Clinic Changing Lindsay' Life

Dina Lohan says the Betty Ford Clinic is helping solve her daughter's problems. She describes Lindsay as "a different person.



        Un-Hooked

Lindsay's stay at Betty Ford
Has mama pleased as punch.
Lindsay's health will be restored
When she stops drinking lunch.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama Promises ‘mid-course’ Corrections

President Obama says he’ll make some mid-course corrections in an effort to work with his opponents and maintain the trust of the voter. The President’s comments came in the wake of GOP gains in midterm elections.



    Turbulence

The ship of state’s
A bit off course;
The result, it seems,
Is some remorse.

The President
Wants rapport restored;
So now its back
To the drawing board.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

GOP Shuns President’s Offer Of Compromise

Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell says he’s dedicated to see that President Obama is not re-elected in 2012. McConnell is also leading the charge to get rid of the president’s health care plan.



RSVP

With losses of an epic size
The president wants to compromise.
The GOP is hesitant
‘Cause it wants a diff’rent president.

Republicans have won more clout
And now they want Obama out.
It’s enough to make one feel rejection
As one ponders re-election.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Mr. & Mr. Quaid Want Asylum

Actor Randy Quaid and his wife are asking Canada for asylum. They fear a group know as Star Wackers is out to kill them. Meantime, they face possible extradition to face charges in California.




Outta Sight

Declares Randy Quaid,
Be very afraid,
The whackers are out in full force.

In Canada’s court
He’s seeking support
And asylum, as well, in due course.

Randy and Evi
Find their hearts heavy
‘Cause someone’s out killing the stars.

Whence come the attackers
Known as “Star Wackers”?
Are they from Earth or from Mars?

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Charlie Sheen Wants Out

Actor Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his wife, Brooke. The couple were married in 2008. The actor pleaded guilty to assault charges against his third wife in 2009.


       Putting Asunder

Mr. and Mrs. Charlie Sheen

Are breaking up quite quick and clean;
And Charlie's also told the court
That he wants out of spouse support.
Mrs. Sheen has voiced her bids:
She wants support and both the kids.
The pair has now declared a halt
In wake of charges of assault.
As they lead their separate lives,
Who get custody of the knives?


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Scientists: Alcohol Worse Than Drugs

British scientists have concluded that alcohol is much worse of us than narcotics. Among the safer choices, according to researchers, are heroin, cocaine, and tobacco.


            Beware The Spirits

It seems the best thing you can choose
Is heroin or crack cocaine;
'Cause scientists have found that booze
Can rot your liver and your brain.

And Ecstacy is milder yet,
Making life much less chaotic;
So now you know your better bet:
Trade your booze for a narcotic.

When compared to alcohol,
Tobacco, too, is much less risky.
What may cause your final fall
Is drinking all that demon whiskey.

So if you tend to be a boozer,
It would seem that it's no joke:
Stop living life as such a loser;
Put down your scotch and have some coke.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

"Gay Joke" To Stay In Ron Howard's Movie

Director Ron Howard says he's won't edit his new film, "Dilemma," despite controversy over a character's line. A gay activist group is unhappy over a scene in which the character refers to electric cars as "gay."



Word War

Ron Howard feels,
Whatever you say,
He's not about
To remove the word "gay."

Ron says it's in fun;
It's not done with hate.
And, really, who'd laugh
If you called the cars "straight."

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon