TV host Drew Carey gets slim

Commedian Drew Carey is about 70 pounds slimmer. At least one source says Carey received a series of injections aimed at suppressing his appetite. The source quotes the commedian as sayng the injections were pricey…but worth the money. Carey is said to have gone from 260 pounds to 185.



Taking The Plunge

Drew Carey decided enough was enough;
Being so heavy was getting quite tough.
So he took some shots to kill his craving for food
And turn himself into a skinnier dude.
It took him some time and cost lots of money;
Now the question remains – will he still be as funny.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Drew Carey Gets Skinny

Comedian and TV host Drew Carey has come down from 260 pounds to a slim 185. Carey, who is said to have undergone a series of injections to suppress his appetite, says he just got sick of being fat.



Seeing The Lite

Drew Carey grew tired of the fat
And yearned for a tummy that’s flat;
So he spent lots of money
(But will he still be as funny?)
And lost seventy pounds just like that.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

New York town expected to host Clinton wedding

Rhinebeck, N.Y. - Although the time and place remains officially classified, residents of Rhinebeck are bracing for the wedding of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky. One business owner believes the ceremony will "put us on the map."



Classified Coupling

Crowds of folks will be on deck
To see Chelsea wed in old Rhinebeck.
Though all is cloaked in mystery,
The town may well make history
As where the couple made big news
When she and Marc said their "I do's."


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Pigeon Feces Foil Band

Rock bands have entertained music lovers in good weather and bad. Never deterred by downpours or scorching temperatures. But the Kings of Leon had to call it quits when pigeon droppings began to pelt them in an outdoor arena.



Music For The Birds

St. Louis music fans
Have seen their bands perform
On sunny days and starlit nights
And even in a storm.

The bands have worked quite hard
To entertain their fans.
Mother Nature never once
Interfered or changed their plans.

But the Kings of Leon stopped
Before their songs were sung,
Because it started raining
Tons of pigeon dung.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Oprah Offers Talk Show To Duchess

Oprah Winfrey is reported to have offered Sarah Ferguson a talk show. According to reports, the Duchess of York would have her own program on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Ms. Ferguson is said to be about 2 million pounds in debt.



Heeeeere's Sarah

The duchess of York's
A bit down on her luck;
But an offer from Oprah
May get her unstuck.

Ms. Winfrey, a friend,
And, of course, a big star,
Has made Fergie an offer
That's far from bizarre.

Sarah has shown folks
She can well walk the walk;
Now here comes the chance
To come talk the talk.

A show of her own
To star and to rock;
With a well-deserved chance
To get out of hock.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Star Wars Villain Robs NY Bank

Using a handgun instead of a laser, a thief disguised as Darth Vader held up a New York City bank. Police say some people though it was a joke as the man made off with an undetermined amount of money.



Beamed Out

The man in the mask was after the money
As witnesses saw the whole thing as funny.
He was a different and unique invader.
The teller looked up and there was Darth Vader.

He made off with the loot with no apparent remorse
After robbing the bank with help of some force;
He surprised everyone with his scary attire,
As he made his escape to his evil empire.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Internet porn sites now accessible in China

Chinese censors are said to be no longer blocking pornography sites in cyber space. The crowded internet is said to be taxing censors, who need to free up capacity to keep an eye on other things. Among priorities, some say, are negative reports about leaders and activity that might trigger protest.



Change Of (ob)Scene

The internet in China
Is crowded and complex;
So censorship is shifting
Away from demon sex.

To keep closer tabs on critics
And protect Beijing from scorn,
They’re bearing down on dissidence
And easing up on porn.

©  2010  Jim Gordon