Roger Clemens To Stand Trial

Roger Clemens says he's not guilty and will defend himself against charges of perjury and obstructing congress. He says he told the truth when he denied taking steroids. His trial is set for April.



Taking A Stand

Roger says he told the truth;
Never was he so uncouth
That he'd behave like a common thug
And take a deed-enhancing drug.

He plans to take it all in stride
When he goes to court where he'll collide
With prosecutors set to assail
And send the defendant off to jail.

Roger calls the charges "lame"
And doesn't plan to take the blame.
He says he'll fight until he's free
And passed on a chance to cop a plea.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Kangaroo testicles a big hit – again

Chefs in Ozrem, Serbia, were on hand for the seventh annual World Testicle Cooking Championship. They prepared dishes made from bull, boar, camel, ostrich and kangaroo testicles. The specialty is believed to be rich in testosterone.



Ya Want Fries With That?

In a Serbian mountain village
It was time to once again vie
For the annual testicle champion
With lots of folks standing by.

From the bull, the boar or the camel,
The ostrich and kangaroo,
The chefs were busily cooking;
With contestants all ready to chew.

‘Twas the seventh annual contest
And no one planned to decline
Since they all had their favorite beer
Not to mention bottles of wine.

Served as goulash or pizza,
With variety served at each stall,
Folks got to choose all their favorites
With everyone having a ball.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Rally Compared With Martin Luther King

The Restoring Honor rally planned for Saturday in Washington is attracting reaction from civil rights groups. Glen Beck will speak to folks identified with the Tea Party at the Lincoln Memorial. That the day and place where Martin Luther King gave his famous “Dream” speech 47 years ago.



Rally Round

Glen says it’s all about honor;
The rally’s not meant to berate;
It’s not about folks being racists,
And nobody there will preach hate.

Among civil rights folks are some skeptics
Who question the Tea Party’s venue;
And wonder just what kind of speeches
Will be on the Tea Party’s menu.

They think of the “I Have a Dream” speech
And question what Glen Beck might bring.
Glen hopes that folks won't compare, though;
‘Cause, he says, he’s no Martin L. King.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Bullet removed from man’s head – 5 years later

Doctors say Robert Chojecki should be ok now. They’ve removed a bullet his head after he complained of headaches. Chojecki told reporters he thought he’d been hit by fireworks at a New Years Eve party when he was accidentally shot.


Shooting Ahead

When Robert’s head began to ache,
He called on his physician.
He hoped that he would soon find out
The cause of his condition.

Then the doctor quickly found the cause;
The reason for Bob’s pain:
A bullet from a twenty-two,
Not far from Bobby’s brain.

It all began five years ago,
At a party less than dull,
Someone rang the New Year in
With a slug in Robert’s skull.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Bedbugs attack U.S. Cities

New York, Philadelphia, and Detroit have been named as the leading sites for bedbugs. According to a report from Terminix, the three lead the list of the 15 most bedbug-infested cities.



Night Bites

Fifteen U. S. cities
Have made a special list
That, no doubt, they're all wishing
Did not, in fact, exist.

Atop the gruesome listing
Are Detroit, New York, and Philly.
They likely don't feel honored;
In fact, they may feel silly.

And exterminator comp'ny,
After all cities had been tested,
Announced that these fair venues
Are the most bedbug-infested.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

FDA: More eggs may be contaminated

The Food and Drug Administration warns there may be more eggs recalled because of possible salmonella. Commissioner Margaret Hamburg says it may be the largest such recall in recent history. Officials say the recalls came from two Iowa egg farms.



Egg Hunt

The FDA is on the prowl
To see what makes those eggs so foul.
It's out there working like the dickens
To see what's up with all those chickens.
Those in charge are quite appalled
To see so many eggs recalled.
Officials say it's undisputed:
Five Hundred Million eggs polluted.
Meantime, I sit and contemplate:
Were my morning eggs from the Hawkeye State?


©  2010  Jim Gordon

O’Reilly Finds Photos Offensive

It appears that Bill O’Reilly was a bit disgusted at the photos of Justin Bieber and Kim Kardasian. The photos, in the September issue of Elle Magazine, were inspired by “The Graduate,” starring Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman.



Factored Out

O’Reilly seems a bit uptight
Over Justin and Ms. Kim;
He seems to feel it isn’t right;
It seems it’s rattled him.

We see that Bill is not a fan
Of Kim or even Justin;
In fact, it’s rather clear our man
Finds the whole thing quite disgustin’.

‘Twould appear it’s made Bill quite confused;
That it’s filled his day with strife;
Our man is surely not amused
And needs to get a life.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon