Monday, October 31, 2011

Tony La Russa retires

St. Louis manager Tony La Russa says “it feels like it’s time to quit.” The 67-year old manager leaves a champion after leading the Cardinals to a World Series win over the Texas Rangers. He also enjoyed World Series wins in 1989 and 2006 with Oakland and St. Louis, respectively.



             Time To Stop

La Russa is leaving the game
That’s offered him lots of acclaim;
One thing you can bet:
He’s not finished yet –
Next stop is the sport’s Hall of Fame.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Ruth Madoff: I was paralyzed

The wife of Bernard Madoff told 60 Minutes she was paralyzed when her husband told her he had been running a Ponzi scheme. She later accompanied him to his office Christmas party the night before the FBI took Madoff into custody.



        The Party’s Over

Soon after Bernie confessed,
Ruth and he had to get dressed
To appear hale and hearty
At their company’s party
Just before Bernie’s arrest.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Prince Charles related to Count Dracula?

Prince Charles says Vlad the Impaler is among his ancestors. The heir to the British throne made the comments while promoting his interest in protecting the forests of Transylvania.



             Staking Out A Claim

Besides being a prince, an heir, and a sailor,
Charles traces his line to Vlad the Impaler.
So a guest who visits the prince on deck
May be well advised to watch their neck.
And when he stops to chat or dine
One may hear him claim “I don’t drink – wine.”


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Rick Perry: The president’s a citizen

GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry says he’s convinced President Obama is an American citizen. His comments came as some Republicans wonder if Perry’s done irreparable harm to his campaign by re-introducing the “birther” controversy.



             Subject to Change

Rick Perry says for what it’s worth,
No more talk of Obama’s birth.
Before his chance at the White House melts,
He’d like to talk about something else.
Amidst the laughing and the sobs,
Rick suggests discussing jobs.
Does he see the presidency as his fate
To get him out of the Lone Star State?
And will he be sad and a bit forlorn
If people question where he was born?

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Playboy hires Lindsay Lohan

Actress Lindsay Lohan is said to have accepted just under $1 million to pose nude for Playboy magazine.  According to reports, Lohan has divided her time between posing for the photos and doing "community service" at the L.A. County Morgue.


              The Naked Truth?

While Lindsay's still out on probation,
She's causing a bit of sensation.
In a session quite rare,
She's gonna be bare,
Giving guys no end of elation.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Moammar Gadhafi Killed

Libyan leaders say fighters have killed Moammar Gadhafi in the former
dictator's home town of Sirte.  Senior officials say they'll announce a declaration of liberation.


      Tyranny Tumbles

He filled folks with dread
And then he fled;
Folks are pleased, instead
'Cause the tyrant's dead.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Obama seeks Southern input

President Obama, wrapping up a bus tour of Virginia and North Carolina, hoped to strengthen support in key electoral states.


       Southern Swing

The president took a tour
Through a couple of southern states
To bring back his old allure
And assess just how he rates.

He talked to others on board
About what they like to discuss,
And sought to reach some accord
In front and the back of the bus.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Monday, October 17, 2011

Pennsylvania brothers accused of stealing bridge

Police charge that Benjamin and Alexander Jones stole a bridge in western Pennsylvania and sold its 15 1/2 tons for scrap metal.  Officials of a recycling company called authorities after the brothers said they had permission to carve the bridge for scrap.


           Troubled Waters

Seems Alex and Ben had a plan
To profit by stealing a span;
They sold it for scrap;
The cops say it's a wrap;
They could do a stretch in the can.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Iranians issue warning to US over assassination claims

The leaders of Iran say any attempts by the United States to take action against Tehran will meet with resolute response.  The warning suggests Iran's concern that Washington may increase sanctions in the wake of an alleged attempt to assassinate the Saudi ambassador to the United States.


     War Of Words

Iran says U.S. charges
are in dispute
and warns its reaction will
be resolute.

U. S. attempts for increased
sanctions by its neighbors
appears to prompt Tehran
to rattle sabres.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Friday, October 14, 2011

New Jersey Governor wants White House speculation to end

Gov. Chris Christie doesn't know how may different ways he can make it clear that he's not interested in the White House.  When asked if he'd consider the Vice Presidency, Christie indicates he'll answer that question if anyone asks him.


       No, Really!  No!

Speculation just won't stop
But Christy says just let it drop;
He assures us all that he's not funning
When he says he's definitely not running
For the presidential spot;
That's not where he'll cast his lot.
Is he "up" to be VeePee?
He indicates: Let's wait and see.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Republicans offer a Jobs Bill proposal

House Speaker John Boehner talked about a jobs bill in a telephone conversation with President Obama.  The GOP plan calls for, among other things, repealing Obama's health care law and passing a constitutional amendment requiring a balanced budget.


 Dialing For Dollars

Obama and Boehner
Were less than amusing
As they talked about jobs
Which some folks are still losing;
They met over the phone -
Their discussions less bruising;
But then they hung up
Leaving things more confusing.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Oil spills into the ocean off New Zealand

A cargo ship dumped hundreds of tons of oil into the sea off the coast of New Zealand.  High seas and strong waves are hindering attempts to board the vessel.



           Danger A-Float

More oil's being spilled in the sea
As boxes of hazmat float free;
High waves make it tough
To recover the stuff;
As the sea life all tries to flee.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

GOP nixes Obama's jobs bill

Republicans in the Senate have voted "no" on the President's jobs bill.  They opposed the bill's call for spending to stimulate the economy and for a tax surcharge on millionaires.


          Back To Work

Obama continues to press
For a bill he says will ease stress.
For congress, the glitch
Is his tax on the rich
To solve the economy's mess.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Monday, October 10, 2011

Columbus remembered

Some people observed the day set aside to remember Christopher Columbus while for others it was just Monday. Italian Americans celebrate Columbus Day as a festival of Italian heritage, while native Americans deplore it.



                          Land Ho

Ole Chris borrowed scratch from the queen
To look for some land yet unseen;
She came up with the dough
To let Christopher go
And see how much stuff he could glean.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

FBI bugged over Eastwood flick

The Federal Bureau of Investigation appears to be riled over Clint Eastwood’s depiction of the late director J. Edgar Hoover. In the film, J. Edgar, Hoover is portrayed as gay.



                Be-Hooved
There seems to more than a hint,
In a movie directed by Clint,
That J Edgar was gay,
Which leads Feds to say
They’re displeased with this Hollywood glint.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Casey leads by one; Tiger makes the cut

Tiger Woods made the cut in the Frys.com Open in California, as Paul Casey maintains a one stroke lead. Woods shot a 68 to lie seven off the pace.



  Back On The Boards

Tiger’s in the news again
And this time, he’s got the goods;
He’s made the cut in Frys-dot-com;
We’ll see more of Mister Woods.

Paul Casey’s still out there in front
He has a one-stroke lead
Els and Cauley, next in line,
Are keeping up to speed.

Matteson, Willis, Baird, and Green
Are next to set the pace;
Tiger trails by seven strokes,
Which is surely no disgrace.

Though he struggled on the greens again,
And has yet to find them tame,
Tiger’s fans take heart because
Their man’s still in the game.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Friday, October 7, 2011

Surgical Superman?

Herbert Chavez has undergone plastic surgery several times in his attempts to look like Superman. The Filipino native also has a massive assortment of hero-related memorabilia, including statues, posters, and costumes.



               Quick Change

Herbert Chavez seems quite bent
On following the steps of Clark Kent;
The knife’s made him feel
Like Clark’s Man of Steel;
It’s really been quite an event.

No one would say Herb is shy;
And things should not go awry
For the New Superman
Of the famed Krypton clan,
Unless Mr. Chavez tries to fly.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

New Jersey Governor: This is not the time

Gov. Chris Christy of New Jersey has made his final decision.  He won't run for president in 2012.  He told a news conference this is not his time.  Christy advisers have been quoted as saying he's seriously considering a run next time around.

                   Maybe Later

Though pressure to run has been keen,
Christy's nix-ing the Washington scene;
It's not time to run;
But, hey, just for fun,
Come see him in twenty-sixteen.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Monday, October 3, 2011

Alleged con-man found dead

Federal officials say accused business scammer Don Lapre was found dead in his jail cell.  He was being held in a federal lockup in Florence, Az., on charges of fraud.  Lapre was accused of scheming to sell worthless Internet-based businesses.


                     Ex-Con

'Twas on gullible folks that he fed;
How he made his butter and bread.
Placed in a cell
Where other crooks dwell,
When we awoke the next day, he was dead.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Saturday, October 1, 2011

First Lady hits Target

Michelle Obama did her shopping at a Target store in Alexandria, Va., as casually dressed secret service folks kept an eye on her safety. The first lady, however, was tough to spot in her baseball cap and sunglasses.



            Shopping Spree

Michelle had to go to the store
And trusted no one with the chore;
She missed not a beat, though,
She went incognito
And was free to walk ‘round and explore.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

New Jersey governor has second thoughts

Governor Chris Christy is taking another look at the idea of running for president. Sources within the GOP say party elders and donors are calling on Christy to jump into the race as President Obama’s popularity appears to weaken.




                Reconsidering

Chris had said that he wouldn’t run;
No interest in Washington – none;
With Obama in trouble
And the burst of his bubble,
The Gov thinks it just might be fun.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon