Various members of the news media released a transcript of the news conference Tiger Woods held before opening day at the Masters. News In Rhyme is pleased to present its version - with some minimal poetic license.
The Transcript
Craig Heatley: Any comments for us on your first practice day?
Tiger: Yeah. That great reception blew me away.
Question: How badly were you hurt? You never told us before.
Tiger: Well, I cut my lip and my neck was sore.
Question: Why didn't you talk to the cops during your journeys?
Tiger: I took the advice of my (pricey) attorneys.
Question: What's the toughest you've had to get passed?
Tiger: My core beliefs and my family harassed.
Question: As you prepared for your return, what did you anticipate?
Tiger: I thought of playing for my fans, and that made me feel great.
Question: Will engaging more with fans effect your score at all?
Tiger: When the game begins in earnest, I'll focus on the ball.
Question: What about the prescription drugs you keep?
Tiger: They're prescribed for me to help me sleep.
Question: What was all your rehab for?
Tiger: That's really personal - but I'll have more.
Question: How'd you rationalize what you now see as bad?
Tiger: That was part of the problem I had.
Question: What changed your mind to play this year?
Tiger: Practice made me want to get back in gear.
Question: How's your pursuit of Nicklaus affected by your strife?
Tiger: It's not about championships - but how you live your life.
Question: What do you want your sponsors to know?
Tiger: That I'll do my best to help them grow.
Question: What do you expect of the tournament you're in?
Tiger: I'm going on the course and I'll play to win.
Question: Are you concerned about your game on the green?
Tiger: How my layoff hurt me remains to be seen.
Question: Will you play in the Ryder Cup, or don't you know?
Tiger: I'm not on a team yet, so there's a long way to go.
Question: Do you want to play or take a bye?
Tiger: I'd like to play - if I qualify.
Question: When you start to play, what'll be on you mind?
Tiger: Having fun; it's what I hope to find.
Question: Do you feel the pressure will affect your hopes?
Tiger: Not really. Onlookers stay outside the ropes.
Craig: No more questions. I'm afraid that's that.
Tiger: Thanks, Craig...and guys...for this time to chat.
© Copyright 2010 Jim Gordon
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Obama May Face Two Battles
Supreme Court Justice Paul Stevens may be giving the President a double whammy. Obama's attention may soon be split between replacing the retiring Stevens and helping Democrats maintain control in Congress.
Maintaining Status Quo
A fight to replace Paul Stevens
On the country's highest court
Could very well cause problems
And make Democrats fall short.
As he tries to keep a balance
Between the left and right
The prez could be distracted
From a huge legislative fight.
Because outside the court room,
Come November on Capitol Hill,
The GOP could take control;
Giving the left a bitter pill.
Republicans are working hard
To give Democrats the axe.
And that has left the president
With two big balancing acts.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Maintaining Status Quo
A fight to replace Paul Stevens
On the country's highest court
Could very well cause problems
And make Democrats fall short.
As he tries to keep a balance
Between the left and right
The prez could be distracted
From a huge legislative fight.
Because outside the court room,
Come November on Capitol Hill,
The GOP could take control;
Giving the left a bitter pill.
Republicans are working hard
To give Democrats the axe.
And that has left the president
With two big balancing acts.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Jon Gosselin To Sue For Custody
Jon Gosselin will ask the court to re-open the divorce settlement between him and his ex-wife. Gosselin will ask for physical custody of the couple's children and a reworking of the support payments.
Step This Way
Jon Gosselin wants the judge
To give him all the kids.
Says Kate's out on the dance floor,
And as a mom, is on the skids.
Says Jon, the children's care
Is conducted by three nannies;
He wants to take control, now,
Of all the nooks and crannies.
The way things now are going,
Says Jon, is really sad.
With mommy turning dancer,
The kids now need their dad.
About the support he's paying,
Jon feels just a little sour.
And calls Twenty Grand excessive,
Given Katie's earning power.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Step This Way
Jon Gosselin wants the judge
To give him all the kids.
Says Kate's out on the dance floor,
And as a mom, is on the skids.
Says Jon, the children's care
Is conducted by three nannies;
He wants to take control, now,
Of all the nooks and crannies.
The way things now are going,
Says Jon, is really sad.
With mommy turning dancer,
The kids now need their dad.
About the support he's paying,
Jon feels just a little sour.
And calls Twenty Grand excessive,
Given Katie's earning power.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Tiger Woods Accepts All Blame
At his news conference in Augusta, Tiger Woods accepted what he called full responsibility for his fall from grace. He also promised the packed news conference that he’ll show more respect for the game and tone down his language and outbursts on the golf course.
Master-ing The Game
Tiger told all those on hand
How he cheated and deceived.
But said he’s back to play some golf
And hopes he’s well received.
The champ is turning somewhat macho
With a goatee and mustache;
And his fans all hope his comeback works
And that he doesn’t crash.
He says he’ll show much more respect
As he gets his life on track;
Yes, Tiger hopes to patch things up
And get his sponsors back.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Master-ing The Game
Tiger told all those on hand
How he cheated and deceived.
But said he’s back to play some golf
And hopes he’s well received.
The champ is turning somewhat macho
With a goatee and mustache;
And his fans all hope his comeback works
And that he doesn’t crash.
He says he’ll show much more respect
As he gets his life on track;
Yes, Tiger hopes to patch things up
And get his sponsors back.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Monday, April 5, 2010
GOP Chairman Losing Confidence
The RNC’s Robert Steele is facing a loss of confidence over a party for potential contributors. Some congressman are afraid the recent controversy over a sex-themed party at a Hollywood night club.
Sex Can Vex
Things seem shaky at the RNC
With the spot light on Bob Steele.
Some folks want to set him free;
Seems he’s losing some appeal.
He’s caused concern ‘mong the GOP
Over a night club’s sex-themed night.
Yet it’s still a case of wait-and-see
How it effects the chairman’s plight.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Sex Can Vex
Things seem shaky at the RNC
With the spot light on Bob Steele.
Some folks want to set him free;
Seems he’s losing some appeal.
He’s caused concern ‘mong the GOP
Over a night club’s sex-themed night.
Yet it’s still a case of wait-and-see
How it effects the chairman’s plight.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Friday, April 2, 2010
Virginia Man Sues Pet Smart After Slipping On Animal Feces
Robert Holloway says he fell after slipping on animal feces at a Newport News Pet Smart Store. He says store management allows customers' pets to defecate on the floor.
Waste-ing Away
A man down in Newport News
Wants a million dollars or more.
Seems he got more than a bruise
When his head made contact with floor.
Now Pet Smart's facing some flap,
And possible obligation,
Because of a floor full of crap;
ie: Customers' pets' defecation.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Waste-ing Away
A man down in Newport News
Wants a million dollars or more.
Seems he got more than a bruise
When his head made contact with floor.
Now Pet Smart's facing some flap,
And possible obligation,
Because of a floor full of crap;
ie: Customers' pets' defecation.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Did Tiger Tell The Truth?
An upcoming article in Vanity Fair is said to question Tiger Woods' claim that none of his friends or colleagues knew about his extra-marital affairs. In recent televised interviews, Woods insisted that no one close to him had any idea of what he was doing.
Sharing The Blame
According to Tiger, nobody knew,
Not even his friends or professional crew,
About his affairs that led to his shame;
And he, all alone, is the one who's to blame.
But now comes a story in Vanity Fair,
Written for readers who may possibly care,
That questions those things that Tiger contends.
And says he had help from a lot of his friends.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Sharing The Blame
According to Tiger, nobody knew,
Not even his friends or professional crew,
About his affairs that led to his shame;
And he, all alone, is the one who's to blame.
But now comes a story in Vanity Fair,
Written for readers who may possibly care,
That questions those things that Tiger contends.
And says he had help from a lot of his friends.
© 2010 Jim Gordon
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)