Mis-pronouncing can be costly

“Wheel of Fortune” fans were less than happy with the way one contestant was treated. Renee Durette was ruled incorrect when she dropped the “g” from the phrase “Seven Swans a-Swimming.” It cost her nearly $4,000 – and the game.



  Beware The Blurred Word

When appearing on a game show
And you want to win some money,
Avoid the judges’ “kayo” -
Keep your disposition sunny.

When you decide on the solution
And are all set to announce it,
Plan well your execution –
Be sure you can pronounce it.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Increased activity at the Pole.

The North Pole is the scene of increased activity as Santa and his staff make final preparations for the night before Christmas. All indications are that lift-off will be right on time.



                On His Way

As Santa prepares for his flight,
That begins on Christmas Eve night,
The Elf and his deer
Should have nothing to fear
As they fly in and then out of sight.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Merchants gear up for Black Friday, hoping it’s not a turkey in the face of the current economy.

Consumers prepare to enjoy parades, football and lots of turkey for Thanksgiving day. It’s their preparation to continue Christmas shopping.



        Give ‘em the bird

As we watch paraders strut
And football teams make downs,
Enjoy dinner, soup to nut;
And don’t drink too many rounds.

‘Cause the next day is Black Friday,
Which could leave us quite bereft.
It’s nice that, after shopping,
We have some money left.

As we spend from mall to mall,
Our goals could well get murky;
It’s fine to buy for loved ones;
Just don’t become a turkey.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Voters approve same sex marriage and smoking marijuana

Maine and Maryland are the first states to approve same-sex marriage by popular vote. Meantime, voters in Washington state and Colorado set up a showdown with federal authorities by legalizing marijuana use.



              Marriage and Marijuana

Maine and Maryland both cleared the decks
For marriage of folks of identical sex;
Colorado and Washington made it a point
To make it OK to light up a joint.
Will this be enough for gays and straights
To explode population in those four states?

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Candidates face off in second debate

President Obama and Mitt Romney let the sparks fly on their second encounter before the voting public. They faced off on topics ranging from the economy to women’s rights, and immigration.


          Thoughts of one debated at

I’m sitting here engrossed in all the drama
Between Mitt Romney and my president, Obama.
One seems a heavy weight, the other light
One’s considered left, the other, right.
But none of this is what will get my vote.
No, common sense is really all she wrote.
I sit and listen to each candidate erupt;
But my vote’s for him who doesn’t interrupt.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Pakistani girl in England for medical treatment

British doctors are treating a Pakistani teenager who was shot in the head by members of the Taliban.  Militants vow to kill the girl because of her vocal promotion of education for girls.

 

                 Time to Heal

The co-ed teenager from Pakistan,

Protected from those of the Taliban,
Is in the UK for medical care,
Guarded by those who took the girl there.

The Taliban says it's simply not fooling

In its opposition of all of that schooling
For women it feels should cover their faces,
Do what their told, and stay in their places.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Biden and Ryan vie in Danville

The vice-presidential candidates are in Kentucky for their only debate in preparation for election day.



               Mates Debate

American voters continue to wait
As Biden and Ryan prepare to debate
And do what they can to guide the direction
Of how votes will be cast in next month’s election.
The pundits will judge how each man comes across
As each does what he can to win for the boss.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Romney comes out fighting

President Obama and challenger Mitt Romney went one on one in their first of three debates. They faced off for 90 minutes over the future of the economy, tax cuts, education, and health care.



       Contention

Romney and Obama
Debated face to face,
On why each man’s a winner
In the Presidential Race.

They touched on matters fiscal
As well as people’s health;
And argued over how each one
Would tax the voters’ wealth.

The two will meet twice more, though,
And we’ll listen as they feed us
Reasons to decide on
Who we want to lead us.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Obama says Romney’s a better debater

President Obama says Mitt Romney is a “good debater” while he describes himself as “just ok.” ‘The president told an audience in Las Vegas that he hopes for a serious discussion on the economy and help for the middle class.



Under Questioning

Mitt and Barack
Have an upcoming date
To take center stage
And launch into debate.

Some say it’s time,
With tacks that are brass,
To talk about help
For the great middle class.

For the outcome, the voters
Must wait until later;
But Barack says that Mitt’s
A much better debater.

The media’s focus
From down on the floor
Will be centered on whom
Will have the best score.

But folks who must choose
Amid all the suspense
Just hope the debaters
Will make common sense.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Actor admits to “hot affair”

Arnold Schwarzenegger has confirmed he had a "hot affair" with actress Brigitte Nielsen at a time he was dating, and living with, Maria Shriver. Neilsen says she had no idea, at the time, that the actor was involved with Ms. Shriver.



      Arnie Recalls

To hear Arnold tell it,
It seems at a glance
He simply can’t keep
His act in his pants.

Such a rogue is our Arnie,
He’s, indeed, an old flirt,
He seems always ready
To “get into” a skirt.

He admits he indulged
In a steamy affair
While his lady, Maria,
Was quite unaware.

Arnie’s made lots of money
Amid action and thrills.
And did it although
He has few acting skills.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

NFL officials agree on a new contract

Locked-out NFL referees are expected back on the football field this weekend. The league and its officials agreed to a new eight-year contract, after two long days of talks that included commissioner Roger Goodell.





                           Unlocked

The fans and the players are quick to react
As the NFL refs agree to a pact.
They’ll all be on hand for the rest of the games,
Saving coaches and fans from going down in flames.
It’s the moment for which so many have prayed –
Officials who know just how football is played.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Football fans protest replacement refs

Fans of the Green Bay Packers gathered outside Lambeau Field to protest their teams’s Monday night loss to the Seattle Supersonics. They blame it on the replacement refs and are calling for an end to the NFL referee lockout.






       Pass In Review

There’s something amiss
The NFL must address;
It’s quite simply this:
The year’s games are a mess.

The guys in the stripes
Are without the right props;
And among other gripes,
Lack pro football chops.

So, Mr. Goodell,
May we ask in chagrin,
That you please break the spell -
Let the real refs back in.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Romney: Obama’s trying to fool voters

Republican candidate Romney accuses President Obama of leveling inaccurate attacks. He says the president is misleading voters into thinking the republican believes things he doesn’t believe.



                   Clearing The Air

Says Romney, Obama’s misleading us all
On what Mitt’s campaign is about.
He says he’ll explain a bit later this fall,
As soon as he figures things out.


©  2012   Jim Gordon

Kelsey Grammer tuning out the Emmys

Television star Kelsey Grammer says he won’t be watching the Emmys, this year. Described as “irked”, Grammer says he’s at a loss for why he was omitted from the awards ceremony.



                    Sensing A Snub

Kelsey won’t tune in the Emmys this year
Because he feels somewhat dismissed.
Not being picked for a statue, we fear,
It seems that “Boss” Grammer is pissed.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

U.S. officials discouraging trips to Pakistan

The State Department says Americans should postpone un-necessary travel to Pakistan as protests continue over an anti-Islam film.  Officials report more than 1,000 protestors tried to storm the U.S. Embassy.

 

        Reel Problems

Uncle Sam is suggesting

It might not be the best thing
To travel to Pakistan.

Things are not quiet;

There's many a riot
Since all that unrest began.

It seems there's this movie

That's not seen as groovy,
And seems to be causing a threat.

As things are unraveling,

Postpone your planned trav'ling -
'Cause those Muslims are really upset


©  2012  Jim Gordon

No name change – for now

Trustees at Penn State are holding off on renaming the Gary Schultz Child Care Center at the university. Any such decision, it seems, will await the outcome of Schultz’s trial on perjury charges.



             Appellation Fixation

That building named for Gary Schultz
Will stay unchanged, awhile;
Trustees will keep the moniker,
At least, until the trial.

Though tension seems to still be high,
Folks strive to keep their cool.
There just might be some folks who want
A new name for the school.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Macy’s employee sets a record

Rose Richardone has decided to retire. From her first day on the job, Rose witnessed lots of retail history being made. Despite how much she loves it at Macy’s flagship store, Rose says a broken hip is prompting her to step down…at the age of 92 after a record-breaking 73 years on the job.



The Missing Rose

Rose saw many
A change of pace
Since she went work
At Macy’s place.

Though hours were long,
She enjoyed herself
As she got to know
Almost every shelf.

A broken hip,
The final blow,
Made it quite clear
That she must go

So, at ninety-two,
Rose just retired
Seventy-three years
After she was hired.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Prince Harry returns to war

Prince Harry has returned to Afghanistan to begin another tour of duty as a gunner for an attack helicopter. Clad for combat, Captain Harry Wales joined Britain’s 9,500 troops, based mainly in Helmand province.




       Engaging the Enemy

According to his ongoing plan,
Harry’s back in Afghanistan
To do his part in the current war,
As he begins another four-month tour.

After his publicized Las Vegas party,
Harry seems quite hale and hearty.
And following a different quest,
The prince is back and fully dressed.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Health care report shows waste

A report from the Institute of Medicine says the U.S. health care system wastes billions of dollars a year. The report targets unneeded care, outdated paperwork and fraud.


       Faced with Waste

As the GOP and Democrats
Discuss our state of health,
The Institute of Medicine
Says it’s not a case of wealth.

It says that billions could be saved
And leave lots of people awed
If un-needed care and paper work
Were dumped along with fraud.

A year-long study seems to show
A solution in the air;
Could it mean some needed cuts
Would, in turn, mean better care?

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

News Doesn't Need To Rhyme Every Single Time

In covering current events, sometimes one is prompted to go for some laughs instead of rhyming lines.


In Washington, DC, a Superior Court judge says the city’s allowed to keep installing it’s new smart meter system in its taxi cabs. But an administrative law judge will soon rule on whether it’s better to just teach the drivers how to make change.


Authorities in Pensacola, Florida found human brains, hearts, and lungs stored in Tupperware containers. They were inside a storage unit once owned by an employee of the medical examiner’s office. The authorities are trying to find out how successful her home parties were.


83-year old Ron Akana just set a world record as the oldest flight attendant to retire from United Airlines. He was with the airline for 63 years. He says he’d planned to retire at 65 but had to wait until his plane got clearance to leave the tarmac.


Illinois Governor Quinn has rejected a bill to expand gambling that would have made way for a land-based casino in Chicago. He had no comment on whether the facility would have included a Chick-fil-A restaurant, complete with a wedding chapel.


Special Education teacher Theresa Kersting, in Winona, Minnesota, has resigned after pleading guilty to slapping a student and sentenced to one year probation. She’d been accused of slapping a 19-year old male student after he grabbed her glasses and threw them on the floor. It’s believed Kersting didn’t mean to slap his face but without her glasses she couldn’t see well enough to kick him in the balls.


Nevada health officials warn it’s likely that mosquitoes infected with the West Nile Virus are present throughout Las Vegas. They’re warning people with symptoms including fever, headache, tiredness, and body aches, to check with their doctors…or at the very least change their seats at the black jack table.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Harry reveals the bare facts

Photographs of an unclad Prince Harry have been confirmed as genuine. The official residence of the Prince of Wales says that, indeed, the photos of the naked prince are the real thing.



    The Family Jewels

They may be the funniest
You ever saw –
There goes our Prince Harry and
He’s in the raw.

He’s only three heart beats
From the British throne,
Unless, for some reason,
He turns to stone.

He went to Las Vegas to
Have a good time;
Now we’ve all seen nude pics of
The Royal Slime.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

War and Medicare not mentioned

As Mitt Romney accepted his party’s nomination for president, he failed to address the problems of Afghanistan and Medicare. Also left out of his speech were his plans for Social Security and illegal aliens.



 Left Unsaid

Social Security,
And Medicare;
Neither one mentioned
But both in the air;

Then, of course, there’s Iraq
And Afghanistan,
And illegal invaders
Against which is a ban.

To ignore all those problems,
To some folks is absurd;
Though candidate Romney
Didn’t utter a word.

He spoke of the budget,
And even abortion,
That he says he will conquer
In some sort of proportion.

He says he’s our savior
And vows not to renege;
All in all, what he promised
Was politically vague.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Condi Critical of Foreign Policy

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice criticized President Obama’s leadership role during her remarks at the GOP convention. She charged that world leaders have been left to wonder – “Where does America stand?”



Taking The Lead

Condoleezza Rice
Added to the drama
At the GOP convention
Referring to Obama.

As a leader of the free world,
She says he isn’t pressing;
And in the face of danger,
He keeps friend and foe both guessing.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Romney jokes about his birth certificate

Campaigning in Michigan, Mitt Romney joked that no one has ever asked to see his birth certificate. The candidate’s top advisor says Romney was simply referring to the fact that Michigan is where he was born and raised.



 

      Native Son

It’s politics as usual
Filled with digs and scorn;
As Romney notes that folks don’t ask
Where he was bred and born.

Some folks feel his comment, though,
Is on the right-wing fringe,
As candidates throw out remarks
That make some voters cringe.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Judge says Nevadans can no longer vote for ‘none’

U.S. District Judge Robert Jones has ruled Nevada voters no longer have the option of casting ballots for ‘none of the above.’ Says Jones, such an alternative is unconstitutional.




          Casting About

Nevada’s folks must choose
Which candidates they love;
Their ballot now must lose
It’s “none of the above.”

A district judge has spoken,
Though some are disagreeing;
To keep the rules unbroken,
Vote for a human being.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Candidates accused of being too negative

According to a recent poll, voters feel the presidential candidates tend to be bit “too negative.” Some voters asked, say they’d like to see both sides address the issues facing the country.



Positives Attract

As candidates try
To catch our ear,
Most seem to apply
The partisan smear.

Such negative tone
May get some to join,
While others bemoan
While flipping a coin.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Romney picks Ryan

Mitt Romney has chosen Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan as his choice for VP. The two men are expected to depart on a four-day bus tour of what are termed “key battleground states.”



           Team-Mates

Up before the roaring lion,
Romney said his man is Ryan.
As Mitt prepares for his p’litical fate,
He’s welcoming his running mate.

Though he’s yet to be the man selected,
Romney’s seen as the one expected
To run against Barak Obama
And renew the presidential drama.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Who will Romney choose for Veep ?

It seems lots of folks in and around Washington have suggestions for Mitt Romney’s running mate. Team Obama’s spokeswoman Jen Psaki is quoted as suggesting Newt Gingrich or Michele Bachmann. With tongue planted firmly in cheek, Psaki says as soon as Romney makes his choice, her people will be “happy to tell you why that person may be a bad pick for middle-class families.



    Awaiting A Mating

Obama’s folks are waiting
To see who Romney picks
As a running mate in battle
And suggest folks just for kicks.

Newt’s name’s, of course, been mentioned,
And some suggest Michele;
If Romney’s made his choice,
He’s yet to show and tell.

Obama’s Jen Psaki
Is awaiting Mitt’s selection
So she can lead the chorus
On reasons for rejection.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Harry Reid accused of lying

Top Republican leaders say Democrat Harry Reid is lying when he passes along a claim that Mitt Romney hasn't paid taxes for 10 years. Romney, meantime, has refused to release more than one year of tax returns. He feels his critics would distort the information and use it against him.




A Taxing Question

The GOP says
That Harry is fibbing
As he attacks Mr. Romney
And gives him a ribbing.

Chairman Reince Priebus
Calls Harry a liar;
And appears to be ready
To hold his feet to the fire.

The democrats say
Mitt should keep his composure
And simply release
His full tax disclosure.

But Romney says ‘no’,
He’ll just give a portion,
For fear that his foes
Will cause a distortion.

But opponents insist
There’s no sinister plot;
They just want to see
How much money he’s got.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Lifeguard billed $2,600

John Clark of Vancouver, Wash. swam to the rescue of a boy struggling in the surf off the coast of Oregon. Later, Clark received bills from the hospital, the doctor, and the ambuance company totaling $2,600.



               Treading Water

John kept the kid from going down;
Just couldn’t bear to see him drown;
He swam and swam right through the surf
To prevent disaster on his turf.

Imagine, then, the shock, the chill
When he got his mail and saw the bill.
He helped the lad get back on land
And then got billed a couple of grand.

The question, now, is how much flack
Would he get for tossing the youngster back?

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Romney raises British stir

Mitt Romney caused a bit of a stir when he questioned whether the British are ready to host the Olympic Games. The GOP candidate is traveling abroad in an effort to show he can represent the U.S. on the world stage. British Prime Minister David Cameron assured Romney that Britain can deal with the task.



           Gamesmanship

Mitt’s mingling with the Brits
To show he’s just the man
To represent us overseas,
Insisting that he can.

His visit coincides
With the British launching pad
For summer fun we all await:
This year’s Olympiad.

Mitt stirred up British ire
Without really naming names;
He has his doubts, he says,
The Brits can run the games.

Dave Cam’ron seems to feel
That Romney’s out of line;
And wants the world to know
The Brits will do fine.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Tony Robbins followers treated for burns

According to fire officials in San Jose, Calif., at least 21 people suffered second- or third-degree burns while walking barefoot across hot coals. The ritual is part of an event presented by motivational speaker Tony Robbins. The “Firewalk Experience” is promoted as a way to “unleash the power within.”



                Hot on the trail

The plan was to help release power,
But soon the party grew sour;
For the man the students admire,
They all walked, barefoot, across fire.
Then it all came apart at the seams
As folks all around heard the screams.
Some wondered – could they reach their goals
Without walking on burning hot coals?
Because one of their major concerns
Is it’s really no fun – and it burns.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Brits Ban Bikinis

The powers-that-be in London have announced that the North London Wildcats will do the cheer-leading honors for the Olympic Games. The decision appears to fly in the face of the public vote for the bikini-sporting Crystals.



            Plain English

We’ve been at the end of wits,
Awaiting all the glitz
An Olympic game permits.
But thanks, now, to the Brits
We’ll miss out on the tits.
Ain’t that just the pits?

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Capital Hill raises Hell

U.S. congress members are quite angry over the choice of uniforms for the U.S. Olympic athletes. Both parties are upset over the U.S. Olympic Committee’s choice of apparel made in China as the American textile industry struggles economically.



         Getting Oriented

Republicans joined Democrats
In being up in arms,
As they accused USOC
Of lacking certain charms.

The Hill is quite bipartisan
As it throws its latest rant.
Members feel the choice of clothes
Should take a diff’rent slant.

 ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Las Vegas police subdue runaway chimps

One chimpanzee is dead, a second tranquilized, after the pair escaped from their backyard cage in Las Vegas. According to authorities, the agitated animals broke out of their backyard enclosure and started running through a residential area.



   Going Ape

Las Vegas cops,
With all their might,
Were out to face
The troglodyte.

Two chimpanzees,
Each one a pet,
Escaped their cage
And posed a threat.

Police went out
Full speed ahead;
One ape’s asleep,
The other’s dead.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Whites-only conference causes consternation

A pastor in Alabama has drawn criticism for holding a conference for white Christians only. As Ku Klux Klan flags and white supremacy slogans surround the conference, the Rev. Mel Lewis insisted, “We're not violating any ordinances. We're bringing the Word of God to people who want it…” The conference will conclude with a cross being set on fire Friday night. Organizers say it's not a cross-burning, but rather sacred Christian cross lighting.



          Seeing The White

They said it’s nothing pers’nal;
We should get off their backs;
They’re just a bunch of white guys
That don’t hang out with blacks.

Three Klansmen started drinking
To repent for when they sinned;
They downed so many bottles,
They were three sheets to the wind.

To light up the word of Jesus,
To which they all aspire,
They took out books of matches
And set a cross on fire.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

The Nation Celebrates

Cities across America celebrate the nation’s independence with time off from the job and the annual display of colorful explosions in the sky.



Re-light The Fuse

The day, the fourth;
The month, July.
We celebrate;
I’ll tell ya why.

Two hundred years,
Well, really more;
We’ve all been free
To mind the store.

Folks take a break
Enjoy their perks
Just have some fun
And fireworks.

Then, rested up
And feeling fine,
Return, pursue
Their bottom line.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Murdoch and Cher draw fire for tweets

Rupert Murdoch appears to have sparked a backlash for his tweets on Scientology. Referring to the recent breakup of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Murdoch said “Something creepy, maybe even evil, about these people.” Earlier, Cher drew fire for tweeting about Mitt Romney and the Mormons.



How Tweet Is It?

When some boot up and start to tweet,
They feel it wise to be discreet;
But Cher and Rupert upload scoops
With words designed to rouse the troops.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Actor Baldwin says “I do”

Alec Baldwin has married his yoga instructor. The 54-year-old actor and his 28-year-old yoga instructor, Hilaria Thomas, were wed, Saturday, at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in New York City.



Hooking Up

Alec and Hil
Walked hand in hand
Midst fam’ly and friends
To take their stand
And say their vows
At old Saint Pat’s
As fans stood by
To extend congrats.

Did the paparazzi
Make the list?
Or opt to avoid
Mr. Baldwin’s fist?

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Signing leads to jail

Natalie Plummer found her self under arrest after displaying a sign warning drivers of a speed trap. She says she was taken to jail and accused of obstructing justice. Plummer claims she was just trying to get motorists to stop driving so fast.



           Sign Here

Natalie says her mission
Was to slow down people’s driving
But she found herself accused of
Obstructing and conniving.

It’s fine to help your neighbor,
You can write it down or holler;
As long as all your efforts
Don’t foil a lawman’s collar.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Poll shows winner doesn’t matter

Fifty percent of Americans polled say it doesn’t matter who’ elected president as far as the economy is concerned. Voters see much of the problem influenced by financial problems in Europe and political gridlock in congress.



          Office Basics

Half the people questioned
Feel it doesn’t matter much
Who wins the oval office
Since both seem out of touch.

No matter what they promise,
No matter what their skill,
Neither man can help us
Without backing from The Hill.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Former tycoon awaits sentencing

Prosecutors in R. Allen Stanford’s trial for fraud want the judge to send the defendant to prison for 230 years. He’s been convicted on charges he ran a Ponzi scheme that bilked investors out of more than $7 billion. Defense attorneys are asking for a maximum of 44 months. Stanford’s been in jail since his arrest in 2009.



                  High Time

The Feds would send Al Stanford
To one of our penitentiaries
For a rather lengthy sentence
Of over a couple centuries.

But if they prove successful,
No need to cry and shed  tears;
With time served and good behavior,
He can get out in a hundred years.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Trump says he’ll sue Miss USA contestant

Donald Trump says he plans to go to court over Miss Pennsylvania’s allegations that the Miss USA pageant was rigged.  Trump says Sheena Monnin’s charges are “ridiculous” and a case of “loser’s remorse.”

      Courting Charges


Donald Trump’s a bit upset
With Miss Pa. – that’s Sheena.
He calls her charges sour grapes,
Having lost in the arena.

He feels the lady’s less than sharp;
And not all that astute;
He calls her charge nonsensical
And plans to, soon, file suit.

 
©  2012   Jim Gordon

Accusers won’t get aliases

The judge in the Jerry Sandusky trial says prosecution witnesses will not be permitted to use false names. John Cleland ruled the former assistant coach’s accusers must testify using their real names.



    Facing His Accusers

As Jerry’s trial approaches
To take its place in history,
The judge says his accusers
May not remain a mystery.

Says His Honor, it’s quite simple;
For the court to hear their claims,
They’ll face cross-examination
And will tell the court their names.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

More people call for Romney; FDA recalls a toy

News keeps occurring all the time
And doesn’t always clearly rhyme.


Mitt Romney’s favorability rating is up somewhat. The latest poll shows 41 percent of Americans want Romney and 52 percent want Obama.
The other 7 percent want to know why Romney beat up on a gay guy when he was in college and where Obama was born, really.


The FDA is recalling the Imaginarium 5-Sided Activity Center. It says the small wooden knobs attaching the xylophone keys can detach and cause a choking hazard.
Toys R Us received eight reports of the knobs detaching. There were no injuries but in one of the incidents, every time the kid coughs, he plays the C scale.

 
©  2012   Jim Gordon

Edwards jurors told not to discuss the case

The judge in the John Edwards trial has told the jury not to talk about the case during the long holiday weekend. U.S. District Judge Catherine C. Eagles told the jurors to hold any discussions of the case until they’re back together in the jury room.



      In Recess

The jury is taking
A holiday break
With John Edwards’ freedom
Still clearly at stake.

The judge told the members
To keep their mouths shut;
Not to mention the case
Or discuss just what’s what.

Meantime, an alternate,
To some, disconcerting,
Was seen smiling at John
And what some see as flirting.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

President's place of birth verified

Arizona's Secretary of State says he has the proof he needs that President Obama was born in the United States. Ken Bennett says Hawaii has verified the president's birth records and Obama's name will appear on the Arizona ballot in the fall.

       Validation

For a moment, there,

'twas touch and go;
But then the answers
Began to flow.

Seems Arizona

Called for some proof;
and kind of threatened
To raise the roof.

Hawaii answered;

It's as they say -
Obama was born
In the USA.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Philadelphia archdiocese ousts two more priests

The archdiocese of Philadelphia has removed two more men from its ministry. Officials say the men have been found unsuitable for the ministry following claims that each had sexually abused a minor.




              Father Away

Heed the young lad screaming;
You can hear him hoot and holler;
“Hey, Mom, that guy who’s knocking
Has on a roman collar.”

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

NATO committed to end Afghan war

Members of NATO are meeting to stress their commitment to end the war in Afghanistan by 2014. Meantime, the fighting continues and many see more deaths coming over the next two years.



        End In Sight?

The president and NATO
Say soon the war will end;
But for some their optimism
Is tough to comprehend.

That’s because the fighting
Is heard from dusk to dawn,
As death and devastation
Of bloody war goes on.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Biden answers Romney

Vice President Joe Biden says running a successful business is not the same as running a country. Biden notes a company president deals with stock holders while the country’s chief executive answers to every citizen.



          Enterprising

For Biden, doing business
Is not the same running
A country, ‘cause a person
Must be a bit more cunning.

When congress fights its leader
And makes opponents tired,
The president is stymied,
‘Cause those guys can’t be fired.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Double agent foils al-Qaida

A would-be suicide bomber turned out to be a double agent and foiled the latest plan to blow up a plane in the skies over the United states. The bomb makers have been working on their devices for three years in Yemen.



          Bombs Away

al-Qaida’s safe in Yemen;
Making bombs is still its plan;
Maybe we could stop them,
But we’re in Afghanistan.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

TV personalities face some changes

Kathy Lee and Hoda underwent some cosmetic changes on the air.  During the Today Show's Happy Hour, Kathy Lee enjoyed an eyebrow lift while Hoda lost some forearm hair.

         LIfting Spirits

Ms. Kathy Lee and Hoda

Were both put through their paces;
The ladies had their noses
Put back amid their faces.

Of course, we're only kidding;

Neither lady came to harm;
Kathy got some eye brows,
Hoda's hair came off her arm.

Something special from "Today"

From what's called Happy Hour;
The network keeps on fighting
To regain its morning power.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Octomom goes bankrupt

Nadya Suleman has reportedly filed for Chapter Seven Bankruptcy in an effort to get what she terms "a fresh start" for her and her children.  Reports indicate the Octomom has debts  amounting to as much as $1 million.

    Chapter And Verse

Nadya's facing challenges,

They're most certainly not funny;
She's overwhelmed by creditors
And running out of money.

She's taking steps to stem the tide

Consuming her and kids;
The Octomom is taking steps
So's not to hit the skids.

It seems the life she's leading now

Is more like Hell than Heaven;
So, to buy some time to breathe a bit
She's filed for Chapter Seven.

She'll look for ways to bounce on back;

Just how, well, Heaven knows.
There's always that "Reality"
And its television shows.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Dad sues school for reaction to his son’s cheating

A man in California is suing his son’s school district for expelling the boy from an honors English class for cheating. Dad insists it’s school policy to not punish students unless they’re caught cheating for a second time.



Caught up

Dad says give the kid a break
And let him cheat once more;
How else can he, for heaven’s sake,
Get himself a decent score.

Don’t fill his mind with silly stuff,
Like cheating causes strife.
Just let him stay and get prepared
For winning in real life.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Octomom investigated

Police investigated the living conditions at the home of Nadya Suleman, after her hairdresser reported those conditions as deplorable.  She says the children walked around barefoot while she was doing Suleman's hair.  Despite the conditions, said the hairdresser, Octomom paid more than $500 for her new 'do.

         Ya Gotta Have Style

The 14 kids with feet unclad;

Nobody makes a food run.
Conditions seem so very sad
While mama gets her hair done.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Wal-Mart accused of covering up bribes

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. is accused of covering up findings that its Mexican subsidiary bribed officials in that country.  The store is accused of failing to notify law enforcement when it discovered bribes given to Mexican officials to speed up the awarding of building permits.

         Spreading South

Wal-Mart's woes in Mexico,

As we hear some folks describing,
Involve attempts to speed things up
By allegedly, well, bribing.

The home office faces challenges,

Accused by some-ones' say so's
Of making things go faster
By spreading round some pesos.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Hunger Games Raises Interest In Archery

The release and popularity of the Hunger Games movie has increased interest in the sport of archery.



        Getting To The Point

The movie shows kids killing;
Some can hardly wait to start.
Beware lest your young archer
Puts an arrow through your heart.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Getting The Lead Out

A 13-State soil test by USA TODAY shows dirt hazardous to health of kids.


Some folks in Philadelphia just learned a long-gone factory once melted lead across the street from their home. They had no idea how bad the contamination was until their kids began glowing in the dark.


The children are exposed to a poison that lowers intelligence and delays puberty. It’s something of a mixed blessing: they do poorly in school but their clothes fit them longer.


Special teams spent two months testing soil in back yards across the country. They came up with higher scores than the kids who played in the yards.


The EPA considers levels of lead above 400 parts per million hazardous to kids. Some areas with as much as 3,400 parts per million give a whole new meaning to the call to ‘get the lead out.’


Tests show that, for decades, concentrations at Brooklyn’s Red Hook Park baseball field are as much as five times greater than EPA’s hazard level. We all thought they meant run faster when they kept shouting “Get The Lead Out.”


Red Hook Park was on the list of sites visited by EPA, though the department says it has no record of investigating or being there. Which indicates the inspectors may have spent too much time running the bases.


Scientists found that swallowing just 6 micrograms of lead particles a day over 3 months can result in the loss of 1 IQ point. That announcement prompted Mensa officials to send testers to the neighborhoods of all their members.


In the face of all these test numbers, Mensa people came up with disclaimer for their famous test: If you’ve been playing in lead-contaminated dirt, don’t bother answering any of these questions.


One of the symptoms of lead poisoning is irritability. Of course, that can also come from being forced to take all those damn tests.


One published study showed children’s hands picked up high levels of lead during outdoor play sessions at day care centers in New Orleans. Police reports show adults can pick up a lot more lead than that just walking down the street in some New Orleans eighborhoods.


Wikipedia describes lead as a heavy metal that can cause behavior disorders, confusion, and headaches. Sounds like what I went through when my kids listened to Kiss and Led Zeplin.




Playing in lead can have an adverse affect on your heart, intestines, and a variety of body processes. Not all that much different than being married.



©  2012   Jim Gordon

Hillary Clinton's partying raised eyebrows

The press was out in force to record a glimpse of Hillary Clinton taking a break from the Summit of the Americas.  Photos of the Secretary of State dancing and drinking beer in Colombia gave the tabloids something to talk about over the weekend.

               Heading For Fun

When Mrs. Clinton and her friends

Partook of booze and beer;
The tabloids sharpened all their pens
And reported loud and clear.

They snapped some pics of all the gals

With brews before the lasses;
It seems they felt that Hil and pals
Should have sipped it all from glasses.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

North Korea plans more testing

The North Koreans have announced failure of their latest long-range rocket launch. They’re now expected to press on with their next nuclear test to demonstrate their military power.



                   It’s A Blast

The North Koreans feel some shame
Because their rocket failed;
One might think whoe’er’s to blame
Might face some time in jail.

But, no, they see it as a fluke
And, thus sent out the call;.
Next up, they’ll test their latest nuke
To scare us, one and all.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

North Korea warned against testing missiles

The Unites States has told North Korea that its planned long-range rocket launch may result in the end of American food aid. The U. S. and other nations see the launch as an attempt to show off the North's ballistic missile capabilities.

         No Free Launch

The White House is warning
North Koreans to pocket
Any plans they may have
To test their new rocket.

Officials, quite vocal,

Insist they're not jesting:
The North must back off
From all missile testing.

The U. S. must see

Such a move as sadistic;
And wants no such screening
Of missiles ballistic.

We counter their threat,

As forbearance grows thinner,
They may all go to bed
Without any dinner.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

McCain: Santorum should leave the race

Sen. John McCain says Rick Santorum should make a graceful exit from the GOP presidential race.  His comments came after Mitt Romney swept the latest three republican primaries.  When asked about possible running mates for Romney, McCain responded, "I think it should be Sarah Palin."

       Sweeping Up

John says it's high time

That Rick says 'so long',
Since voters now sing
The Mitt Romney's song.

McCain feels that now

Santorum should beat
A graceful farewell,
If not hasty retreat.

Asked then to suggest

A mate for ole Mitt
John kind of hinted
That Sarah might fit.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Annoying comments could be criminal

Arizona lawmakers are working on a bill that would mean jail time for people who write insulting online comments.  The measure would make insulting or threatening comments on line a class one misdemeanor, punishable by up to six months in jail.

         Facing Affront

Arizona feels it's not fine

To insult your neighbor on-line;
So it's moving toward bucking the trend
Of logging on just to offend;
The state feels it's less than adult
To post comments that merely insult;
So if you sign on and assail
You soon may be posting from jail.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Hungry Reviews

The latest blockbuster to hit the movie theaters is attracting reviews from some surprising quarters. There are those who describe Hunger Games as an example of dystopia: a work of fiction that describes a place where life is extremely bad because of deprivation, oppression, or terror.




                   Got Game?

In a story that seems so dystopian,
It’s hard to find folks who are cope-ian,
And there’s hardly any real hope-ian;
So most folks go ‘round just mope-ian
Till they come to the end of their rope-ian.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Octogenarian sues Apple after walking into glass door

Eighty-Three year old Evelyn Paswall is suing Apple after she walked into a glass door at a Long Island Apple store.  She's demanding $1million in punitive damages plus $75,000 in medical expenses.

    What A Pane

In trying to grapple

With what happened at Apple,
That is, walk through a door made of glass.

Both small and colossus

Can break their proboscis
And end up thrown on their ass.

After sitting there stewing

She's decides, then, on suing
Like any ambitious civilian.

She took quite a spill,

Has a medical bill,
And is demanding they pay her a million.


©  2012   Jim Gordon

Justices hold hearings on healthcare

As demonstrators, pro and con, gather outside the Supreme Court, the justices are hearing arguments concerning President Obama's healthcare plan.  Among provisions being argued is one forcing everyone to have health care of pay a penalty at income tax time.

       Courting The Constitution

The SCOTUS folks are now meeting

Under bipartisan glare;
The president may take a beating
As they all debate his healthcare.

Some feel it's a little too regal

To force everyone to insure;
Some folks insist it's illegal
And don't think it ought to endure.

The Justices have lots of questions

Before they do much relaxing;
They'll listen to lots of suggestions
Before ruling if it's all just too taxing.


©   2012  Jim Gordon

Lightening Up

Here’s more news to help pass the time
But this trip it doesn’t quite rhyme


Penn State University is offering counseling to people allegedly abused by Jerry Sandusky. School officials say it can begin as soon as they figure out who those people are.

---------------------------------------------------------
Rod Blagojevich’s former barber says the ex-Illinois governor’s hair is dyed and will turn gray during his prison term. Prison officials ban the use of dyes so inmates can’t disguise themselves and escape. In this case, though, if Blagojevich waits long enough, he can walk out disguised as his father.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Military leaders say after 11 years of war, they still don’t know how many deployments are too many for individual soldiers. When the Pentagon was asked how it missed the chance to follow such large numbers of combat troops, one official said, “Hell, a guy can killed over there.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
One official offered some tell-tale signs, though. For example:

You may have had too many deployments if you ask your wife to pass the salt…at the point of a gun.

Maybe you’ve had enough for a while if you pick your kids up from school in an armored tank.

You might deserve a break from combat if you go small game hunting with a howitzer.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The GOP race for President has rekindled interest in the Etch A Sketch. One official describes it as a symbol of how to shake things up. But Ron Paul might see it as another way to draw a crowd.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Rivera criticized for ‘hoodie’ comment

Criticism continues of Geraldo Rivera’s comments about the role a “hoodie” played in the shooting death of a teenager in Florida. The commentator’s son is quoted as saying he’s ashamed of his father’s remarks.



                ¡Cállate! Senor

When Geraldo reads about mayhem,
He’s inclined to sit up and drool
And follow with asinine comments
That show him to be quite a fool.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Tiger out front

Tiger Woods has jumped into the lead on the PGA tour. Four straight birdies helped take Woods to a 7-under-par 65 and a one-stroke lead at the Arnold Palmer Invitational in Orlando.



          Ironing It Out

Though the tournament’s far
From all said and done
Tiger taken the lead
If only by one.

He seems no longer hurt,
In fact he looks fine,
As he seeks his first win
Since Two Thousand Nine.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Gasoline prices affect summer plans

Americans are changing vacation plans as the price of a gallon of gasoline keeps on rising. One driver, filling up for a trip, noted that they’ll pay $100 just to drive to their vacation destination and back.
“It’s more than our hotel bill,” she said after filling her Ford Ranger.


          Accelerating

Said the driver, “I’m angry,
I simply could spit.”
It’s the price of his gas
That’s causing his fit.

No vacations, this year;
He’s just out of luck,
As he feeds yet more fuel
To his gas guzzling truck.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Obama and challengers at odds over energy

The President and his Republican rivals have their own take on the price of gasoline.  Both sides are looking for the upper hand as energy takes center stage in the political wars.

       Petrol-fied

Drivers are anxious

And calling en masse
For some kind of relief
With the purchase of gas.

It seems with each visit

They pay to the pump,
The cost of a gallon
Has made a big jump.

Both sides seem at odds

On what makes it persist;
Though all quite agree
U. S. drivers are pissed.


©  2012   Jim Gordon

Broncos at Peyton’s Place

Denver’s two Johns, Elway and Fox, dashed to Duke to watch Peyton Manning work out. Earlier, it was confirmed that Manning has decided against signing with the Dolphins.



           Knee Deep

The plot seems to thicken
And all tension mounts
As Elway and Fox both
Run, spring and bounce
To watch Mr. Manning
Sweat and work out;
See how proficient
He displays all his clout.

Meantime some others
Would just want to know
What all this might mean
For Mister. Tibow.
For now, though, the tension
Has folks sweating and fanning
As they wonder if Denver
Will sign Mr. Manning.

 
©    2012  Jim Gordon

Pat Robertson says legalize marijuana

Evangelist Pat Robertson says the government’s war on drugs is a failure. So he says marijuana should be legalized and controlled like alcohol. Robertson adds he’s in no way encouraging people to use drugs in any way, shape or form.



      No Need To Ban The Weed

Pat Robertson says we simply have got
To all get together and legalize pot.
Smoking the weed will make folks less frisky
Than people who spend their weekends with whisky.
Though Pat won’t light up, his one simple point:
Don’t send folks to jail for having a joint.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Romney and Santorum continue their battle

The two front-runners in the GOP primary race say they're satisfied with how the Michigan vote turned out.  Santorum and Romney are looking ahead to Ohio, with Gingrich eyeing Georgia and Paul heading for Alaska.  All four are focused on the 10 Super Tuesday contests.

               Dialing For Delegates

Santorum and Romney, way out in front,

Are shifting their gears in the delegate hunt;
Feeling empowered, they're off on a spree
To Virginia, Ohio, and of course, Tennessee.
And though the front-runners pick up their pace,
Gingrich and Paul say they're still in the race.
From now until summer, they'll all keep on rolling
To win over envoys for whom they are trolling.
And then there'll be one to continue the drama
As he tries, come November, to throw out Obama.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Weather brings the bugs

Insects that normally don’t appear until April are making an early appearance. Entomologists say the mild weather is attracting the pests.



        Bugging You

A winter that’s so mild
Can cause a scene so wild
As the weeks and months advance;
Things start to seem quite queer
As the vermin all appear,
Including all these beetles, wasps, and ants.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Brockovich probe 'preliminary'

Eric Brockovich says her investigation into what's causing medical problems for several people in an upstate New York town is in its preliminary stages.  Some believe a chemical spill, more than forty years ago, is to blame for the tics and outbursts among some of the village's young people.

         Prelude to a Probe

Ms. Brockovich is probing, still,

A forty year old toxic spill;
She's taking her full bag of tricks
To see what's causing all those tics.
Folks hope Ms. Brockovich can tell
If it's why the youngsters scream and yell.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Gingrich sees gasoline at $2 a gallon

Newt Gingrich, campaigning in Oklahoma, predicts $2 a gallon for gasoline if he win's the White House.  Rick Santorum, meantime, told Ohio voters to brace for $5 at the pump.  Both candidates have been talking about oil exploration in North Dakota.

        Fill 'er Up

Newt is talking gas

On his presidential stump;
Telling folks, en masse,
He'll cut prices at the pump.

Three dollars made folks sore

It's made lots of drivers blue;
As prices creep toward four,
Newt suggests he'll make it two.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Pat Buchanan: I’ve been blacklisted

MSNBC has fired commentator Pat Buchanan after a 10 year relationship.
Buchanan says he’s been blacklisted because of this book, “Suicide of a Superpower: Will America Survive to 2025?" which some critics call racist and anti-semitic. Buchanan says his book tour proves such charges are false.


            Off The Air

Buchanan’s now at liberty
The network’s through with Pat;
So says MSNBC;
That’s all there is to that.

Some blame it on his latest book,
Which critics view with fright;
They say he’s down on Jews and Blacks
And, therefore, just too white.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Black customer settles lawsuit involving racial slur

A California restaurant has settled a lawsuit filed by black businessman Mark McHenry over a credit card receipt that contained a racial slur. The Landmark Steakhouse settled for an undisclosed amount involving a receipt that listed McHenry as “McStinkyNigger” among other names. McHenry is said to have been a regular customer at the restaurant for several years.



                    McWho?

Mr. McHenry has settled his suit,
Both sides seem to confer;
The settlement’s for a steakhouse receipt
That bore an alleged racial slur.

No one is saying what the steakhouse will pay
To make it all disappear;
But if you’re real quiet and listen real close,
You may hear his attorneys’ loud cheer.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Obama meets with China’s next leader

President Obama welcomed Xi Jinping to Washington for talks about human rights and foreign crises. Vice President Biden joined the president letting Xi know both nations need to play by the same rules.



               Building Rapport

It might be seen as a political fling,
The White House welcome of Xi Jinping;
Who met with Obama
And with not that much drama,
Heard how we’d like to hear freedom ring.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

President’s budget shows government growth

President Obama has announced a record $3.8 trillion budget that includes money for roads and schools; some belt-tightening for the war machine; plus higher taxes on the wealthy. Republicans accuse the president of failing to deal with deficits.



         Spending Unveiled

Obama’s budget – a record high,
May see opponents’ mouths go dry;
Three-point-eight trillion strong
The GOP thinks something’s wrong.

To take a look at what it’s for,
Despite some cuts for stuff like war,
There are other things for which it bodes,
Like money for our schools and roads.

Republicans may see a glitch
In tax increases for the rich.
Seeing all that money flowing,
Indicates the gov’ment’s growing.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Network suspends Roland Martin

CNN says commentator Roland Martin is under suspension “for the foreseeable future.” The network acted following a complaint from a gay rights group that said a remark by Martin advocated violence against gays. Martin has said his comment was made in jest and was not aimed at the gay community.


   Hanging Out

CNN has given in
And dumped a commentator;
Is he guilty of a sin?
Is he really such a hater?

The group that he made really mad
Wants Roland’s job, there, ended.
The network’s answer, then, to GLAAD
Was Roland is suspended.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

No dance card for Tebow

A spokesman for Tim Tebow says the Bronco quarterback won't be dancing with the stars anytime soon.  Patrick Smith says Tebow is concentrating on the 2012 football season.

           Not Seeing Stars

Tim won't be going to the dance,

His spokesman has revealed;
The Bronco's working to enhance
His performance on the field.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

GLADD not happy

GLAAD wants CNN to fire Roland Martin.  The gay rights group says the commentator's tweets about an underwear commercial on the Super Bowl telecast was a slur against gay men.

               Setting Him Straight

It's seems that now, the folks at GLAAD

Are really, really, really MAD
At Roland Martin and CNN.

Hostilities are in the air

Over Martin's crack on underwear
Which the group says was aimed at their gay men.

He made remarks that GLAAD don't like

So it wants RM to take a hike.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Group calls on J. C. Penney to dump Ellen

One Million Moms, an offshoot of the American Family Association, objects to J.C. Penney’s use of Ellen DeGeneres as the chain’s new spokeswoman. The group faults the store for selecting the openly gay talk show host when most of Penney’s customers are “traditional families.” OMM is demanding the chain replace DeGeneres with someone it says is “neutral in the culture war.”



                    RebEllion

One Million Moms: J. C., see here!
We don’t want somebody queer
To represent how we spend our money;
And we don’t think it’s one bit funny.
We’re reaching out to simply say
Spare us from those folks so gay.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon