NASA: Doomsday not near

Officials at NASA say there’s no truth to beliefs the world will end in 2012. Many doomsday believers have predicted the end will come next Dec. 21. According to space officials, earthlings should expect nothing more on that date than the winter solstice – the longest night of the year.


           No End In Sight

Some scientists want to amend
The forecast of the world’s sudden end;
Thoughts of being destroyed
Have had some folks annoyed;
Over something they can’t comprehend.

NASA says there’s nothing to fear
So, it seems, it’s a Happy New Year.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Iraqis say goodbye

Sunni Muslims gathered by the hundreds in Bagdad to celebrate the departure of U.S. troops. Meantime, a preacher at the nearby Abu Hanifa mosque accused Washington of dividing his country. Sheik Ahmed al-Taha called on his government to demand a payback.



        Farewell To Arms?

A Muslim preacher in Bagdad
Says Americans caused a real mess
From the time they invaded his country
Right up to their recent egress.

He spoke as hundreds of Sunnis
Gathered to say their goodbyes;
Troops were on hand to keep order
But the preacher preferred to chastise.

He accused Uncle Sam of dividing
The people of his Muslim nation;
He says all Iraqis must call, now,
On America to pay compensation.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Gingrich stays on attack

Newt Gingrich has stepped up the intensity of his campaign against his two main rivals for the GOP Presidential nomination. He accuses Mitt Romney of not taking responsibility for attacks being run on his behalf. And he attacks Ron Paul’s views as being outside the mainstream of Americans. Meantime, Gingrich says he plans to remain positive in his campaign message.



       Trolling Toward the Polls

Newt Gingrich may be losing steam
As he battles Ron and Mitt;
He charges Paul’s not in the stream
And Romney just won’t fit.

But as he keeps on throwing flack,
Newt says he’s not dismissive;
And though he maintains his attack,
He insists he’s not derisive.

As Iowans await the call,
One thing’s not in dispute;
All three want the House of White
And are still in hot pursuit.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

House leaders will go along with Senate

House Republicans will give in to demands by President Obama and renew the payroll tax cuts, at least for the short term.  Speaker John Boehner expect the two houses to pass a new bill by Sunday.  The measure would also extend jobless benefits for millions of Americans.

        Second Thoughts

The House has heard the people

And know just what they crave;
Which just might be a reason
The Hill says it will cave.

They'll keep talking through the weekend,

If that's what it's going to take,
To save the worker's tax cuts
And give them all a break.

Just what might be the reason

For their sudden change in goals?
Might they be preparing
To face voters at the polls?


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tree shortage in Miami?

Last minute shoppers appear to be having trouble finding a Christmas tree.  Most tree sellers in Miami-Dade say they sold out as long ago as last week. A spokesman for the National Christmas Tree Association says that might not be a bad thing.  Rick Dungey, whose group keeps track of tree selling trends, says, "Maybe the retail lots are just getting better at knowing how many trees to order."
 
           Out On A Limb

They can do without the winter

can live without the snow;
warm weather won't diminish
Santa's ho-ho-ho.

The people on the mainland

and on each and every Key
have everything that's on their list
except a Christmas tree.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

New rules aimed at keeping pilots awake

The government says airlines must do more to make sure pilots aren't too sleepy at the controls.  Updated work rules are aimed at stressing the need for rest between flights.  They also address the dangers of traveling through time zones.

               Flying High

The FAA says for safety sake,

Pilots need to stay awake;
They need to set, as primary goals,
Not to sleep at the controls.

Lack of rest is seen as the bane

Of those who operate a plane.
So they'll have new rules with which to strive
To get all passengers home alive.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Chaz and Jennifer split

Chaz Bono and Jennifer Elia have ended their engagement.  Bono tweeted his fans to thank them for their concern and to assure them that the couple remains on good terms with mutual respect.  The two had met in 1999.  They continued to date through what was described as Bono's gender reassignment.

            In Reality, It's Over

The relationship appears completed

In the end 'twas Chaz who tweeted
To tell his fans it's not rejection;
He and Jen maintain affection.
Their time together was seen as tender
Through reassignment of his gender;
Their lives are far from being wrecked;
But they agree it's time to disconnect.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

McQueary: Believed he witnessed molestation

Penn State’s assistant football coach, Mike McQueary told a court he believes he witnessed a young boy being molested in 2002. Testifying at the trial of former Penn State officials, McQueary added that he was not explicit in his report to former coach Joe Paterno. He told the court he didn’t use a term like ‘sodomy’ when telling the coach about what he saw. Paterno was eventually fired for not calling the police. The coach is said, however, to have reported what he was told to current defendant Gary Schultz, who was in charge of campus police.



          Witless Witness?

McQueary told a different tale
When he appeared before the judge
When questioned, under oath this time,
He had a tendency to fudge.
Says he never mentioned “sodomy”
When talking to Paterno.
Could it be the coach was wronged
When thrown to the inferno?
Was removal from his situation
A case or premature ejaculation?

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Candidate Paul: Medicare not constitutional

Republican Ron Paul says, as President, he'd get the federal government out of health care.  Says Paul, there's nothing in the Constitution that allows for the government to pay folks' medical bills.  For that, he says, millions of seniors and children can look to their individual states.

          Medical Check-Up

Medicare seems to rile Ron Paul,

He sounds like he's all set to brawl.
For him no federal contribution
Is allowed ala the Constitution.
He also seems to be arrayed
To extract the Feds from Medicaid.
Folks now facing dire straits,
Might look for help among the states.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Trump Won't Lead Planned Debate

Donald Trump says he taking himself out as moderator of the planned debates for GOP candidates in Iowa.  He indicates he wants to avoid any conflict of interest in light of the possibility he may run as an Independent candidate.  In a prepared statement, Trump said he wants to leave all his options open because "we must make America great again."

          Options Open

Trump's no longer waiting

To lead candidates debating
As everyone relaxes.
'Cause The Donald, quite resplendent,
May run as "independent"
To avoid a hike in taxes.

He says he still may jump

Upon the campaign stump,
Not to be disruptive;
Trump feels there's no debate:
"We must make our country great" -
And labels democrats destructive.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Gingrich targets inflation and taxes

Newt Gingrich says if he's elected president, he'll end the Federal Reserve's involvement in creating jobs and let it focus on controlling inflation.  He also wants to eliminate the capital gains tax, a move that would grant big tax breaks to wealthy Americans.

                   Money Talks

Newt Gingrich may have hit on a nerve

In going after the Fed'ral Reserve;
And he's taking great pains
To dump Capital Gains
As he cranks up his campaign with great verve.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Democrats feeling optimistic

Democrats say they’re feeling a lot more optimistic about the president’s chances for re-election after listening to what the current crop of challengers have to offer.



       Rhetorically Speaking

Voters watch and listen in fright
While watching the Republicans fight
In their current political drama.

Some feel, while watching the scene,
Like they’re seeing a standup routine
And draw closer to Mister Obama.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Trump may bail from debate

Donald Trump says he may cancel a planned debate for the GOP presidential candidates. The meeting, planned for late December, has drawn only Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum. The other candidates have decided to pass.



               Trump Dumped?

The Donald seems rather distressed;
And maybe a little depressed;
He planned a debate
For each candidate,
But most have ignored his request.

 
© 2011  Jim Gordon

Gingrich Surprises critics

Veteran Republicans are wondering what’s made Newt Gingrich so popular among the far right. With the Iowa caucus less than a month away, the one-time House speaker is leading the polls with Mitt Romney and Ron Paul vying for second place.



                  Surging Ahead

Why’s the far right so nuts about Newt?
To some it seems less than astute.
He’s scored a big hit,
Has more fans than Mitt;
But to some it just doesn’t compute.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Trump Keeps Name Visible In Political News

Donald Trump is preparing to moderate the GOP debate slated for later in December.  Earlier, he was quoted as saying he'd consider running in 2012 as an Independent candidate.

          It's Donald; Duck!

To his friends he may seem a bit snugly

While others regard him quite smugly;
Although he's no chump,
Some see Mister Trump
And conclude that the man is butt ugly.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Recalling Pearl Harbor

It's the day to remember the bombing of Pearl Harbor and those who lost their lives on Dec. 7, 1941.  Today's the 70th anniversary of the Japanese attack that drew the United States into World War II. 

                   Dropping In

On December Seventh of Forty-one,

We had one hell of a scare.
The folks beneath the Hawaiian Sun
Soon felt a nip in the air.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

What's ahead in the Eagles nest?

As the season winds down for Philadelphia football fans, many are voicing their opinions about what went wrong with their team.

         Not For The Birds?

The Eagles appear in great need

Of someone to jump in and lead
A team so appalling
That many are calling
For Lurie to dump Andy Reid.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Too high to fly? John Rich deplanes

Sources say country singer John Rich was asked to get off a Southwest Airlines flight for Nashville because he was "not fit to travel."  The singer left without incident and was booked on a later flight out or Las Vegas.

                  Grounded

It seems John was feeling no pain

As he hopped aboard the airplane;
The crew said 'goodbye,
you're not fit to fly.'
John got off without raising cane.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Cain suspends campaign

Herman Cain says he’s ending his bid for the GOP presidential nomination. He made his announcement with his wife by his side, saying he’s calling off his campaign because of continued distraction and hurt.



                     Finish Line

Mr. Cain doesn’t need all this strife;
He’s moving on with the rest of his life.
He seemed rather downcast,
Which was quite a contrast
To the smile on the face of his wife.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Did Bachmann Make a Boo-Boo?

Presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann told an audience that she agrees with the British move to pull its people out of the British embassy in Tehran. She added that, if she were president, she’d close the U.S. embassy, there, as well. As it turns out, the United States closed its embassy in Tehran in 1980 in wake of the hostage crisis.



         In The Moment

Candidates for public office,
When quoted in the news,
Make their comments to persuade,
Not only to amuse.
Thus, it’s hoped they’d make an effort,
Lest what they say proves errant,
To keep up with what’s happening
And all events deemed current.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Woman says she had a lengthy affair with Herman Cain

Ginger White of Atlanta says she and Herman Cain had a 13-year extramarital affair that lasted nearly until he declared his candidacy for president. An Atlanta television station quotes Cain as saying he knew White but was trying to help her financially.



               Raising (More) Cain

Mr. Cain wants to simply clear the air
Over charges he had love affair
During the day, or even at night
With a lady id’d as Ginger White.

Ms. White says she had a lot of fun
Up till the man’s presidential run.
Mr. Cain responds that the lady well knows
He was trying to help solve her money woes.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Black Friday shoppers contend with violence

Pepper spray and gun fire marred Christmas shopping for some people on Black Friday. Police in Los Angeles say a woman used pepper spray to gain advantage over fellow shoppers at a Walmart store. In San Leandro, Calif., a Walmart shopper was shot and wounded during a suspected robbery.



    Roughing It

To be first in line
And hold others at bay,
Some shoppers went armed
With, what else? Pepper spray.

Buying for family,
From TVs to computers,
Some even contended
With holiday looters.

Some folks were hurt
While ignoring some laws;
But as far as we know,
They spared Santa Claus.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thanksgiving Day parade marches thru Manhattan

Folks lined the streets as the Thanksgiving Day parade made its way through New York City. More than 40 balloon creations, 27 floats, hundreds of clowns joined the festivities along with 1, 600 cheerleaders.



                  Giving Thanks

The folks watched the floats and balloons
Of most of their favorite cartoons
At the yearly Thanksgiving parade.

Then home to their annual turkey
After which they’ll feel less than perky
As they watch all the football games played.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Kobe’s Endorsement Sours

As the NBA’s work stoppage continues, Kobe Bryant is facing even more financial bad news. His endorsement from Power Balance LLC appears to have collapsed as the company files for bankruptsy. The move follows an Australian challenge of the company’s claim that its $30 wristband helps improve strength, balance, and flexibility.



          Power-less

Power Balance collapsed
Under an Australian charge;
And it cost Kobe Bryant
Four Hundred Large.

It’s not only his sport
That Kobe has missed;
There’s all of that money
For that thing on his wrist.

The company’s bad news
Can throw one off course;
And cause one to look for
Something else to endorse.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Pepper spray justification debated

An investigation is underway into the pepper spraying of  nonviolent demonstrators at a California university.  Amid calls for the college chancellor to resign, some expert say police may have been justified.  In the face of angry reaction, some experts say it maybe a better alternative to dragging protestors away.   

          It's Pepper, Sergeant

The students seemed not to resist

As they protested without an assist;
But the cop shot his spray
Across where they lay;
Now lots of folks seem to be pissed.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Sunday Special: News The This Time, Doesn't Rhyme

The Supreme Court will decide the fate of Obama’s Health Plan.
     There seems to be some question about letting too many people have access    to a doctor’s office.

Toys R Us and Walmart will open for Black Friday Christmas shopping at 9 0’clock Thanksgiving night.
     They’ll follow that immediately with their New Years Eve White Sale.

Target now calls its customers “guests”.
     So they’re inviting them all to a bring-your-own-money party on Thanksgiving night.

One marketing manager says starting Black Friday so early takes away sacred time employees need to spend with their families.
     But the store management feels the early start adds time for the customer to spend ON their families.
Some families have been camped outside Best Buys all week to be first in line Thursday night.
     Their Thanksgiving dinner will be catered by Turkey’s R Us.

Other shoppers found ways to profit from the campers, though.
     They caught one guy scalping TV sets.

One marketing consultant predicts a record number of people will be shopping during the earlier hours.
     So some people will be watching their favorite football games on the discounted TV sets they're buying.


The Occupy Wall Street group protesting in Philadelphia is in trouble with the mayor because of litter. He’s especially upset over the public urination and defecation.
     Michael Nutter is quoted as saying: “I’ve had enough of this shit.”

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Artwork On The Moon

The Apollo 12 astronauts are said to have taken miniature versions of various artwork to the moon. The work is said to by Andy Warhol and five other artists. One of the artists, Forrest Myers, says he and the others wanted to be part of the historic trip.



               One Of These Days

Seems our spacemen take art to the moon.
Some of it fit for a palace?
And did they find a lady up there
Who told them her name was Alice?

Is it true that her lunar landing
Followed her running off at the mouth?
And was it a one-way journey
Launched by her dear husband, Ralph?

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Philbin Finishes Up

Regis Philbin has ended his nearly-three-decade run as a morning TV host. What’s been known as Live with Regis and Kelly for the past 10 years will continue as Live with Kelly. Contrary to a prediction by Katie Couric, Philbin had nary a tear in his eye as he said “so long.”



           Bowing Out

Regis has said his goodbyes
To Kelly and all of the guys
All shouted a toast
To the outgoing host
Who said his farewell with dry eyes.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Demi and Aston’s Financial Statements Considered

As Demi Moore and Aston Kutcher head for the divorce court, speculation begins concerning their respective net worth. One report estimated Kutcher’s bank account may be a bit healthier than Ms. Moore.


                     Banking On It

Looks like Demi and Aston will break up;
It doesn’t appear that they’ll make up;
Though Aston earns more,
Demi’s top drawer
And neither one faces a shake up.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Franco Harris unemployed after speaking out for Paterno

A Pennsylvania casino has fired Franco Harris after the Hall of Famer spoke out on behalf of Joe Paterno.  Harris was a star fullback for Penn State under Paterno from 1968 till 1971.

                    Standing By

Seems Franco is making things tense

Speaking out in his coach's defense;
Once so admired,
Franco's been fired
For pointing out pure common sense.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Sandusky says he's innocent

Jerry Sandusky says he not guilty of sex abuse charges involving children.  But he admits he "fooled around" and touched some of the youngsters.  The former football coach's comments came during a telephone interview.

             Pleading Innocent

Jerry Sandusky says that he rejects

Charges he indulged in children sex;
Although he says it may be surely found
He touched some youngsters while they fooled around.

He admits they shared a shower once in awhile

But the ex-coach insists that he's no pedophile.
In an interview conducted on the phone,
He concedes he should have showered all alone.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Asst. Coach on paid leave

Penn State’s Mike McQueary is on paid leave following the firing of his head coach, Joe Paterno. The moves are in the wake of sex assault charges aimed at a former assistant coach. According to reports, McQueary saw the boy being attacked and left the scene to tell his father and coach Paterno.



                       Under Attack

Joe Paterno’s a man who’s come under fire,
He’s now been dismissed! Not allowed to retire.
He failed to tell the police about what he was told
And that, it would seem, allowed the trail to get cold.

He was told by McQueary who says that he saw
The rape of a child that stuck in his craw.
Not enough, it would seem, that he might, God forbid,
Step in like a man and…well, rescue the kid.

Things may have ended not quite so badly
If Mike had helped out ‘stead of running to daddy.
McQueary’s on leave now. Joe’s gone but Mike stayed;
Kept under wraps but still getting paid.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Perry: Downsize Federal Government

Texas Governor Rick Perry says, as President, he’d move to scrap the Departments of Commerce, Energy, and Education. One may ask: what do these offices do that is so vital to America’s well-being. Commerce includes the office of Patents and Trademarks; Energy oversees our nuclear weapons. Education deals with more than just classroom activity.


                    Changing Plans

Some inventors may become combatants
Fighting over just who owns their patents.
But that’s ok! We all can be contented.
If all we need’s already been invented.

Energy protects us from the kooks
Determined to play havoc with our nukes.
It is among those inconvenient facts
That its people help protect us from attacks.

Then there are those folks in Education
Helping kids in schools across the nation.
They also help protect both blacks and whites
To keep what they have left of civil rights.

We’ll have to wait to hear some more of Perry’s plans,
Including what will take the place of what he bans.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Rosie’s Ratings Recede

The Rosie O’Donnell show, airing at 7 pm Eastern time, is said to be losing viewers. The show has lost 40 percent of the audience it had attracted during its first week on the air.



             That Sinking Feeling

Though Rosie’s been seen as a winner,
Her ratings are growing much thinner;
Her numbers are low
‘Cause, wouldn’t you know,
When she’s on, folks are all out to dinner.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Lawmakers to ponder jobs for vets

The senate has voted to help veterans who are out of work. Lawmakers are expected to propose tax breaks to companies that hire veterans. The vets would be provided with employment counseling and other services.



                      Work It Out

It appears that congress is ready to play
And let Mr. Obama have some of his way;
Taking action to cover at least some of their bets,
Other jobless folks wait while the Hill helps the Vets.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Andy Rooney remembered

As his former 60 minutes colleagues pay special tribute to Andy Rooney, fans of his radio essays and newspaper columns mourn the passing of a self-described curmudgeon of the broadcast and print. The following is a eulogy, of sorts.




  Minute by Minute

For nearly 60 minutes,
I sit, and wait, and stare;
I’m set for the finale,
But Andy isn’t there.

I wait all week for Sunday;
The show goes on the air;
I stay until the end comes,
But Andy isn’t there.

I sit there for an hour
To see him in his chair.
The minutes fly on by but,
Right! Andy isn’t there.

For all these years, I’ve tuned in,
To miss a night was rare –
Now Andy’s said farewell and
The man’s no longer there.

So if there is a Heaven
Out in the bright “somewhere”,
When it comes our time to follow,
I’m sure Andy will be there.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Deepak Chopra says money doesn't mean happiness

According to author Deepak Chopra, happiness comes from how people look at situations in their lives plus their living conditions and the choices they make. Chopra's comments come following a report from the National Academy of Sciences on longevity. Says the report, older people who are happy have a 35% lower risk of dying over a five-year period than those who are not happy.

     Cashing In

Can't pay the rent?

Landlord gets snappy.
Write him check
You make him happy.

And what you need
To do that, though,
Is what is known
As lots of dough.

If you're feeling
A bit dysphoric,
Buy Deepak's book;
He'll be euphoric.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Daughter hopes her dad gets help

Hillary Adams, 23, says she hopes her family law judge father gets  help after the airing of a video taken when the girl was 16 years old.  The video shows Judge William Adams hitting his daughter with a belt.  Ms. Adams said her father was angry because she had illegally downloaded media files.  The judge is quoted as saying "it looks worse than it was."

                    Paddle Tales

The law judge may be losing some ranking

And his personal life could be tanking
His daughter showed how she felt
When he attacked with his belt
And gave the young lady a spanking.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tony La Russa retires

St. Louis manager Tony La Russa says “it feels like it’s time to quit.” The 67-year old manager leaves a champion after leading the Cardinals to a World Series win over the Texas Rangers. He also enjoyed World Series wins in 1989 and 2006 with Oakland and St. Louis, respectively.



             Time To Stop

La Russa is leaving the game
That’s offered him lots of acclaim;
One thing you can bet:
He’s not finished yet –
Next stop is the sport’s Hall of Fame.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Ruth Madoff: I was paralyzed

The wife of Bernard Madoff told 60 Minutes she was paralyzed when her husband told her he had been running a Ponzi scheme. She later accompanied him to his office Christmas party the night before the FBI took Madoff into custody.



        The Party’s Over

Soon after Bernie confessed,
Ruth and he had to get dressed
To appear hale and hearty
At their company’s party
Just before Bernie’s arrest.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Prince Charles related to Count Dracula?

Prince Charles says Vlad the Impaler is among his ancestors. The heir to the British throne made the comments while promoting his interest in protecting the forests of Transylvania.



             Staking Out A Claim

Besides being a prince, an heir, and a sailor,
Charles traces his line to Vlad the Impaler.
So a guest who visits the prince on deck
May be well advised to watch their neck.
And when he stops to chat or dine
One may hear him claim “I don’t drink – wine.”


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Rick Perry: The president’s a citizen

GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry says he’s convinced President Obama is an American citizen. His comments came as some Republicans wonder if Perry’s done irreparable harm to his campaign by re-introducing the “birther” controversy.



             Subject to Change

Rick Perry says for what it’s worth,
No more talk of Obama’s birth.
Before his chance at the White House melts,
He’d like to talk about something else.
Amidst the laughing and the sobs,
Rick suggests discussing jobs.
Does he see the presidency as his fate
To get him out of the Lone Star State?
And will he be sad and a bit forlorn
If people question where he was born?

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Playboy hires Lindsay Lohan

Actress Lindsay Lohan is said to have accepted just under $1 million to pose nude for Playboy magazine.  According to reports, Lohan has divided her time between posing for the photos and doing "community service" at the L.A. County Morgue.

              The Naked Truth?

While Lindsay's still out on probation,

She's causing a bit of sensation.
In a session quite rare,
She's gonna be bare,
Giving guys no end of elation.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Moammar Gadhafi Killed

Libyan leaders say fighters have killed Moammar Gadhafi in the former

dictator's home town of Sirte.  Senior officials say they'll announce a declaration of liberation.

      Tyranny Tumbles

He filled folks with dread

And then he fled;
Folks are pleased, instead
'Cause the tyrant's dead.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Obama seeks Southern input

President Obama, wrapping up a bus tour of Virginia and North Carolina, hoped to strengthen support in key electoral states.

       Southern Swing

The president took a tour

Through a couple of southern states
To bring back his old allure
And assess just how he rates.

He talked to others on board

About what they like to discuss,
And sought to reach some accord
In front and the back of the bus.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Pennsylvania brothers accused of stealing bridge

Police charge that Benjamin and Alexander Jones stole a bridge in western Pennsylvania and sold its 15 1/2 tons for scrap metal.  Officials of a recycling company called authorities after the brothers said they had permission to carve the bridge for scrap.

           Troubled Waters

Seems Alex and Ben had a plan

To profit by stealing a span;
They sold it for scrap;
The cops say it's a wrap;
They could do a stretch in the can.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Iranians issue warning to US over assassination claims

The leaders of Iran say any attempts by the United States to take action against Tehran will meet with resolute response.  The warning suggests Iran's concern that Washington may increase sanctions in the wake of an alleged attempt to assassinate the Saudi ambassador to the United States.

     War Of Words

Iran says U.S. charges

are in dispute
and warns its reaction will
be resolute.

U. S. attempts for increased

sanctions by its neighbors
appears to prompt Tehran
to rattle sabres.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

New Jersey Governor wants White House speculation to end

Gov. Chris Christie doesn't know how may different ways he can make it clear that he's not interested in the White House.  When asked if he'd consider the Vice Presidency, Christie indicates he'll answer that question if anyone asks him.

       No, Really!  No!

Speculation just won't stop

But Christy says just let it drop;
He assures us all that he's not funning
When he says he's definitely not running
For the presidential spot;
That's not where he'll cast his lot.
Is he "up" to be VeePee?
He indicates: Let's wait and see.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Republicans offer a Jobs Bill proposal

House Speaker John Boehner talked about a jobs bill in a telephone conversation with President Obama.  The GOP plan calls for, among other things, repealing Obama's health care law and passing a constitutional amendment requiring a balanced budget.

 Dialing For Dollars

Obama and Boehner

Were less than amusing
As they talked about jobs
Which some folks are still losing;
They met over the phone -
Their discussions less bruising;
But then they hung up
Leaving things more confusing.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Oil spills into the ocean off New Zealand

A cargo ship dumped hundreds of tons of oil into the sea off the coast of New Zealand.  High seas and strong waves are hindering attempts to board the vessel.

           Danger A-Float

More oil's being spilled in the sea

As boxes of hazmat float free;
High waves make it tough
To recover the stuff;
As the sea life all tries to flee.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

GOP nixes Obama's jobs bill

Republicans in the Senate have voted "no" on the President's jobs bill.  They opposed the bill's call for spending to stimulate the economy and for a tax surcharge on millionaires.

          Back To Work

Obama continues to press

For a bill he says will ease stress.
For congress, the glitch
Is his tax on the rich
To solve the economy's mess.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Columbus remembered

Some people observed the day set aside to remember Christopher Columbus while for others it was just Monday. Italian Americans celebrate Columbus Day as a festival of Italian heritage, while native Americans deplore it.



                          Land Ho

Ole Chris borrowed scratch from the queen
To look for some land yet unseen;
She came up with the dough
To let Christopher go
And see how much stuff he could glean.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

FBI bugged over Eastwood flick

The Federal Bureau of Investigation appears to be riled over Clint Eastwood’s depiction of the late director J. Edgar Hoover. In the film, J. Edgar, Hoover is portrayed as gay.



                Be-Hooved
There seems to more than a hint,
In a movie directed by Clint,
That J Edgar was gay,
Which leads Feds to say
They’re displeased with this Hollywood glint.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Casey leads by one; Tiger makes the cut

Tiger Woods made the cut in the Frys.com Open in California, as Paul Casey maintains a one stroke lead. Woods shot a 68 to lie seven off the pace.



  Back On The Boards

Tiger’s in the news again
And this time, he’s got the goods;
He’s made the cut in Frys-dot-com;
We’ll see more of Mister Woods.

Paul Casey’s still out there in front
He has a one-stroke lead
Els and Cauley, next in line,
Are keeping up to speed.

Matteson, Willis, Baird, and Green
Are next to set the pace;
Tiger trails by seven strokes,
Which is surely no disgrace.

Though he struggled on the greens again,
And has yet to find them tame,
Tiger’s fans take heart because
Their man’s still in the game.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Surgical Superman?

Herbert Chavez has undergone plastic surgery several times in his attempts to look like Superman. The Filipino native also has a massive assortment of hero-related memorabilia, including statues, posters, and costumes.



               Quick Change

Herbert Chavez seems quite bent
On following the steps of Clark Kent;
The knife’s made him feel
Like Clark’s Man of Steel;
It’s really been quite an event.

No one would say Herb is shy;
And things should not go awry
For the New Superman
Of the famed Krypton clan,
Unless Mr. Chavez tries to fly.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

New Jersey Governor: This is not the time

Gov. Chris Christy of New Jersey has made his final decision.  He won't run for president in 2012.  He told a news conference this is not his time.  Christy advisers have been quoted as saying he's seriously considering a run next time around.

                   Maybe Later

Though pressure to run has been keen,
Christy's nix-ing the Washington scene;
It's not time to run;
But, hey, just for fun,
Come see him in twenty-sixteen.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Alleged con-man found dead

Federal officials say accused business scammer Don Lapre was found dead in his jail cell.  He was being held in a federal lockup in Florence, Az., on charges of fraud.  Lapre was accused of scheming to sell worthless Internet-based businesses.

                     Ex-Con

'Twas on gullible folks that he fed;

How he made his butter and bread.
Placed in a cell
Where other crooks dwell,
When we awoke the next day, he was dead.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

First Lady hits Target

Michelle Obama did her shopping at a Target store in Alexandria, Va., as casually dressed secret service folks kept an eye on her safety. The first lady, however, was tough to spot in her baseball cap and sunglasses.



            Shopping Spree

Michelle had to go to the store
And trusted no one with the chore;
She missed not a beat, though,
She went incognito
And was free to walk ‘round and explore.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

New Jersey governor has second thoughts

Governor Chris Christy is taking another look at the idea of running for president. Sources within the GOP say party elders and donors are calling on Christy to jump into the race as President Obama’s popularity appears to weaken.




                Reconsidering

Chris had said that he wouldn’t run;
No interest in Washington – none;
With Obama in trouble
And the burst of his bubble,
The Gov thinks it just might be fun.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Mother and daughter face deportation

Nineteen year-old college student, Nadia Habib, may soon be sent back to Bangldesh along with her mother. Nadia, who was brought to the United States as a baby, would be leaving behind her father – who has a green card – and her three siblings who were born in this country and are thus US citizens.



       Facing Exile

Nadia and her mother
May return to Bangladesh.
Despite Dad and Nadia’s siblings
It seems the two don’t mesh.

It appears the two are threatened
By the Immigration “vice”;
They’d like to stay and work here,
And are asking help from ICE.

They hope they’ll get to stay here,
But they face a “last hurrah”;
Their chances may be better
If one was, well, like – the Shah.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

New Jersey Governor Sounds A Warning

The Governor of New Jersey warns the promise of America is in danger because of shaky leadership.  Chris Christie, who says he's not running for president in 2012, says political gridlock makes it difficult for the country to solve the problems it faces.

                   Lead On

Chris Christie won't be president;

Says he doesn't plan to try.
He's taking time to warn us, though,
That things have gone awry.

Chris says a lack of leadership

Has left us all in peril.
He warns that gridlock on the Hill
Has made the nation sterile.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Trouble In Alaskan Paradise?

Rumors are flying following a report in a national tabloid that Todd Palin is fed up with all the reports about wife Sarah and is ready to end the marriage. So far, there’s been no comment from the Palins. Meantime, Sarah Palin’s advisers are said to have told her a run for the White House, in light of recent accusations, would be a mistake.


Palin’ Around

Will Sarah run for President?
Or will it cause a mess
With the recent ‘Rogue’ biography
Read by opponents and the press?

Did Joe McGinnis write what’s true?
Did she do all those things?
Did Sarah really fool around
And have those reported flings?

It’s grist for all the tabloids,
It’s stuff they love to flout.
At least one tabloid now reports
Husband Todd says he wants out.



©  2011  Jim Gordon

Ted Koppel Coming Back?

Ted Koppel may be joining NBC News in the coming season. The former ABC Anchor is said to have signed up for “Rock Center with Brian Williams. The program is said to be on deck in case any of the network’s fall shows happen to tank. According to reports, Koppel will be joined by Meredith Vieira and for CBS newsman Harry Smith.



             Like Old Times

NBC has signed on Ted Koppel
To be in the wings if a sitcom should topple;
Ted’s signing on with Brian’s “Rock Center”
And the former news anchor is ready to enter.

If some new fall fare should happen to fail,
And the decision is made for the network to bail,
Ted’s quite committed and ready forthwith
To go on the air with his pal Harry Smith.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Post Office: Send Money

A White House plan to rescue the Postal Service would end Saturday delivery. Administration officials say it’s designed to save the Service more than $20 billion. The so-called “snail mail” is the victim of email and online payment of bills by the consumer.



Mail Call

Email and websites
mean the Post Office needs a
stamp of approval.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Perry panned for inoculation bill

Texas Gov. Rick Perry is answering critics of his order, four years ago, requiring Texas girls to be vaccinated against the virus that can cause cervical cancer. The legislature overrode the measure, which some said amounted to tacit approval of premarital sex.



                  Facing Critics

Governor Perry is on the defensive
For a bill he once signed that some find offensive.
In his political life, he tries to make headroom
While keeping the government out of the bedroom.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Good Morning” may say Good Bye to Stephanopoulos

Network sources indicate George Stephanopoulos may be replaced as co-anchor on Good Morning America. It seems the fact that he’s more than four inches shorter than Robin Roberts strikes some execs as a bit awkward. Some say he may be replaced by newsreader Josh Elliott and reassigned to his old job anchoring “This Week.”



        Measuring Up

George Stephanopoulos
May soon be off “Good Morning.”
The latest word from network suits
Sounds awfully like a warning.

Though he seems to know his stuff,
He appears to lack support;
Standing next to co-host Robin,
To some, George comes up short.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Ryan O'Neal: Is was just for show

The televised reconciliation between Ryan and Tatum O'Neal didn't take.  Ryan O'Neal says the whole thing, carried on Oprah Winfrey's network, was faked.  He says his relationship with his daughter is worse than ever.

                Dis-Union

The reunion, says Ryan O'Neal,

Was not what you'd term as ideal.
He wants us to know
It was faked for the show.
Their "kiss and make up" wasn't real.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Rick Perry joins debate

Rick Perry is taking part in the GOP debates for the first time.  He's facing off with Mitt Romney and Michelle Bachmann in California.

             Facing Off

Perry's on hand, as is Mitt

To argue just who's the best fit;
It's too soon to tell,
If one of them or Michelle
Will score a Republican hit.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Titanic Revisited

Television producers are planning a special 12-part series in honor the “Titanic.” Chris Noth or Law and Order fame is slated as among the stars of “Blood and Steel,” planned for next spring. The price tag is said to be $30 million.



   A Sinking Feeling

Plans for another story
About the ill-fated Titanic:
This one planned as a prequel,
Like the ship, will be gigantic.

Twelve parts in all their glory
Are sure to cause a commotion
Leading up to the fatal voyage
That ends with death in the ocean.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Jobs report prompts heated reaction

Politicians and economists are trying to fathom the August report that no jobs were created in August. The GOP criticizes the president while Democrats hammer Republicans for failing to pass bipartisan jobs bills.



          All Worked Up

There were no jobs in August;
Is the president to blame?
Or might it be that Congress
Simply will not play the game?

The critics of Obama
Are sometimes loud and shrill;
While a bill to aid employers
Awaits up on The Hill.

Will the Senate bill win passage
And be voted into being?
Or will fights about more taxes
Keep both sides disagreeing.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

No special treatment for Obama’s uncle

Onyango Obama, an uncle of President Obama faces deportation to Kenya because he’s in the country illegally. He’s currently under arrest on a charge of drunk driving. A White House says the situation is expected to be handled like any other immigration case.



                Out Of Touch

Obama’s uncle’s still under arrest
The charge: DUI. He seems stressed;
And it would appear
He’s up to each ear
To be sent back to Kenya at best.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Bachelor Pad contestants step up their kissing game

Season one’s kissing contest has returned to the Bachelor Pad. The winners appear to be Ella and Blake. Critics indicate it all leaves something to be desired.




                     Down The Tube

Television, ‘twould seem, has run out of gas
As it tries to please every laddie and lass;
The final result, I must say, alas,
Is TV fare that simply lacks class.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Bachmann: Just kidding about Irene

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann says she was just kidding when she said Hurricane Irene was sent as a wakeup call for Americans. During some campaign stops, she had commented about Irene and the recent east coast earthquake as acts of God to get politicians' attention to the debt and deficit problem. Spokeswoman Alice Stewart says Bachmann was speaking in jest.


             Heaven Knows

Ms Bachmann says it was a joke;
Some fun she was trying to poke;
It was a bit of a prod
But surely not God
That she seriously planned to invoke.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

President cancels vacation

President Obama is returning to the White House because of the approach of Hurricane Irene. He urges Americans in the path of the storm to heed their local officials and evacuate if advised to do so.



         Tempest Tossed

The president is cutting short
His family’s vacation;
He wants to help hold down the fort
And be there for the nation.

He says those threatened shouldn’t wait
As officials track Irene;
If the order is “evacuate”
Be quick to change your scene.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Romney Ignores Perry

Mitt Romney continues to campaign as if he’ll be the one to challenge President Obama in 2012. Despite Rick Perry’s growing popularity, Romney continues top aim his criticisms at the president.



            Staying Focused

Mitt Romney keeps campaigning
And doesn’t seem to worry
That he might have a problem
Vying with Rick Perry.

With both eyes on the White House,
Mitt seems to love the drama;
As he aims his criticism
At President Obama.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

English teacher ostracized

Parents of students in the Central Bucks County (PA) school district have told school officials they don’t want their children in Natalie Munroe’s English class. The teacher had been suspended in February after blogging that some students are "frightfully dim." Ms. Munroe also characterized some teens as "disengaged, lazy whiners."


                  Calling Roll

Doylestown parents seem enraged
Over thoughts of kids as “disengaged.”
Rejecting thoughts that their young minors
May be among the so-called “whiners,”
They’ve let their school officials know
They have no time for Ms. Munroe.
So the teacher’s schedule's rather slim -
With fewer students, bright or dim.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Redistricting helps Republicans

House Republicans are reaping the benefits of redistricting. Nearly half the states have redefined boundaries based on population. It appears the move will make it easier for the GOP to win more seats.



             Change Of Venue

House Democrats may start to fade
Because of changes being made
Which seem to grace the GOP
And fill Republicans with glee.
Redistricting appears the mission
To wipe out all their competition.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Rebels take Tripoli

Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi was among the missing as rebels moved into the capital.  Most of his security forced fled or surrendered to the invaders.

                    Searching

The rebels have moved on Tripoli;

Yet there's something they still don't know;
They've conquered as far as the eye can see
But wonder what happened to Mo.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Gaddafi says he’s staying

Libya’s Moammar Gadhafi is calling on supporters to defend Tripoli against rebels. He says he’ll stay in the capital “until the end.”  Meantime, questions remain over whether the opposition can restore order if Gadhafi is driven from power.



            Under Siege

If Gadhafi goes down to defeat,
Will life on each Libyan street
Once again enjoy peace?
Will the fighting all cease?
And who will take over his seat?

 
© 2011  Jim Gordon

Paula Deen fires back

Restaurateur Paula Deen says she’s shocked at Anthony Bourdain’s comments about her food. The American chef told TV Guide that Deen is “the worse, most dangerous person to America.” Ms. Deen says she resents his personal attack on her “character.”



Feeding Frenzy

Ms. Paula Deen
Is no food queen,
Says Anthony Bourdain.

He says there’s risk
From nuts to bisque;
He calls her food a bane.

Paula’s shocked
At being knocked
And wonders why he’s rude;

She can’t recall
Any time at all
When she gave the guy some food.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Daytime TV star switches soap operas

Actor Jacob Young is returning to The Bold and The Beautiful. The original Jacob Young told TV Guide that he’ll make the move when All My Children moves to the internet.



                       Pass The Soap

     “My dear, you look so Bold & Beautiful,”
(She felt her comment sounded suitable.)
     “It’s for All My Children on the internet.
Something I hope I don’t regret.”
     “So I read in the TV Guide,”
his friend, in answer, then replied.
     “We’ll remember it for all The Days of Our Lives
And hope it doesn’t give us hives.”
     “Just remember As The World Turns,
All the money the big cast earns.”
     “That’s what’s become my Guiding Light
And keeps my future burning bright.”
     “Since we only have One Life to Live,
Give the best that you can give.”
     “General Hospital’s next and please be quick;
This conversation’s made me sick.”

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Obama faces vacation dilemma

There appears to be renewed debate over when is there a good time for the president to take a vacation. The First Family plans to leave Thursday for a 10-day trip. Meantime, congress is on its August break and isn’t expected back on the Hill until early September.



           First Family Time

His critics say it’s a real bad time
For Obama’s planned vacation;
They seem to feel that it’s a crime
When he’s distracted from the nation.

One never knows what might go wrong
And cause a real commotion
While the president’s engaged in song
Or swimming in the ocean.

The White House, though’s in able hands
With aides alert for trouble;
And if they need the president,
He’ll get back there on the double.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

White House answers Perry

White House officials reacted to Republican Rick Perry’s comments about Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. Perry told voters in Iowa that printing more money to boost the economy would be a “treasonous” act.



          Taking Exception

The White House is a bit upset
With what they call Rick Perry’s threat;
Jay Carney says there’s no good reason
To accuse Ben Bernanke of treason.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon