President Wants A Freeze On Federal Paychecks

President Obama wants congress to approve a freeze on the wages of federal civilian employees. The move is designed to save more than $5 billion dollars over the first two years. The president will meet with lawmakers who also want a freeze on government hiring.



                   Pay Raise Malaise

Government workers are feeling the squeeze
As the president calls for their wages to freeze.
We have, says Obama, a long way to go
In the task of making the economy grow.
It's going to take more than a rich Uncle Sam
To get us all out of this tough fiscal jam.
Some folks who find his actions inspiring
Would also cut back on government hiring.


©  2010 Jim Gordon

Safer As A Spectator

President Obama and family enjoyed a Saturday of College basketball, watching the University of Howard host Oregon. The previous day, the president needed several stitches in his mouth following a basketball game with friends and family at Fort McNair in Washington.




                         Foul Shot

Mr. Obama, in the mood for some sport,
Called for a game on the basketball court.
In the midst of the fun came one of those glitches
That, when all’s said and done, had Obama in stitches.

The following day, still feeling empowered,
The Prez and his folks watched the cagers of Howard.
The Beavers and Bisons, both quite top-notch,
Made it safer for him to sit and just watch.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Shoppers Up Before The Sun

People bent on picking up bargains got an early start on their Christmas shopping. Stores opened to greet them in the wee small hours of the morning.



         Get In, er…On Line

That day is here when lots of folks
Begin their Christmas shopping;
With heads unbowed amidst the crowd
They spend the day out hopping.

Though now that cyber space is here,
Some have a bit more leeway.
Those who deplore the crowded store,
Can buy their gifts on ebay.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Sarah Slams Couric

Sarah Palin told Fox News that she plans to stay away from interviewers like Katie Couric. Palin told Sean Hannity that Couric is biased. She added that she wants to “help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism.”



  Hate That Kate

Sarah’s quite fed up
With anchor Katie Couric.
The time she spent with her
Was less than meteoric.

She simply doesn’t like
The way that Katie acts;
And how she thinks that Sarah
Should actually know facts.

Sarah says she’ll never
Give Katie her two cents
If Couric keeps insisting
Sara keep up with events.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Pennsylvania’s Lawmakers And Judge Get Raises In Pay

Thanks to a 1995 law, the governor, legislators, and judges in Pennsylvania will receive a nearly 2 percent hike in pay. The raises are based on changes in the national Consumer Price Index.



     Political Perk$

Each elected politician
And each Pennsylvania judge
Will soon make much more money
That some citizens begrudge.

They got to give themselves
That gift that keeps on giving;
More income aimed at fighting
That pesky cost of living.

What about their voters?
How will those folks fare?
There appears no indication
That the legislators care.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Woman Suing Sheen

A woman says she plans to file a criminal complaint against Charlie Sheen. Capri Anderson accuses the actor of battery and false imprisonment. The charges stem from an incident, last month, in a New York City hotel.


           Dinner For Two

Ms. Anderson is going to court;
She’s mad at Mr. Sheen.
She says he threw a lamp at her
And was really very mean.

The actor’s lawyer sees it all
As something of a game;
Accusations simply charged
To cash in on his fame.



© 2010 Jim Gordon

Flyers Fed Up With Pat Downs

Much of the flying public feels the Transportation Security Administration has crossed the line in its passenger searches. A campaign is underway urging people to refuse to be searched on the eve of Thanksgiving, one of the year’s busiest travel days.



    How Are You Feeling?

I know you’re out to save me,
Oh, ye of the TSA;
And I know you’re on the scene now
To make terror go away.

But as I stand before you
I’m always kind of hoping
That as you do your duty,
You’re careful where you’re groping.

I know what I can carry
I know what’s being banned;
So won’t you please be gentle
When giving me your hand?

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama: Arms Treaty Must Be Ratified

President Obama is calling on congress to ratify the U.S.-Russia arms treaty before the lawmakers call it quits for the year. The President says it’s not a question of politics but, rather, a matter of national security.




                 Arms Alert

Says Obama, it wouldn’t be smart
For this session of congress to part
Without a new pact
To keep peace intact
By assuring no stop, now, to START.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Nancy Pelosi To Keep Leading Democrats

Democrats in the House have voted to keep Nancy Pelosi as their leader. She'll become minority leader in January, when the majority will switch to the Republicans. Pelosi blames her party's losses on continued high unemployment.



                Staying On

The Democrats will keep Pelosi
As their leader in the house;
They don't blame her for their losses
And they see no need to grouse.

Nancy says she's not to blame.
She sees voters as annoyed,
Not by anything she's done,
But because they're unemployed.

 
©  2010 Jim Gordon

Lawmakers Want Vote On Earmarks

Senators plan to force a vote on banning earmarks, the practice of allocating federal money for home-state projects.



Roll Out The Barrel

Politicos like to keep
Constituents grateful
By getting their people
Perks by the plateful.
But many seem ready
To put down the fork
And save the taxpayer
From funding the pork.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Scientists: Time To Head For Mars

Two scientists say humans should begin setting up housekeeping on another planet. They feel Mars is just the spot. Writing in the “Journal of Cosmology", they Pointout that Mars is just six-months away and contend the trip would be faster, and less expensive, if it were one-way.




Blasting Off

Forget the moon
Forget the stars;
The time has come
To aim for mars.

Two scientists
Say let ‘er rip,
It needn’t be
A two-way trip.

So earthlings, now,
Should start to pack
And shouldn’t plan
On coming back.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

President and Congress Face Showdown

With mixed results from his Asian tour, President Obama is facing a challenge from Capital Hill. Among them: a showdown over tax cuts and negotiations with Republicans.



Arguing Left And Right

The president has come back home
To meet the GOP;
He says he wants a compromise -
A way to all agree.

Republicans and Democrats
All rev up their motors.
We can but hope those voted in
Won’t forget the voters.

 
©  2010  JIm Gordon 

Accused thief has wrong “Alibi”

It didn’t take police in Lewiston, Idaho, long to catch up with a suspected burglar. Officials say they arrested Donald Mosely right next door, at the Alibi bar.



On Tap

The alleged robber didn’t get far;
Just next door to the Alibi Bar;
The search was quite brief;
He gave them no grief;
Police see it as rather bizarre.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Man smokes joint to welcome new baby.

A Pennsylvania man is charged with possessing marijuana for smoking a joint to celebrate the birth of his child. The unidentified man is quoted as saying he wanted to get a buzz.



         But Did He Inhale?

Some new dads might hit the bar,
Or shout out loud “have a cigar!”
But our new papa saw no point
In lighting anything but a joint.

He may be thinking now, just maybe
It was no way to welcome baby.
He simply wanted to “get a buzz,”
But somebody noticed and called the fuzz.

What he did was rather provoking
Even though some others were smoking.
Those others, though, don’t share his lot
Because they didn’t share his pot.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Drug Seeker Calls Cops

A New York man looking for a drug peddler got a crime stopper instead. An Erie County detective sent undercover officers who used the man to help bust a nearby drug buy.



Sorry, Wrong Number

The man on the phone
was looking to score
but it seems he misdialed
and got the wrong "store."

Instead of a pusher,
this unfortunate shopper
found he was talking
to a county Crime Stopper.

Instead of those drugs
the man met a cop
who enlisted his help
to bust a drug drop.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Clinic Changing Lindsay' Life

Dina Lohan says the Betty Ford Clinic is helping solve her daughter's problems. She describes Lindsay as "a different person.



        Un-Hooked

Lindsay's stay at Betty Ford
Has mama pleased as punch.
Lindsay's health will be restored
When she stops drinking lunch.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Obama Promises ‘mid-course’ Corrections

President Obama says he’ll make some mid-course corrections in an effort to work with his opponents and maintain the trust of the voter. The President’s comments came in the wake of GOP gains in midterm elections.



    Turbulence

The ship of state’s
A bit off course;
The result, it seems,
Is some remorse.

The President
Wants rapport restored;
So now its back
To the drawing board.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

GOP Shuns President’s Offer Of Compromise

Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell says he’s dedicated to see that President Obama is not re-elected in 2012. McConnell is also leading the charge to get rid of the president’s health care plan.



RSVP

With losses of an epic size
The president wants to compromise.
The GOP is hesitant
‘Cause it wants a diff’rent president.

Republicans have won more clout
And now they want Obama out.
It’s enough to make one feel rejection
As one ponders re-election.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Mr. & Mr. Quaid Want Asylum

Actor Randy Quaid and his wife are asking Canada for asylum. They fear a group know as Star Wackers is out to kill them. Meantime, they face possible extradition to face charges in California.




Outta Sight

Declares Randy Quaid,
Be very afraid,
The whackers are out in full force.

In Canada’s court
He’s seeking support
And asylum, as well, in due course.

Randy and Evi
Find their hearts heavy
‘Cause someone’s out killing the stars.

Whence come the attackers
Known as “Star Wackers”?
Are they from Earth or from Mars?

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Charlie Sheen Wants Out

Actor Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his wife, Brooke. The couple were married in 2008. The actor pleaded guilty to assault charges against his third wife in 2009.


       Putting Asunder

Mr. and Mrs. Charlie Sheen

Are breaking up quite quick and clean;
And Charlie's also told the court
That he wants out of spouse support.
Mrs. Sheen has voiced her bids:
She wants support and both the kids.
The pair has now declared a halt
In wake of charges of assault.
As they lead their separate lives,
Who get custody of the knives?


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Scientists: Alcohol Worse Than Drugs

British scientists have concluded that alcohol is much worse of us than narcotics. Among the safer choices, according to researchers, are heroin, cocaine, and tobacco.


            Beware The Spirits

It seems the best thing you can choose
Is heroin or crack cocaine;
'Cause scientists have found that booze
Can rot your liver and your brain.

And Ecstacy is milder yet,
Making life much less chaotic;
So now you know your better bet:
Trade your booze for a narcotic.

When compared to alcohol,
Tobacco, too, is much less risky.
What may cause your final fall
Is drinking all that demon whiskey.

So if you tend to be a boozer,
It would seem that it's no joke:
Stop living life as such a loser;
Put down your scotch and have some coke.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

"Gay Joke" To Stay In Ron Howard's Movie

Director Ron Howard says he's won't edit his new film, "Dilemma," despite controversy over a character's line. A gay activist group is unhappy over a scene in which the character refers to electric cars as "gay."



Word War

Ron Howard feels,
Whatever you say,
He's not about
To remove the word "gay."

Ron says it's in fun;
It's not done with hate.
And, really, who'd laugh
If you called the cars "straight."

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon