Woman says she had a lengthy affair with Herman Cain

Ginger White of Atlanta says she and Herman Cain had a 13-year extramarital affair that lasted nearly until he declared his candidacy for president. An Atlanta television station quotes Cain as saying he knew White but was trying to help her financially.



               Raising (More) Cain

Mr. Cain wants to simply clear the air
Over charges he had love affair
During the day, or even at night
With a lady id’d as Ginger White.

Ms. White says she had a lot of fun
Up till the man’s presidential run.
Mr. Cain responds that the lady well knows
He was trying to help solve her money woes.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Black Friday shoppers contend with violence

Pepper spray and gun fire marred Christmas shopping for some people on Black Friday. Police in Los Angeles say a woman used pepper spray to gain advantage over fellow shoppers at a Walmart store. In San Leandro, Calif., a Walmart shopper was shot and wounded during a suspected robbery.



    Roughing It

To be first in line
And hold others at bay,
Some shoppers went armed
With, what else? Pepper spray.

Buying for family,
From TVs to computers,
Some even contended
With holiday looters.

Some folks were hurt
While ignoring some laws;
But as far as we know,
They spared Santa Claus.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thanksgiving Day parade marches thru Manhattan

Folks lined the streets as the Thanksgiving Day parade made its way through New York City. More than 40 balloon creations, 27 floats, hundreds of clowns joined the festivities along with 1, 600 cheerleaders.



                  Giving Thanks

The folks watched the floats and balloons
Of most of their favorite cartoons
At the yearly Thanksgiving parade.

Then home to their annual turkey
After which they’ll feel less than perky
As they watch all the football games played.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Kobe’s Endorsement Sours

As the NBA’s work stoppage continues, Kobe Bryant is facing even more financial bad news. His endorsement from Power Balance LLC appears to have collapsed as the company files for bankruptsy. The move follows an Australian challenge of the company’s claim that its $30 wristband helps improve strength, balance, and flexibility.



          Power-less

Power Balance collapsed
Under an Australian charge;
And it cost Kobe Bryant
Four Hundred Large.

It’s not only his sport
That Kobe has missed;
There’s all of that money
For that thing on his wrist.

The company’s bad news
Can throw one off course;
And cause one to look for
Something else to endorse.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Pepper spray justification debated

An investigation is underway into the pepper spraying of  nonviolent demonstrators at a California university.  Amid calls for the college chancellor to resign, some expert say police may have been justified.  In the face of angry reaction, some experts say it maybe a better alternative to dragging protestors away.   

          It's Pepper, Sergeant

The students seemed not to resist

As they protested without an assist;
But the cop shot his spray
Across where they lay;
Now lots of folks seem to be pissed.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Sunday Special: News The This Time, Doesn't Rhyme

The Supreme Court will decide the fate of Obama’s Health Plan.
     There seems to be some question about letting too many people have access    to a doctor’s office.

Toys R Us and Walmart will open for Black Friday Christmas shopping at 9 0’clock Thanksgiving night.
     They’ll follow that immediately with their New Years Eve White Sale.

Target now calls its customers “guests”.
     So they’re inviting them all to a bring-your-own-money party on Thanksgiving night.

One marketing manager says starting Black Friday so early takes away sacred time employees need to spend with their families.
     But the store management feels the early start adds time for the customer to spend ON their families.
Some families have been camped outside Best Buys all week to be first in line Thursday night.
     Their Thanksgiving dinner will be catered by Turkey’s R Us.

Other shoppers found ways to profit from the campers, though.
     They caught one guy scalping TV sets.

One marketing consultant predicts a record number of people will be shopping during the earlier hours.
     So some people will be watching their favorite football games on the discounted TV sets they're buying.


The Occupy Wall Street group protesting in Philadelphia is in trouble with the mayor because of litter. He’s especially upset over the public urination and defecation.
     Michael Nutter is quoted as saying: “I’ve had enough of this shit.”

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Artwork On The Moon

The Apollo 12 astronauts are said to have taken miniature versions of various artwork to the moon. The work is said to by Andy Warhol and five other artists. One of the artists, Forrest Myers, says he and the others wanted to be part of the historic trip.



               One Of These Days

Seems our spacemen take art to the moon.
Some of it fit for a palace?
And did they find a lady up there
Who told them her name was Alice?

Is it true that her lunar landing
Followed her running off at the mouth?
And was it a one-way journey
Launched by her dear husband, Ralph?

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Philbin Finishes Up

Regis Philbin has ended his nearly-three-decade run as a morning TV host. What’s been known as Live with Regis and Kelly for the past 10 years will continue as Live with Kelly. Contrary to a prediction by Katie Couric, Philbin had nary a tear in his eye as he said “so long.”



           Bowing Out

Regis has said his goodbyes
To Kelly and all of the guys
All shouted a toast
To the outgoing host
Who said his farewell with dry eyes.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Demi and Aston’s Financial Statements Considered

As Demi Moore and Aston Kutcher head for the divorce court, speculation begins concerning their respective net worth. One report estimated Kutcher’s bank account may be a bit healthier than Ms. Moore.


                     Banking On It

Looks like Demi and Aston will break up;
It doesn’t appear that they’ll make up;
Though Aston earns more,
Demi’s top drawer
And neither one faces a shake up.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Franco Harris unemployed after speaking out for Paterno

A Pennsylvania casino has fired Franco Harris after the Hall of Famer spoke out on behalf of Joe Paterno.  Harris was a star fullback for Penn State under Paterno from 1968 till 1971.

                    Standing By

Seems Franco is making things tense

Speaking out in his coach's defense;
Once so admired,
Franco's been fired
For pointing out pure common sense.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Sandusky says he's innocent

Jerry Sandusky says he not guilty of sex abuse charges involving children.  But he admits he "fooled around" and touched some of the youngsters.  The former football coach's comments came during a telephone interview.

             Pleading Innocent

Jerry Sandusky says that he rejects

Charges he indulged in children sex;
Although he says it may be surely found
He touched some youngsters while they fooled around.

He admits they shared a shower once in awhile

But the ex-coach insists that he's no pedophile.
In an interview conducted on the phone,
He concedes he should have showered all alone.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Asst. Coach on paid leave

Penn State’s Mike McQueary is on paid leave following the firing of his head coach, Joe Paterno. The moves are in the wake of sex assault charges aimed at a former assistant coach. According to reports, McQueary saw the boy being attacked and left the scene to tell his father and coach Paterno.



                       Under Attack

Joe Paterno’s a man who’s come under fire,
He’s now been dismissed! Not allowed to retire.
He failed to tell the police about what he was told
And that, it would seem, allowed the trail to get cold.

He was told by McQueary who says that he saw
The rape of a child that stuck in his craw.
Not enough, it would seem, that he might, God forbid,
Step in like a man and…well, rescue the kid.

Things may have ended not quite so badly
If Mike had helped out ‘stead of running to daddy.
McQueary’s on leave now. Joe’s gone but Mike stayed;
Kept under wraps but still getting paid.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Perry: Downsize Federal Government

Texas Governor Rick Perry says, as President, he’d move to scrap the Departments of Commerce, Energy, and Education. One may ask: what do these offices do that is so vital to America’s well-being. Commerce includes the office of Patents and Trademarks; Energy oversees our nuclear weapons. Education deals with more than just classroom activity.


                    Changing Plans

Some inventors may become combatants
Fighting over just who owns their patents.
But that’s ok! We all can be contented.
If all we need’s already been invented.

Energy protects us from the kooks
Determined to play havoc with our nukes.
It is among those inconvenient facts
That its people help protect us from attacks.

Then there are those folks in Education
Helping kids in schools across the nation.
They also help protect both blacks and whites
To keep what they have left of civil rights.

We’ll have to wait to hear some more of Perry’s plans,
Including what will take the place of what he bans.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Rosie’s Ratings Recede

The Rosie O’Donnell show, airing at 7 pm Eastern time, is said to be losing viewers. The show has lost 40 percent of the audience it had attracted during its first week on the air.



             That Sinking Feeling

Though Rosie’s been seen as a winner,
Her ratings are growing much thinner;
Her numbers are low
‘Cause, wouldn’t you know,
When she’s on, folks are all out to dinner.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Lawmakers to ponder jobs for vets

The senate has voted to help veterans who are out of work. Lawmakers are expected to propose tax breaks to companies that hire veterans. The vets would be provided with employment counseling and other services.



                      Work It Out

It appears that congress is ready to play
And let Mr. Obama have some of his way;
Taking action to cover at least some of their bets,
Other jobless folks wait while the Hill helps the Vets.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Andy Rooney remembered

As his former 60 minutes colleagues pay special tribute to Andy Rooney, fans of his radio essays and newspaper columns mourn the passing of a self-described curmudgeon of the broadcast and print. The following is a eulogy, of sorts.




  Minute by Minute

For nearly 60 minutes,
I sit, and wait, and stare;
I’m set for the finale,
But Andy isn’t there.

I wait all week for Sunday;
The show goes on the air;
I stay until the end comes,
But Andy isn’t there.

I sit there for an hour
To see him in his chair.
The minutes fly on by but,
Right! Andy isn’t there.

For all these years, I’ve tuned in,
To miss a night was rare –
Now Andy’s said farewell and
The man’s no longer there.

So if there is a Heaven
Out in the bright “somewhere”,
When it comes our time to follow,
I’m sure Andy will be there.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Deepak Chopra says money doesn't mean happiness

According to author Deepak Chopra, happiness comes from how people look at situations in their lives plus their living conditions and the choices they make. Chopra's comments come following a report from the National Academy of Sciences on longevity. Says the report, older people who are happy have a 35% lower risk of dying over a five-year period than those who are not happy.

     Cashing In

Can't pay the rent?

Landlord gets snappy.
Write him check
You make him happy.

And what you need
To do that, though,
Is what is known
As lots of dough.

If you're feeling
A bit dysphoric,
Buy Deepak's book;
He'll be euphoric.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Daughter hopes her dad gets help

Hillary Adams, 23, says she hopes her family law judge father gets  help after the airing of a video taken when the girl was 16 years old.  The video shows Judge William Adams hitting his daughter with a belt.  Ms. Adams said her father was angry because she had illegally downloaded media files.  The judge is quoted as saying "it looks worse than it was."

                    Paddle Tales

The law judge may be losing some ranking

And his personal life could be tanking
His daughter showed how she felt
When he attacked with his belt
And gave the young lady a spanking.


©  2011  Jim Gordon