The President Extending Holiday

President Obama now plans to return to Washington on Tuesday. A spokesman says the president wants to spend a little more time with his family before getting back to work.



Resting Up

Obama says he’ll stay
On vacation one more day.
Though he soon must get in gear
For the legislative year,
When all is said and done,
He’s having too much fun.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Vick May Miss Cowboys

Eagles coach Andy Reid will wait to see if Michael Vick will play against Dallas on Sunday. The quarterback suffered a nasty leg bruise in Tuesday's loss to the Vikings. He and other starters may rest prior to hosting the NFC's No. 6 seed on Jan. 8 or 9.


               On The Mend

The Eagles may have all they need;
They certainly can't kick.
No one's more pleased then Andy Reid
And quarterback Mike Vick.

Looks like Mike will have to rest
After Tuesday night's contusion;
Andy thinks that's really best
And will lead to less confusion.

So Kevin may now get a chance,
Though Sunday's game won't matter,
To don his jersey and his pants
And make the Cowboys scatter.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Spider-Man Loses Antagonist

Actress Natalie Mendoza is quitting the Spider-Man production in New York. Mendoza, playing villainess Arachne, is one of four actors who has suffered a concussion during preview performances of the injury-plagued show.



              De-Parting

Spider-Man’s chief adversary
Chose a new itinerary.
The actor is just one of four
Who may still be rather sore.

It seems an earlier concussion
Has led the way to a discussion
Of plans on how she may contrive
To leave the show while still alive.



©  2010  Jim Gordon

Boomers’ Retirement Years At Risk

As more than 10, 000 baby boomers prepare to turn 65 in the coming year, many are facing too little funds to make it comfortable. The disappearance of the traditional pension plan, reliance on stocks, and the falling home values are putting many at financial risk.



         Funding The Future

The baby boomers may be facing
Circumstances, dire.
The year ahead will find them all
Beginning to retire.

As they face their leisure years,
Some are not elated;
Their nest egg’s not what they had hoped
‘Cause they procrastinated.

Though many people plan ahead
To see their labors stop,
Some boomers say they’re ready to
Keep working till they drop.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Blizzard Interferes with after-Christmas Sales

Merchants along the east coast lost out, at least temporarily, on some after Christmas business thanks to a major snowstorm that kept lots of people home. Forecasters were calling for accumulations of 10 to 20 inches between New Jersey and New England.



Snow Way To Do Business

Many an east coast merchant
Is not a happy camper;
They had hoped for lots of shoppers
Till Mother Nature’s winter damper.

Lots of after Christmas sales plans
From New Jersey up to Maine
Were cancelled of delayed some
With a blizzard raising cain.

Shoppers dreamed of savings
On things from shirts to blouses.
But all the snow from down below
Confined them in their houses.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Spider-Man Reopens Despite Actor’s Fall

Producers of “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” reopened on Broadway despite injuries to the lead actor’s stunt double. State safety officials say they’re keeping close watch on the production to be sure it’s safe.



                   Curtains

As cast and crew tried to embark
On Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark,
Spidey’s double took a fall
Moments away from curtain call.

Favorite actors and some unknowns
Flirt, each night, with broken bones.
But, hey, relax, they’re all quite skilled.
It won’t stop till someone’s killed.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Lohan’s Accuser Axed

The woman who accused Lindsay Lohan of battery has lost her job with the Betty Ford Clinic. Dawn Holland has been, in turn, accused to breaking the facilities rule of patient confidentiality.



                Off The Team

Lindsay’s accuser’s no longer aboard
As a clinical staffer at Betty Ford.
Officials attribute the lady’s egress
To a leak of the incident to the press.
A spokesperson says it’s quite essential
That patient affairs are confidential.
Midst “she says, she says” allegations,
Officials continue their conversations
To see if the charge is a false report,
Or if Lindsay ends up going back to court.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Staff Member Accuses Lindsay Of Battery

A report out of Los Angeles indicates Lindsay Lohan is accused of battery against a staff member at a rehab center. Prosecutors are said to be considering whether to file criminal charges against the actress.



    Facing Charges

It’s anything but flattery
To be accused of battery,
That’s the latest accusation,
Where Lindsay’s rehabilitation
Is causing just a slight sensation.
Investigators have inquired
To see exactly what transpired.
The media wants all to hear –
Exactly what, though, isn’t clear.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Word Trackers Pick The Year's Favorite

Officials at Merriam-Webster report more people looked up the meaning of "austerity" than any other word during the last 12 months. They've chosen it, therefore, as 2010's "Word of the Year."




               What's It All Mean

The folks who tell us the meaning of words
Keep an eye on what we look up;
And it seems this year, our favorite showed
An economy that's rather shook up.

It seems that we all go searching for
Words that we've heard or seen,
Because news reports prompt many of us
To find out what all those words mean.

And Webster's folks are keeping tab
On those words that we see and hear
So they can pick our favorite one
As the pet word of the year.

This year's winner would indicate
The economy's severity
And Webster's editors declare
The winner is "austerity."

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Senate Votes Out “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

Washington – The Senate has repealed the law that has barred gays and lesbians from serving in the armed forces. The bill repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell” now goes to President Obama, who’s expected to sign it into law.




                     A Gay Time

The Senate decided it’s time to dispel
The rule that says ‘don’t ask and don’t tell;
And it’s seen by some folks as a red banner day
For those in the service who profess to be gay;
On the other hand, though, there’s also that faction
That feels such a change will be a distraction.
The other side says they’ve righted a wrong
And gays will be serving right where they belong.
How all will accept the change is not clear;
And it won’t be in force for close to a year.
But the vote has been cast after years of debate
And the gays will be marching from boot camp to Kuwait.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Weatherwoman Charged With False Rape Report

Heidi Jones is off the WABC-TV weather set and facing a possible term in jail. Jones says an attempted rape she had reported earlier to police never happened.



Not So Ravish - ing

The weather gal is out of work
And may not being going back.
The problem stems from her report
Of a sexual attack.

It all took place in Central Park,
As she described the caper.
She said as she was jogging through,
A man grabbed and tried to rape her.

Now, she says, it wasn’t true,
There was no rape attempt;
Her colleagues who had tried to help
Regard her with contempt.

She’s found herself without a job
And taken off to jail
For her false police report
And her fabricated tale.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Survey: Obama Far From Out

A survey shows President Obama is ahead in the numbers for re-election in 2012. He’s seen as having a comfortable lead Republicans Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin. The survey also shows most Americans like the president, personally, while they disagree with his policies.




          Still In The Game

The president’s approval scores
Are anything but great;
The economy and joblessness
Make voters quite irate.

Despite it all, he has no choice
But to take things in his stride;
And a survey shows he’s way ahead
Of threats from the other side.

His policies leave many cold;
They don’t see eye-to-eye;
But most, it seems are of one mind:
Barak’s a real nice guy.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

"Age" scrubs Gay

The word "gay" has been replaced in an upcoming episode of "Men of a Certain Age." Co-creator Mike Royce says the line has been changed to "lame."



           Happy Ending

A war of words was averted,
When sitcom scribes were alerted,
And a "G" word of fame
Was converted to "lame."
Now the language seems somewhat subverted.



©  2010  Jim Gordon

Ballerina Weighs Criticism

Ballet dancer Jennifer Ringer is taking her critic's comments in stride. Alastair MaCaulay, of the New York Times, wrote the ballerina "looked as if she'd eaten one sugarplum too many." Ms. Ringer notes she does have a more womanly figure than your average ballet dancer.



Keeping On Her Toes

In the current Nutcracker,
The lady's no slacker,
And is not upset with her critic.
He thinks she's too plump,
And though he's no chump,
Maybe he's too analytic.

'Cause Jen's quite a dancer;
For the show, an enhancer;
Though Al sees a need to lose weight.
But she's here to stay
A gift to Ballet,
And her audience calls her first rate.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Witch Quote Tops List

Former Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell has won first place in Yale University’s list of the year’s best quotes. O’Donnell, quoted as denying being a witch, tied for the lead with BP’s Tony Hayward. He was quoted as wishing his life back in the wake of the worst offshore oil spill in history.


Quotable Notables

Fred Shapiro at Yale
Tallied up all of the votes
And released his new list
Of the year’s favorite quotes.

At the top of the heap,
Because of a tie,
There’s a lady newsmaker
As well as a guy.

First, Tony Hayward,
The chief at BP
For wishing his life back
As his oil stained the sea.

And sharing the lead
At the top of the niche
Is Christine O’Donnell,
Who denied that she's a witch.

Of the folks who made news,
Among women and men,
Christine and Tony
Lead Yale Law School's top ten.




©  2010  Jim Gordon

Actor Begins Prison Sentence

Wesley Snipes reported to a federal prison in Lewis Run, Pennsylvania, to begin serving a three-year sentence. Snipes had appealed for a new trial on charges of failing to file income tax returns for about ten years.



Bar-less Bastile

The judge has ordered Wesley Snipes
To cool it, now, and rest his pipes.
He filed appeals to no avail
And now must do his gig in jail.
When you fool around with the IRS
You can find yourself in a bit of a mess.
But three years spent at Lewis Run
Can also be a bit of fun.
As opposed to others in the nation,
McKean could be a real vacation.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

ET – More Evident

Scientists report finding more and more possibility that life can exist on other planets. They add, however, that such life might be microscopically small. It may also, they say, be “closer to slime than to ET.




Who Art In The Heavens

Space researchers now are prone
To feel that earthlings aren’t alone;
They warn, however, that ET
May be smaller than a flea.
As we search for life, and hope,
We may need a microscope.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Feds: Beware of Barbie

The FBI is keeping an eye on the new Video Barbie. The doll wears a necklace that contains a hidden camera. Officials fear it could be used by those who produce child pornography. No word of such activity, so far.



Party Doll

A camera sported by Barbie
Is a reason for some alarm;
The FBI' being watchful,
And fearful it may do harm.

The feds are keeping an eye out
And feel they really should a warn
That the toy may become instrumental
For people involved in porn.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

PETA Peeved At Palin

Sarah Palin has upset some animal rights folks by bagging a Caribou on camera. Palin's hunting adventure was filmed for her TV show carried on The Learning Channel.



                  All In The Game

The people concerned with animal rights
Are rather upset with Palin and crew;
The lady took aim, the beast in her sights,
And bagged for herself her fist caribou.

PETA, meantime, thinks it's all quite absurd
And some even say it's simply a shame.
The hunter, meantime, to help harvest the herd,
Lies there in wait and takes careful aim.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Election Dispute Results In Two Presidents

Both candidates in Ivory Coast’s presidential election are claiming victory. The two men took their oaths of office as the nation’s political crisis continues.



Dueling To Rule

Citizens of the Ivory Coast
Now have a strange political boast.
The nation’s feuding residents
Lay claim to a pair of presidents.
But to end civil war and silent each gun,
Perhaps two heads are better than one.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Snowman Frosts Neighbors

A Hayden, Idaho, man agreed to knock down his snowman after Sheriff’s deputies warned he could be charged with creating a public nuisance. Neighbors complained about the snowman, which resembled a Klansman holding a rope tied in a noose.



          S’no Way To Act

A snowman resembling the Klan
Brought grief for an Idaho man;
The law said the noose
Constituted abuse
And wasn’t a very good plan.

Seems each resident of the fair town
Looked on the deed with a frown.
None of his neighbors
Cared much for his labors;
So his snowman came tumble-ing down.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Poll Shows Gays Not Bad For Military

Leaders at the Pentagon say gays serving openly in the military would not harm the armed forces’ ability to fight. Debate continues on Capitol Hill over the “don’t ask, don’t tell” ban.



Gay Crashing

There appears to be reason to say,
And some polls suggest it’s okay,
For a man to wage war
Through the blood and the gore,
Even if he’s found to be fay.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Worst Album Debut For American Idol

Lee DeWyze has suffered the worst debut of an album of all American Idol winners. Meantime, fans await the first offering of Idol runner-up Crystal Bowersox.



Fallen Idol?

American Idol DeWyze
Had some time to savor his prize
But no matter how gallant,
If one's lacking talent,
Their shot at the big time just dies.

Lee's album made its debut
But people who bought it were few;
And if folks aren't in tune
When one starts to croon,
The new star may soon fade from view.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

President Wants A Freeze On Federal Paychecks

President Obama wants congress to approve a freeze on the wages of federal civilian employees. The move is designed to save more than $5 billion dollars over the first two years. The president will meet with lawmakers who also want a freeze on government hiring.



                   Pay Raise Malaise

Government workers are feeling the squeeze
As the president calls for their wages to freeze.
We have, says Obama, a long way to go
In the task of making the economy grow.
It's going to take more than a rich Uncle Sam
To get us all out of this tough fiscal jam.
Some folks who find his actions inspiring
Would also cut back on government hiring.


©  2010 Jim Gordon

Safer As A Spectator

President Obama and family enjoyed a Saturday of College basketball, watching the University of Howard host Oregon. The previous day, the president needed several stitches in his mouth following a basketball game with friends and family at Fort McNair in Washington.




                         Foul Shot

Mr. Obama, in the mood for some sport,
Called for a game on the basketball court.
In the midst of the fun came one of those glitches
That, when all’s said and done, had Obama in stitches.

