News Doesn't Need To Rhyme Every Single Time

In covering current events, sometimes one is prompted to go for some laughs instead of rhyming lines.


In Washington, DC, a Superior Court judge says the city’s allowed to keep installing it’s new smart meter system in its taxi cabs. But an administrative law judge will soon rule on whether it’s better to just teach the drivers how to make change.


Authorities in Pensacola, Florida found human brains, hearts, and lungs stored in Tupperware containers. They were inside a storage unit once owned by an employee of the medical examiner’s office. The authorities are trying to find out how successful her home parties were.


83-year old Ron Akana just set a world record as the oldest flight attendant to retire from United Airlines. He was with the airline for 63 years. He says he’d planned to retire at 65 but had to wait until his plane got clearance to leave the tarmac.


Illinois Governor Quinn has rejected a bill to expand gambling that would have made way for a land-based casino in Chicago. He had no comment on whether the facility would have included a Chick-fil-A restaurant, complete with a wedding chapel.


Special Education teacher Theresa Kersting, in Winona, Minnesota, has resigned after pleading guilty to slapping a student and sentenced to one year probation. She’d been accused of slapping a 19-year old male student after he grabbed her glasses and threw them on the floor. It’s believed Kersting didn’t mean to slap his face but without her glasses she couldn’t see well enough to kick him in the balls.


Nevada health officials warn it’s likely that mosquitoes infected with the West Nile Virus are present throughout Las Vegas. They’re warning people with symptoms including fever, headache, tiredness, and body aches, to check with their doctors…or at the very least change their seats at the black jack table.


©  2012  Jim Gordon