The following day, still feeling empowered,
The Prez and his folks watched the cagers of Howard.
The Beavers and Bisons, both quite top-notch,
Made it safer for him to sit and just watch.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Shoppers Up Before The Sun

People bent on picking up bargains got an early start on their Christmas shopping. Stores opened to greet them in the wee small hours of the morning.



         Get In, er…On Line

That day is here when lots of folks
Begin their Christmas shopping;
With heads unbowed amidst the crowd
They spend the day out hopping.

Though now that cyber space is here,
Some have a bit more leeway.
Those who deplore the crowded store,
Can buy their gifts on ebay.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Sarah Slams Couric

Sarah Palin told Fox News that she plans to stay away from interviewers like Katie Couric. Palin told Sean Hannity that Couric is biased. She added that she wants to “help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism.”



  Hate That Kate

Sarah’s quite fed up
With anchor Katie Couric.
The time she spent with her
Was less than meteoric.

She simply doesn’t like
The way that Katie acts;
And how she thinks that Sarah
Should actually know facts.

Sarah says she’ll never
Give Katie her two cents
If Couric keeps insisting
Sara keep up with events.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Pennsylvania’s Lawmakers And Judge Get Raises In Pay

Thanks to a 1995 law, the governor, legislators, and judges in Pennsylvania will receive a nearly 2 percent hike in pay. The raises are based on changes in the national Consumer Price Index.



     Political Perk$

Each elected politician
And each Pennsylvania judge
Will soon make much more money
That some citizens begrudge.

They got to give themselves
That gift that keeps on giving;
More income aimed at fighting
That pesky cost of living.

What about their voters?
How will those folks fare?
There appears no indication
That the legislators care.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Woman Suing Sheen

A woman says she plans to file a criminal complaint against Charlie Sheen. Capri Anderson accuses the actor of battery and false imprisonment. The charges stem from an incident, last month, in a New York City hotel.


           Dinner For Two

Ms. Anderson is going to court;
She’s mad at Mr. Sheen.
She says he threw a lamp at her
And was really very mean.

The actor’s lawyer sees it all
As something of a game;
Accusations simply charged
To cash in on his fame.



© 2010 Jim Gordon

Flyers Fed Up With Pat Downs

Much of the flying public feels the Transportation Security Administration has crossed the line in its passenger searches. A campaign is underway urging people to refuse to be searched on the eve of Thanksgiving, one of the year’s busiest travel days.



    How Are You Feeling?

I know you’re out to save me,
Oh, ye of the TSA;
And I know you’re on the scene now
To make terror go away.

But as I stand before you
I’m always kind of hoping
That as you do your duty,
You’re careful where you’re groping.

I know what I can carry
I know what’s being banned;
So won’t you please be gentle
When giving me your hand?

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama: Arms Treaty Must Be Ratified

President Obama is calling on congress to ratify the U.S.-Russia arms treaty before the lawmakers call it quits for the year. The President says it’s not a question of politics but, rather, a matter of national security.




                 Arms Alert

Says Obama, it wouldn’t be smart
For this session of congress to part
Without a new pact
To keep peace intact
By assuring no stop, now, to START.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Nancy Pelosi To Keep Leading Democrats

Democrats in the House have voted to keep Nancy Pelosi as their leader. She'll become minority leader in January, when the majority will switch to the Republicans. Pelosi blames her party's losses on continued high unemployment.



                Staying On

The Democrats will keep Pelosi
As their leader in the house;
They don't blame her for their losses
And they see no need to grouse.

Nancy says she's not to blame.
She sees voters as annoyed,
Not by anything she's done,
But because they're unemployed.

 
©  2010 Jim Gordon

Lawmakers Want Vote On Earmarks

Senators plan to force a vote on banning earmarks, the practice of allocating federal money for home-state projects.



Roll Out The Barrel

Politicos like to keep
Constituents grateful
By getting their people
Perks by the plateful.
But many seem ready
To put down the fork
And save the taxpayer
From funding the pork.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Scientists: Time To Head For Mars

Two scientists say humans should begin setting up housekeeping on another planet. They feel Mars is just the spot. Writing in the “Journal of Cosmology", they Pointout that Mars is just six-months away and contend the trip would be faster, and less expensive, if it were one-way.




Blasting Off

Forget the moon
Forget the stars;
The time has come
To aim for mars.

Two scientists
Say let ‘er rip,
It needn’t be
A two-way trip.

So earthlings, now,
Should start to pack
And shouldn’t plan
On coming back.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

President and Congress Face Showdown

With mixed results from his Asian tour, President Obama is facing a challenge from Capital Hill. Among them: a showdown over tax cuts and negotiations with Republicans.



Arguing Left And Right

The president has come back home
To meet the GOP;
He says he wants a compromise -
A way to all agree.

Republicans and Democrats
All rev up their motors.
We can but hope those voted in
Won’t forget the voters.

 
©  2010  JIm Gordon 

Accused thief has wrong “Alibi”

It didn’t take police in Lewiston, Idaho, long to catch up with a suspected burglar. Officials say they arrested Donald Mosely right next door, at the Alibi bar.



On Tap

The alleged robber didn’t get far;
Just next door to the Alibi Bar;
The search was quite brief;
He gave them no grief;
Police see it as rather bizarre.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Man smokes joint to welcome new baby.

A Pennsylvania man is charged with possessing marijuana for smoking a joint to celebrate the birth of his child. The unidentified man is quoted as saying he wanted to get a buzz.



         But Did He Inhale?

Some new dads might hit the bar,
Or shout out loud “have a cigar!”
But our new papa saw no point
In lighting anything but a joint.

He may be thinking now, just maybe
It was no way to welcome baby.
He simply wanted to “get a buzz,”
But somebody noticed and called the fuzz.

What he did was rather provoking
Even though some others were smoking.
Those others, though, don’t share his lot
Because they didn’t share his pot.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Drug Seeker Calls Cops

A New York man looking for a drug peddler got a crime stopper instead. An Erie County detective sent undercover officers who used the man to help bust a nearby drug buy.



Sorry, Wrong Number

The man on the phone
was looking to score
but it seems he misdialed
and got the wrong "store."

Instead of a pusher,
this unfortunate shopper
found he was talking
to a county Crime Stopper.

Instead of those drugs
the man met a cop
who enlisted his help
to bust a drug drop.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Clinic Changing Lindsay' Life

Dina Lohan says the Betty Ford Clinic is helping solve her daughter's problems. She describes Lindsay as "a different person.



        Un-Hooked

Lindsay's stay at Betty Ford
Has mama pleased as punch.
Lindsay's health will be restored
When she stops drinking lunch.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama Promises ‘mid-course’ Corrections

President Obama says he’ll make some mid-course corrections in an effort to work with his opponents and maintain the trust of the voter. The President’s comments came in the wake of GOP gains in midterm elections.



    Turbulence

The ship of state’s
A bit off course;
The result, it seems,
Is some remorse.

The President
Wants rapport restored;
So now its back
To the drawing board.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

GOP Shuns President’s Offer Of Compromise

Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell says he’s dedicated to see that President Obama is not re-elected in 2012. McConnell is also leading the charge to get rid of the president’s health care plan.



RSVP

With losses of an epic size
The president wants to compromise.
The GOP is hesitant
‘Cause it wants a diff’rent president.

Republicans have won more clout
And now they want Obama out.
It’s enough to make one feel rejection
As one ponders re-election.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Mr. & Mr. Quaid Want Asylum

Actor Randy Quaid and his wife are asking Canada for asylum. They fear a group know as Star Wackers is out to kill them. Meantime, they face possible extradition to face charges in California.




Outta Sight

Declares Randy Quaid,
Be very afraid,
The whackers are out in full force.

In Canada’s court
He’s seeking support
And asylum, as well, in due course.

Randy and Evi
Find their hearts heavy
‘Cause someone’s out killing the stars.

Whence come the attackers
Known as “Star Wackers”?
Are they from Earth or from Mars?

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Charlie Sheen Wants Out

Actor Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his wife, Brooke. The couple were married in 2008. The actor pleaded guilty to assault charges against his third wife in 2009.


       Putting Asunder

Mr. and Mrs. Charlie Sheen

Are breaking up quite quick and clean;
And Charlie's also told the court
That he wants out of spouse support.
Mrs. Sheen has voiced her bids:
She wants support and both the kids.
The pair has now declared a halt
In wake of charges of assault.
As they lead their separate lives,
Who get custody of the knives?


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Scientists: Alcohol Worse Than Drugs

British scientists have concluded that alcohol is much worse of us than narcotics. Among the safer choices, according to researchers, are heroin, cocaine, and tobacco.


            Beware The Spirits

It seems the best thing you can choose
Is heroin or crack cocaine;
'Cause scientists have found that booze
Can rot your liver and your brain.

And Ecstacy is milder yet,
Making life much less chaotic;
So now you know your better bet:
Trade your booze for a narcotic.

When compared to alcohol,
Tobacco, too, is much less risky.
What may cause your final fall
Is drinking all that demon whiskey.

So if you tend to be a boozer,
It would seem that it's no joke:
Stop living life as such a loser;
Put down your scotch and have some coke.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

"Gay Joke" To Stay In Ron Howard's Movie

Director Ron Howard says he's won't edit his new film, "Dilemma," despite controversy over a character's line. A gay activist group is unhappy over a scene in which the character refers to electric cars as "gay."



Word War

Ron Howard feels,
Whatever you say,
He's not about
To remove the word "gay."

Ron says it's in fun;
It's not done with hate.
And, really, who'd laugh
If you called the cars "straight."

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Gubernatorial Candidate Hits A Snag

Rhode Island voters have expressed dismay over Frank Caprio’s “shove it” comment after failing to fain an endorsement from President Obama. The Democratic candidate is seen as losing ground to his independent opponent.



                Pulling Back

It appears Rhode Island’s candidate
Is in a bit of trouble;
His reaction to the President
May burst his political bubble.

Since Obama withheld endorsement
And Frank said he can shove it,
The candidate is losing ground
And can’t seem to rise above it.

In an era when most candidates
Are at each other’s throats,
Rhode Island’s would-be Governor
May have lost a ton of votes.

Lashing out when one’s upset
Can be seen as less than wise.
Rhode Islanders say they may vote
For one of the other guys.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

United Nations Bugged

Bedbugs have been found in furniture at the U.N. Officials have removed the furniture to be fumigated.




   Bugging Diplomats

The word out of Gotham
Is the bedbugs are spreading.
They’re no longer confined
To such things as bedding.

Especially trained dogs
Have found them again;
This time they’ve invaded
(Would you believe) the U.N.

The reddish brown critter
Can make some folks swoon;
And officials have promised
They won’t declare it immune.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

TV Chef Pleads To Charges

Juan-Carlos Cruz has pleaded no contest to charges he tried to hire someone to kill his wife. The plea agreement means the TV chef faces up to nine years in prison.




Defense-less

He’ll be out of the kitchen
But may still feel some heat;
The chef faces charges
He won’t try to beat.

So the plea that he’s given
Was the best he could choose.
The law wants some answers
From Chef Juan-Carlos Cruz.

He’s pleaded no contest
To trying to hire
Two men who’d be paid to
Make the chef’s wife expire.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Democratic Candidate tells CIC To “Shove It”

The Democratic candidate for governor or Rhode Island has expressed anger over President Obama’s refusal to endorse him. Earlier, the White House had announced Obama would endorse no one in the race.




          Support This

Frank Caprio’s a Democrat
Who doesn’t feel forsaken
By a presidential snub
That might leave others shaken.

Obama won’t endorse him,
So he’ll try to rise above it.
The candidate has simply said
The president can “shove it.”

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Gay Community Unhappy

Gay voters across the country are threatening to withhold support of Democrats on election day. Activists claim on-going discrimination in the workplace and the military.



             Unhappy Returns

The lesbian, transgender, and the gay
Look at Democrats with what’s been called dismay.
As election day approaches close at hand,
These folks are finding pickings rather bland.

Democrats against the GOP
And the Party that identifies with Tea,
Are counting on longstanding gay support
As the party works at holding down the fort.

But gay voters all throughout the nation
Say they still feel much discrimination.
Democrats, some feel, have missed the boat;
And so some folks just may withhold their vote.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Kolb To Quarterback

The Eagles will play Tennessee Sunday with Kevin Kolb as quarterback. Coach Andy Reid won’t discuss Kolb’s role for the remainder of the season.



        Just For Kicks

Kevin likes to quarterback
And that’s where he’s going to be
As the Eagles take the field
When they battle Tennessee.

Come November Seven, though,
Will he be the Eagles’ pick?
Or will he have to go sit down
And lose out to Michael Vick?

Kevin seems quite focused, now;
His mind's locked in on playing.
Has he proved his value yet?
Coach Andy isn’t saying.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Military Gay Ruling On Hold

A federal appeals court has halted, temporarily, an earlier order to accept gays in the military. Gay rights attorneys have been advised to file their challenges by next week.




             Straight Ahead

Gay rights lawyers have been told
The ban on gays is now on hold.
A federal court grants a delay
In allowing troops who claim their gay.
The fight goes on to say 'farewell'
To the policy "don't ask don't tell.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Students March For Money

Students by the thousands marched throughout Austria to demand the government spend more money on education.



                        Marking Time

Demanding more money for Austrian schools,
Students turned out in the masses.
It appeared that more kids showed up for the march
Then ever were seen going to classes.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Freed Miners Want To Be Paid

33 miners, trapped from a mine cave-in in Chile, say they've all agreed to say nothing about their ordeal until a financial deal is made.

       

              A Miner Occurrence

For sixty-nine days they lived underground;
Seventeen days before they were found.
The world's now attuned to all thirty-three.
They've a story to tell - but it won't be for free.
It's good to be out - it really is nice;
Further details will come for a price.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Voters Dissatisfied

According to a recent poll, many people who swept Democrats onto Capitol Hill are leaning the other way.



Making Change….Again?

Voters in Two Thousand Eight
Seemed concerned about their fate.
Many of them threw their hats
In the ring with Democrats.

Many who took Obama’s side
Are, midway through, dissatisfied;
Thus some supporters seem to be
Now leaning toward the GOP.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Elway And Partner Clipped

According to a report out of Denver, NFL Hall Of Famer John Elway and a partner were cheated out of millions via a so-called Ponzi scheme. The former quarterback is said to have invested $15 million with hedge-fund manager Sean Mueller.



              Hedge Clipping

Agreed, John Elway has a problem
But this may be a good sign.
Sixty Minutes may grab Mueller
Or maybe even Date Line.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

More On Lindsay’s Rehab

      Lindsay On The Lam

Lindsay may have gotten bored
While a guest of Betty Ford;
Seems she tried to remove the yoke
In her quest for a can of coke.

She and a friend seemed quite intense;
But failed to make it over the fence.
Instead of scoring with caffein,
The ladies are back to coming clean.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Political Commercials Getting Meaner

Political opponents appear to be getting meaner as they seek voters approval.



      Casting For Votes

As election day approaches
The ads are getting mean.
They seem so down and dirty
Instead of playing clean.

Don’t bother telling voters
Why you’re the one they need,
It’s seems much more effective
To stress your foe’s misdeed.

Just show how your opponent
Is useless through and through
And you might get the people
To cast their votes for you.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Favre Apologizes

Brett Favre says he’s sorry that a report involving him has caused some distraction as the team prepared to take on the Jets. The reports claim Favre had sent so-called racy messages from his email address.

         Brett’s Regrets

Brett Favre says he’s sorry;
He’s apologized no end
For messages deemed racy
That involved a former friend.

The NFL is looking
Into what some call bad taste:
A video including
Snap shots below the waist.

He had no further comment
After expressing his regrets;
He and his fellow Vikings
Prepared to meet the Jets.



©  2010  Jim Gordon

No Increase In Social Security Benefits

Retirees will be going another year without a cost of living increase in their Social Security benefits. The official announcement is expected on Friday, affecting more than 58 Million retirees.



               InSecurity

Since inflation hasn’t risen much,
Social Security’s made it clear;
There’ll be no hike in benefits
For at least another year.

Seniors all hustle to pay their bills
And might come up a bit less blank
If they manufactured cars
Or maybe owned a bank.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Diet Pill Off The Market

Officials at Abbott Laboratories are pulling Meridia off the market in the U.S. and Canada. The diet pill, on the market for more than 10 years, is said to cause an increased chance of heart attack for people with heart disease.



          Dying To Diet?

After ten years on the market,
A diet pill is done.
Abbott folks now indicate
It’s like a loaded gun.

Though it’s meant to make one thinner
It’s getting lots of flak.
While melting all that weight off,
One could have a heart attack.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

States lose track of sex offenders

Several states lost their GPS systems, this week, which interfered with their tracking of sex offenders. A power outage kept the system down from 9 a.m. until early evening.



                   All Systems Go

Several states faced somewhat of a mess
When an outage killed all GPS
Which keeps sex offenders
From going on benders
And attacking anyone in a dress.

Officials were certainly sweating
A day that was rather upsetting;
But the system’s re-juiced
And no one was seduced;
So officialdom’s no longer fretting.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Drug Officials Fight Abuse

The Drug Enforcement Administration collected more than 120 tons of medicine. Its one-day campaign prompted people to send in their unused prescription drugs. The campaign is part of the DEA’s fight against abuse of prescription drugs.



What The Doctor Ordered

The drug enforcement folks
Launched their special Take-Back Campaign
To relieve us of needless drugs
And pour them down the drain.

The DEA invites us
To be their special guests
And send in those nasty drugs
Inside our medicine chests.

Its job is fighting crime
While staying long and loose;
Its efforts are to wipe away
Prescription drug abuse.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Movie Director Going To Jail

A U. S. District Judge has sentenced movie director John McTiernan to one year in prison. The director of “Die Hard” and “The Thomas Crown Affair” had pleaded guilty to wiretapping charges. He also admitted making false statements to the FBI.



            Next Case

The director of “Die Hard”
And a few other flicks
Has found himself stuck
In an embarrassing fix.

He admitted his guilt
And feels rather alone;
He says he lied to the feds
And tapped a friend’s phone.

The judge in the case,
Surely not of good cheer,
Says the sentence should be
Much more than a year.

 
©  2010 Jim Gordon

Survey: Safe Sex Among U.S. Teens

The  Journal of Sexual Medicine says American teens practice safer sex than some of their elders.  According to the study, the use of condoms is much higher among teens surveyed.

   Playing It Safe


He-ing and she-ing
(The essence of being)
Can make mom and dad nervous wrecks.
Now, after surveying,
Researchers are saying
The kids practice much safer sex.

More than one hundred pages
Show folks ranging in ages
From fourteen to almost five score
Opt for protection
For every erection
And practice their sex more and more.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Marchers Rally At Washington Mall

A coalition group that calls itself “One Nation” held a weekend rally in Washington in support of Democrats in congress. The march was in response to Republicans who are hoping to make big gains on Capitol Hill on election day.



             Mall Call

Some left-leaning folks
Showed up as “One Nation”
At the National Mall
For a quick celebration.

Thousands were gathered
On the Capital site
In response to an earlier
Call from “the right.”

The pro-Democrats,
On the eve of election,
Were out to keep congress
From changing direction.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Newly Found Planet May Sustain Life

Astronomers say they’ve found a planet, outside earth’s galaxy, that may sustain life. It remains to be seen just what kind of life might survive, there. And, say the scientists, the newly detected orb is 20 light years from earth.



                              Blast Off

Stargazers have found what they call a new planet
And are wondering now if earthlings can man it.

Its orbit is slow and its rotation is light;
So half’s always daytime; the other half’s, night.

It’s out of our galaxy, twenty light years from us;
Getting humans to land there could cause quite a fuss.

That it’s larger than earth and it has lots of space
For future expansion of the whole human race.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Amtrak Plans High-Speed Service

Amtrak officials are planning for high-speed trains to travel between Boston and the nation’s capital. The plan is projected to take 30 years and more than $100 million for trains that will travel more than 200 mph.



    Tearing Up
    (and Down)
    The Tracks

Amtrak has a plan
For trains that go real fast;
Speeds that may, some feel,
Leave passengers aghast.

Take the morning train
Down the Northeast corridor
And get safely to your job
Sometime the night before.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Ryder Cup Fans Eye Woods And Mickelson

Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson won’t be playing as a team at the Ryder Cup. When asked about the possibility, Mickelson indicated there’s no chance of such a pairing. The two were soundly defeated in the 2004 challenge by Colin Montgomerie and Padraig Harrington of Europe.



       Up For The Cup

Will Tiger Woods and Lefty
Be paired as a team,
As the Ryder Cup challenge
Has fans all agleam?

Phil smiles at the prospect,
And responds with a grin,
That he doubts that will happen
Since we all want to win.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama: Longer School Year Needed

President Obama says students in the United States are falling behind their counterparts in other countries. One solution, he says, is to extend the time spent in school each year. Mr. Obama also suggests that under-performing teachers should be let go.



Class Dismissed

The president says we must take steps
To see our kids don’t end up fools.
One way, he says, is much more time
Be spent each year inside our schools.

An additional move to solve our woes,
The president succinctly stated,
Is that teachers found not up to par
Be weeded out and terminated.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Congress Asked To Battle Stink Bug

Congress members from five states, including Pennsylvania and Maryland, are calling on the federal government to approve strong pesticides to kill the stink bug. Lawmakers insist failure to act could cause a national crisis as the bug threatens crops throughout the nation.



Raising a Stink

Five of these United States
Have found themselves in dire straits;
They’re calling on ecology cops
To stop this “thing” that’s threatening crops.
The problem’s getting rather critical
And becoming more and more political;
Officials now feel deep frustration
And real concern to save the nation.
Congress hopes to soon provide
Someone with a pesticide,
Something like a potent spray
To make the stink bug go away.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Death By Texting On The Rise

According to a government report, thousands of drivers are dying on the nation’s highways while texting or using their cell phones. Officials are calling for tougher laws to help solve the problem.



Changing Channels

More and more drivers are going to their deaths
Using cell phones and texting as they draw their last breaths.
It may be confusing; you may feel perplexed
That it’s really quite legal to drive while you text.

And more and more people are still raising hell,
As they speed down the highway while using their cell.
How, you may ask, are such actions regarded?
Are all of these people immature and retarded?

Both of these practices are really distracting;
And I hope you don’t think that I’m over-reacting;
But till against this behavior there comes a decree,
I’ll just keep on driving while watching TV.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Eagles: Vick Will Start At QB

Andy Reid has done an about face and now says Michael Vick will be the Eagles’ Quarterback. Reid had announced previously that he’d go with Kevin Kolb.



On Second Thought

After looking Kevin in the eye
And telling him that he’s the guy,
Andy chose to get his kicks
By telling folks the job is Vick’s.

Despite the size of Mr. Reid,
He changed his mind with lightning speed.
He may be out to please The Brass,
But it seems he lacks a bit of class.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

More jail time for Lindsay Lohan?

A judge in Beverly Hills has issued a warrant for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan. The action came after the actress admitted that she failed a drug test. Ms. Lohan may face jail if found to have violated her probation.


Another 30 Daze?

Ms. Lohan flunked another test
And now she faces re-arrest,
A warrant issued by Judge Fox
May mean a trip to drug detox;
Or maybe it’s just a bit of booze,
Which she seems to now and then abuse.
She says she wants to stop these tricks,
But now and then just needs a fix.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Kentucky defendant pleads caffeine insanity in death of wife

NEWPORT, Ky. – Woody Smith’s attorney says the man will claim an overdose of caffeine is to blame in the strangling death of Smith’s wife Amanda. Smith has said he remembers nothing of the incident.



Coffee Nerves

Woody blames the diet pills
And all those diet drinks.
It seems he lost his thinking skills
Nor could he catch forty winks.

The stuff, he says, messed up his brain;
Made him quite a klutz;
Suggesting he might be insane,
Woody says it made him nuts.

Facing going to jail for life,
He insists he’s not so mean;
It wasn’t he who killed his wife;
It was that demon drug caffeine.

Senate Candidate O’Donnell Twiddled With Witchcraft

Christine O’Donnell says she attended a satanic altar with a witch. The Delaware Republican, backed by the Tea Party, made her comments on a television show about 10 years ago. O’Donnell is also being accused of using campaign funds for her personal expenses.



Crafting A Campaign

Christine is feeling rather hale and hearty
Running for office with the new Tea Party.
Now, out of the blue, there comes a glitch:
A report that Chris said she dated a witch.
She hopes as a candidate she won’t falter
In light of her trip to a Satanic altar.
On top of all that, she’s being accused
(And those pointing the finger are less than amused)
Of creating what amounts to a fiscal perk
Because, as it happens, she’s out of work.
A citizen’s group which is known as CREW
Is asking the state to see it it’s true
That she’s running for office with nary a cent
To use contributions to pay her rent.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Team fires six-year old cheerleader

Kennedy Tesch has been removed from the team after her parents complained one of the cheers was risqué. The team met to consider the complaint and voted to remove the youngster from the team. The parents will get a refund for the price of the uniform.



A Rah-tin Break

Young Kennedy’s folks thought the cheer was rique
Something they’d rather their daughter not say.
When the team met to consider a “yea” or a “nay”
They decided it best the young lady not stay.
The others, it seems, will get ready to play;
They’ve told the young hopeful to just go away.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

The French Outlaw The Muslim Veil?

The Senate in France has approved a bill that would make the Islamic Veil illegal. If approved by the Constitutional Council, the measure would ban the use of face-covering veils on streets and other public places.



Let’s Face It

The Senate in France
Is out to derail,
If it’s given the chance,
The burga-style veil.

Some feel the new rule
Is not to debase.
They just think it’s cool
To see everyone’s face.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Dutch police arrest a drunk US pilot

Police in Amsterdam say they pulled an American pilot from his planned flight because he was drunk. They say his blood alcohol content was recorded at just above legal limits. The man was fined and released.



Grounded

It seems that the Dutch
Don’t think very much
Of pilots who get themselves drunk.
So they made an arrest
Gave one a blood test,
Which, you guessed it, he happened to flunk.

Since they found he was tight,
They canceled his flight
And levied a rather stiff fine.
They say he won’t fly out,
And hope he might dry out,
For the sake of your safety and mine.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

New superbugs immune to drugs

Health officials say bacteria resistant to all known antibiotics have infected people in three states and are showing up around the world. The U.S. cases have been found in California, Massachusetts and Illinois.



What's Bugging You?

Health officials say we must beware
Because we have another fitness scare.
It seems we have so big a bug,
We're quite hard pressed to find a drug
To fight a threat that so exotic,
It has no fear of antibiotic.
How vital it is that each understands
How important it is to wash our hands.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Minister Cancels Plans To Burn Quran

Florida preacher Terry Jones says he won't burn the Quran even if a mosque is built near the remains of the Twin Towers. Jones had caused a bit of an uproar from Washington to Kabul over his threat to torch the Islamic Good Book.



Priorities

The preacher has told New York's Imam
That he won't start the blaze that upset Islam.
Washington's glad to hear from the pastor
His changes in plans, averting disaster.
Obama was anxious to save the Quran
While three U.S. priz'ners remain in Iran.

 
 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Handcuffed suspect stole police car

A burglary suspect in Seattle is back in custody after stealing a patrol car. According to police, the suspect had been handcuffed in the back seat. The arresting officer had walked away for a minute.


Distressing Arrest

Police say a thief
Gave them some grief
When he chose to skedaddle
From downtown Seattle.

But his plans were derailed
And he was once again jailed
After cops got their man
Not long after he ran.

Though he didn't drive far
In the stolen cop car,
It was still quite a feat,
While cuffed in the back seat.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama opposes extending tax breaks

The president says the nation cannot afford to foot the bill for a tax break for the wealthy. He told an audience in Ohio that such a move helped put the country in its current fiscal difficulties.



A Taxing Challenge

The president feels it's time
To raise taxes on the rich;
But help for the rest of us
Was also in his pitch.

He criticized opponents
And said, in his address,
Fewer taxes for the wealthy
Is what got us in "this mess."

The administration's striving,
In the face of disapproval,
To goose our fiscal fortunes
And stem a feared removal.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Democrats scramble to save House

A dull economy, discontented voters, and an erosion in the president’s popularity is making it scary for Democrats up for re-election this year. National polls show voters as split or leaning toward the GOP.


Strive To Survive

The president’s hoping to turn things around
By helping his party somehow to rebound
From what seems to be taking political toll
Threatening its chances to maintain control.

With voters upset, the economy dull,
Obama’s repute’s in a bit of a lull.
There’s a chance it could mean a liberal demise
And a return of command to the conservative guys.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama announces a job-creating plan

The president has announced a plan to create new jobs, which includes rebuilding roads and rails. The program would cost an estimated $50 Billion.  As his fellow democrats prepare to vie for reelection in November, the Republicans have told the administration it can expect no help from their side of the aisle.


FDR Revisited?

Obama has a plan to make some jobs
A year, or there abouts, on down the road.
He’s stepping up the war on unemployment
As he sees his popularity erode.

His plan includes rebuilding many roads
And improving things on runways and the rails.
The price, he says, is fifty-billion dollars;
And voters all await to hear details.

Meantime, his party’s planning for November
With hopes that all will then be re-elected.
The GOP, meantime, has made it clear
Its assistance should, in no way, be expected.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Parades and picnics kick off labor day weekend

People across the country enjoyed the final weekend of the summer with the traditional Labor Day parades, picnics, and cookouts.



Get A Job

Labor Day was first set up
To honor working folks.
It’s been a day to celebrate
And the source of many jokes.

The celebrations all began
In Eighteen Ninety-Four;
Long before we all downsized
And many shown the door.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

God was not needed for creation, says Britain’s Steven Hawking

According to physicist Stephen Hawking, the universe and all that in it could have happened without a divine creator. “The Grand Design,” a book which Hawking co-authored, suggests the solar system could have come from chaos through nature.



How’d It All Begin?

Stephen Hawking says creation
Doesn’t prove that God exists.
Facing some folks’ indignation,
Life, he says, needs no assists.

Was it chaos or design?
Remains to be seen, says author Steve,
It might not be a work divine
That all began with Adam and Eve.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

School boss nixes “gay”

An elementary school principal in Sydney, Australia told students decided to remove the word “gay” from an old campfire song when sung by his students. After some unexpected reaction, however, he’s reinstated the word. He notes, however, the kids will likely be singing the song less often.


Frantic Semantic

The word was causing giggles;
And here and there a snicker
But the principal’s decision
Has prompted some to bicker.

It once meant, simply, “happy,”
That one was full of cheer.
But now its other meaning
Makes some feel rather queer.

So the principal decided
To use “fun” instead of “gay” –
But after all the uproar,
The latter gets to stay.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Residents angry over planned marijuana farm

Angry neighbors in Longmont, Colorado, plan to fight the idea of pot in their midst. An investor has won the right to grow medical marijuana, despite objections of residents. Colorado is one of 14 states that allows the cultivation of pot for medical purposes.



Going To Pot?

It may not be Nirvana
But folks say marijuana
Is something they would rather do without.

Neighbors, quite upset,
See it as a threat,
So, in opposition, plan to go all out.

They feel it will disrupt,
And otherwise corrupt
The comfort of their calm and cozy site.

To save their rural spot
From any kind of pot,
The neighbors plan to give it one last fight.

 
© 2010  Jim Gordon

Roger Clemens To Stand Trial

Roger Clemens says he's not guilty and will defend himself against charges of perjury and obstructing congress. He says he told the truth when he denied taking steroids. His trial is set for April.



Taking A Stand

Roger says he told the truth;
Never was he so uncouth
That he'd behave like a common thug
And take a deed-enhancing drug.

He plans to take it all in stride
When he goes to court where he'll collide
With prosecutors set to assail
And send the defendant off to jail.

Roger calls the charges "lame"
And doesn't plan to take the blame.
He says he'll fight until he's free
And passed on a chance to cop a plea.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Kangaroo testicles a big hit – again

Chefs in Ozrem, Serbia, were on hand for the seventh annual World Testicle Cooking Championship. They prepared dishes made from bull, boar, camel, ostrich and kangaroo testicles. The specialty is believed to be rich in testosterone.



Ya Want Fries With That?

In a Serbian mountain village
It was time to once again vie
For the annual testicle champion
With lots of folks standing by.

From the bull, the boar or the camel,
The ostrich and kangaroo,
The chefs were busily cooking;
With contestants all ready to chew.

‘Twas the seventh annual contest
And no one planned to decline
Since they all had their favorite beer
Not to mention bottles of wine.

Served as goulash or pizza,
With variety served at each stall,
Folks got to choose all their favorites
With everyone having a ball.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Rally Compared With Martin Luther King

The Restoring Honor rally planned for Saturday in Washington is attracting reaction from civil rights groups. Glen Beck will speak to folks identified with the Tea Party at the Lincoln Memorial. That the day and place where Martin Luther King gave his famous “Dream” speech 47 years ago.



Rally Round

Glen says it’s all about honor;
The rally’s not meant to berate;
It’s not about folks being racists,
And nobody there will preach hate.

Among civil rights folks are some skeptics
Who question the Tea Party’s venue;
And wonder just what kind of speeches
Will be on the Tea Party’s menu.

They think of the “I Have a Dream” speech
And question what Glen Beck might bring.
Glen hopes that folks won't compare, though;
‘Cause, he says, he’s no Martin L. King.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Bullet removed from man’s head – 5 years later

Doctors say Robert Chojecki should be ok now. They’ve removed a bullet his head after he complained of headaches. Chojecki told reporters he thought he’d been hit by fireworks at a New Years Eve party when he was accidentally shot.


Shooting Ahead

When Robert’s head began to ache,
He called on his physician.
He hoped that he would soon find out
The cause of his condition.

Then the doctor quickly found the cause;
The reason for Bob’s pain:
A bullet from a twenty-two,
Not far from Bobby’s brain.

It all began five years ago,
At a party less than dull,
Someone rang the New Year in
With a slug in Robert’s skull.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Bedbugs attack U.S. Cities

New York, Philadelphia, and Detroit have been named as the leading sites for bedbugs. According to a report from Terminix, the three lead the list of the 15 most bedbug-infested cities.



Night Bites

Fifteen U. S. cities
Have made a special list
That, no doubt, they're all wishing
Did not, in fact, exist.

Atop the gruesome listing
Are Detroit, New York, and Philly.
They likely don't feel honored;
In fact, they may feel silly.

And exterminator comp'ny,
After all cities had been tested,
Announced that these fair venues
Are the most bedbug-infested.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

FDA: More eggs may be contaminated

The Food and Drug Administration warns there may be more eggs recalled because of possible salmonella. Commissioner Margaret Hamburg says it may be the largest such recall in recent history. Officials say the recalls came from two Iowa egg farms.



Egg Hunt

The FDA is on the prowl
To see what makes those eggs so foul.
It's out there working like the dickens
To see what's up with all those chickens.
Those in charge are quite appalled
To see so many eggs recalled.
Officials say it's undisputed:
Five Hundred Million eggs polluted.
Meantime, I sit and contemplate:
Were my morning eggs from the Hawkeye State?


©  2010  Jim Gordon

O’Reilly Finds Photos Offensive

It appears that Bill O’Reilly was a bit disgusted at the photos of Justin Bieber and Kim Kardasian. The photos, in the September issue of Elle Magazine, were inspired by “The Graduate,” starring Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman.



Factored Out

O’Reilly seems a bit uptight
Over Justin and Ms. Kim;
He seems to feel it isn’t right;
It seems it’s rattled him.

We see that Bill is not a fan
Of Kim or even Justin;
In fact, it’s rather clear our man
Finds the whole thing quite disgustin’.

‘Twould appear it’s made Bill quite confused;
That it’s filled his day with strife;
Our man is surely not amused
And needs to get a life.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

More Americans believe President a Muslim

Nearly one in five Americans, or 18 percent, believe President Obama is a Muslim. The percentage of citizens who believe he’s a Christian has fallen to 34 percent. The survey, by the nonpartisan Pew Research Center, shows 43 percent say they don’t know the president’s religion.


Presidential Persuasion

His daddy hailed from Kenya,
His mom was Kansas born;
But on where Obama came from,
Americans seem torn.

Now, there’s more confusion
To which deity he prays;
There’s simply no conclusion;
Everyone seems in a daze.

Is he Christian or Islamic?
Does he believe in heaven?
And though it’s getting rather comic,
Where was he on nine-eleven.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Dr. Laura calls it quits

Talk show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger will quite her radio show at the end of the year. Her decision comes after she used the N-word several times while speaking to a black call-in listener. The doctor says she’s decided not to do radio anymore and wants to regain her First Amendment rights.


Signing Off

Doctor Laura’s had enough
Her radio show’s been getting rough.
Listeners recently threw a fit,
Or otherwise got in a snit,
When Laura took a call and then
Uttered a word that starts with “N.”
Just trying to make a point, says she;
But others seem to disagree.
She admits she came on rather strong
And adds that what she did was wrong.
So come the end of the current year,
Doctor L will disappear.
She wants her fans to be aware
She’ll keep on working off the air.
Laura wants no further fights;
Just her First Amendment rights.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Lesbian student sues over yearbook photo

The Mississippi Copiah County School District refused to print her picture or her name after she insisted on being photographed in a tuxedo. "I guess in the back of my mind I knew that was going to happen, Sturgis said,but I did have a little hope. I cried. I put my head down and put my hand over my face."


Photo Phinish

Ms. Sturgis was determined
To dress just like a man
In the picture for her year book
And decided that she can.

But though she was insistent
And felt the fight fair game,
Her school left out her photo
And refused to print her name.

The ACLU insists, now,
She be treated like a guy;
But the schools hard-nose decision
Was enough to make her cry.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Ex-Flight Attendant Offered Reality TV

Former flight attendant Steven Slater has been offered a reality television program. It would feature people quitting their jobs in various ways. However, questions have been raised suggesting Slater’s story may be a hoax.



Get Real

Since Steve rebuked a passenger,
Nay, told him where to go,
Some TV moguls seem impressed;
They’ve offered him a show.

A hero is how some see Steve,
Some folks are even awed;
But the entire deal may go away
If he’s found to be a fraud.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obamas enjoy the beach

President Obama treated his family to a weekend on the Gulf of Mexico.
He, the first lady, and daughter Sasha basked in the sun and even caught sight of porpoises while boating near Panama City Beach, Florida. The president took time to let residents know the federal government is still working on the problem caused by BP’s exploding oil rig.


Weekend By The Sea

The Obamas all went boating
And found the Gulf stream clean.
They spent some time a-floating
And enjoyed the Gulf coast scene.

Mom and Dad and daughter
Basked on the sandy beach,
And later swam in  water
The oil leak failed to reach.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Iraq Commander: U.S Troops Must Stay Another Decade

Iraqi General Babaker Shawkat Zebari says problems will start for his country if the U.S. pulls its troops out at the end of next year, as planned. Zebari says his army won’t be ready to take over until 2020.


Yankee (don’t) Go Home

Says Iraq’s Commander Zebari,
Although it might sound quite bizarre, he
Needs U.S, GIs to hang tough there
While things are so terribly rough there.

He insists that things are so tense,
For the U.S. to leave makes no sense.
Another ten years would ensure
That his country would be more secure.

More civilians are dying each day,
So Zebari would like us to stay.
He wants us to simply take root
Till his soldiers are taught how to shoot.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon