Police say couple tried to sell their child

A California couple is facing charges after being accused of trying to sell their baby at Wal-Mart. Police say, besides child endangerment the two also face drug charges.


Looking For Love

Attention Wal-Mart shoppers,
We have a kid for sale.
The twenty-five dollar price tag
Got lawmen on their tail.

Police picked up the couple,
Booked as if they're thugs.
Besides the baby-selling,
They're accused of using drugs.

Police have filed their charges
Against the suspected pair;
The child is with the state now,
Awaiting loving care.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Chicago’s Ban On Handguns In Doubt

The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled Americans have the right to own a gun for self-defense wherever they live. The justices have, thereby, told a federal appeals court to reconsider its ruling banning handguns in Chicago. It leaves little doubt the new law will fall.


Aiming To Please
Or
Frontier Justices

Chicago folks may resume their fun
The Supreme Court says ya can have a gun.
The justices ruled, with all their charms,
Ain’t nuthin wrong with bearin’ arms.

The NRA was right there rootin’
And the high court voted and said darn tootin,
As long as folks aren’t out there lootin’,
Let ‘em reload and resume their shootin’.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Republican Lawmakers Question Kagan’s Partiality

As the Senate Judiciary Committee prepares a weeklong hearing on Elena Kagan’s choice to a Supreme Court Justice, Republicans are questioning her ability to be impartial. The president’s choice for the High Court is expected to begin facing questions on Tuesday.


Judgment Day

Elena Kagan’s on The Hill
Facing tough examination.
Obama’s choice for a High Court seat
Seems to be causing a mild sensation.

The Democrats all think she’s grand;
The GOP’s less certain.
She’ll undergo much scrutiny
Before the final curtain.

In the end, of course, Obama hopes
She’ll win The Hill’s support,
So he can breathe much easier
And balance out the Court.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Searchers Find Century-Old Shipwreck

Divers say the L.R. Doty, which sank in Lake Michigan 112 years ago, has been found intact. The wooden ship went down in stormy weather in October 1898. It had been the largest wooden ship unaccounted for.



Preserving History

For the last one hundred years or so,
It's been at the bottom of the lake.
After all these years of looking,
Searchers finally got a break.

It was taking corn to Canada
When it was hit by nasty weather.
The crew aboard, plus their two cats
All lost their lives together.

There are no plans to bring her up,
The ship is just too old.
She'll stay preserved forever now
In water deep and cold.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Sister/Brother Brawl Leads To Assault Charge

According to police in Waterville, Washington, a discussion over the ingredients of a recipe escalated into violence. The argument over butter versus margarine, say police, led to the young lady trying to cut her brother's neck with a spatula.


Secret Ingredient

The young man and his female sib
Had an awful fight;
By the time the cops were on the scene,
Things were outta sight.

It started with a recipe
For cheese and macaroni.
He thought his question made some sense;
She thought it was baloney.

"Is that margarine or butter?"
Must have got her goat.
'Cause according to the local court,
She tried to cut his throat.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Judge Blocks Obama's Ban

Federal Judge Martin Feldman has denied the Obama administration's attempt to stop deepwater drilling. The president wants to be sure other wells are operating securely. Drilling companies filed a suit against the ban and the judge says it'll be settled in court.


Awaiting Trial

The government issued a drilling ban
To inspect that all's secure.
But the judge has ruled that such a move
Is a little premature.

Deepwater drillers filed a suit
To obtain a quick denial;
Says the judge, forget the ban for now,
We'll settle it all at trial.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Neither Left Nor Right Sure About Kagan

Both liberals and conservatives are criticizing Elena Kagan’s stand on the issued of abortion rights. Both sides are looking forward to Senate hearings on her nomination to the U.S. Supreme Court.

To Beget Or Not To Beget

The doubts of both the left and right
Seem out of all proportion;
Neither seems to be quite sure
How Elena sees abortion.

The two sides like her intellect;
They don’t find that distressing;
But the question: Is it ok to kill
Is where she keeps ‘em guessing.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Cleaning Up Oil Spill And BP Image

BP’s managing director, Bob Dudley, is taking over the job of clean up. He’ll be working on compensating those who’ve been hurt as well as cleaning up he spill and the company’s image.



Cleanup Hitter

Tony Hayward is getting help
As he seeks some peace of mind;
Bobby Dudley’s stepping in
To help the man who’s been maligned.

Mr. Dudley’s taking his place
On BP’s line of scrimmage;
As Mr. Hayward does his job
Bob will work on BP’s image.

He’ll also deal face to face
With the anger and frustration,
Plus environmental rehab
Not to mention compensation.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Texas Republican Sorry For Apology

Republican congressman Joe Barton says he’s sorry he apologized for BP’s CEO. Earlier, the Texas lawmaker had labeled as a “shakedown” the $20 billion relief fund for victims of the oil spill that had been demanded by the White House and accepted by the oil company.


Slip Slidin’ Away

Joe Barton first apologized,
Then took the whole thing back.
It all stems from the BP mess
With both sides on attack.

He retracted the word “shakedown”
Which earlier he’d aimed
Apparently at the White House,
Though his target was un-named.

Though the Texas congressperson
Agrees BP should pay
He’d hardly want the oil folks
To take $upport away.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Chaotic Crowd Cancels Concert

Police in New York City were asked to disperse 20,000 fans who got out of hand at a free concert featuring the pop band Hansen and Canadian rapper Drake. Organizers had expected only 10,00 fans to show up for the concert at Pier 17 on Manhattan’s South Street Seaport. Several people suffered minor injuries and two people were arrested on minor charges.


It’s A Wrap

The brothers Hansen
And rapper Drake
Showed up in Gotham
And caused a quake.

The crowd that showed up,
Much larger than planned,
Became rather unruly
And got out of hand.

Police were summoned;
Security lacking
Prompted The Man to
Send everyone packing.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

How Your Toilet Paper Affects The Economy

Whatever the government does to direct the economy and where U.S. Dollars are spent, much depends on what the American consumer wants to spend money on. A recent report indicates the consumer is more interested in comfort than economy when it comes to such things as … well toilet paper.


On A Roll

Uncle Sam’s effort to balance the budget
Is such a hard job it’s really not funny.
So much depends on consumers like us
And how we decide to budget our money.


Among all the products in which we invest,
As we each go about our shopping caper,
Looking for ways of staying a-head,
Are such household products - as toilet paper.


Yes, we want to save money and pull in the belt
And spend fewer dollars as long as we got ‘em;
So we search high and low to save every dime
And get to the checkout before we hit bottom.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Teen Sailor Not Planning Reality TV

The family of Abby Sunderland denies plans for a television reality program. Abby, who was rescued from the Indian Ocean, had been trying to sail around the world. A spokesman for the family says such a show had been discussed some time ago and Abby had taken cameras along on her voyage.


Wait And Sea

Abby Sunderland tried to sail
Around the world in her boat.
Trouble at sea caused her to stop
And rescuers found her afloat.

Folks are asking what’s coming next;
Her plans are what folks want to know.
Despite the camera’s she had aboard,
Don’t expect a TV show.

All that time out of sight and sound,
Feared to be lost at sea,
The word seems to be don’t hold your breath
For a taste of Reality.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Orphan Annie Says Goodbye

Little Orphan Annie has ended an 86 year run as a beloved comic strip. Annie has made he final newspaper appearance. But the folks who own the license for the character suggest Annie will be back in other media.


Orphan Morphin'

Eighty-six years in the comics
Might be seen, by some folks, as uncanny.
A void will be left for some readers
By the parting of dear Orphan Annie.

The powers-that-be hint, however,
This doesn't that she's dead.
Still more to come of dog Sandy,
Daddy Warbucks and the red head.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Candidate Talks Hair

Sacramento, CA. -- Republican Senate nominee Carly Fiorina was caught unaware discussing her opponents hair. Fiorina was picked up on a live microphone as she waited to be interviewed on KXTV's morning news program.



Getting Hair- y

Before Carly went on the air,
She conversed with her usual flair,
Apparently quite unaware
A live mic was sitting right there.

As she sat on the set in a chair,
She seemed to go off on a tear.
But does it really seem to be fair
That the race may revolve around hair.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Man,Drunk, Breaks Into Bank

Ellensburg, Wash. -- Police have arrested a man for breaking into the basement of a bank, apparently to sleep after a night of drinking. The man is seen, on video, entering through a basement window at about 3 a.m. and leaving before 8 a.m.


Sobering Up

A Washington man, say police,
Came close to disturbing the peace.
Seems it was all night that he drank
Slept it off in a bank.
He's in jail, now, awaiting release.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Gores' Daughter Said To Be Headed For Divorce

Anonymous sources are quoted as saying Al and Tipper Gore's eldest daughter has separated from her husband. The same sources say the young couple is seeking counseling.


Parting Ways

After just barely a week
Since mom and dad quit.
The Gore's eldest daughter
And her husband might split.

Rumor mongers have hinted
Another marriage in trouble.
Or is it efforts by cynics
To burst Cupid's bubble?

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Condemned Convict Prefers Firing Squad

Salt Lake City -- Ronnie Lee Gardner is scheduled to be executed by firing squad, June 18, for a 1985 fatal courthouse shooting. Gardner has refused Utah's lethal injection method and has asked, instead, to be shot. Meantime, the Utah Supreme Court is to hear an appeal aimed at reducing his sentence to life in prison.


Fire When Ready

Utah's capital punishment
Calls for lethal injection.
But convict Ronnie Lee Gardner
Got to make a selection.

Convicted of capital murder,
He said to the judge, guess what?
He'd rather not have any needles;
He'd simply much rather be shot.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Gladiator Graves Discovered

Archaeologists in London say they're dug up dozens of skeletons without heads. They appear to be the remains of Roman Gladiators dating back to the first century A.D. Experts say the skeletons show deadly bites by lions, bears and tigers or other large animals.

Making Their Bones

Lions and Tigers and Bears
Left their bites and also some tears
On gladiators who fought without dread,
But nonetheless ended up dead.
And many more than one lost his head.
They toured the Roman Empire
And few ever lived to retire.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Remembering WW2

Eastern Shore, Md. The Mid-Atlantic Air Museum sponsored World War II weekend, Saturday. Tan Nguyan, who is Vietnamese, dressed in an authentic Japanese colonel’s uniform.

Harbor-ing A Memory

Folks down on the Eastern Shore
Took time out to remember war.
Seems some folks traveled many a mile
To dress up in nineteen forties style.
Re-enactors, old and new,
Depicted folks of world war two.
GI’s have been honored since it all began,
But this year Tan Nguyan recalled Japan.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Idol Winner Bombs

Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox didn't make it into Billboards top ten with their first singles. The lukewarm reception is blamed on mediocrity among the latest American Idol contestants.

Idol-izing

Crystal and Lee didn't fare all that well
As their singles appeared on the charts.
Their music, it seems, just didn't quite jell
Or find its way into our hearts.

How could the idols be so rejected
While recording and doing their thing?
Maybe the fans all simply expected,
Two singers who knew how to sing.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Woods Still Doctoring Sore Neck

Tiger Woods says he's recovering from his neck injury but says "it's still not where I want it to be." Woods plans to compete in this weekend's Memorial Tournament, two weeks away from the US Open in Pebble Beach.



Preparing To Open

Though Tiger's neck
Is on the mend,
He's waiting for
The pain to end.

He's tuning up
For Pebble Beach;
Fans hope it's not
Beyond his reach.

The swelling's down;
Good news by far;
But seems his neck's
Still under par.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Nicklaus And Woods In The Skins Game

Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods will be among ten golfers a Skins Game, this week. The nine-hole event offers a purse of $100,000 to benefit charity.

Fore....Charity

Jack will join Tiger
To play for the skins.
They'll be joined by eight others
When the golfing begins.

Professional golfers
May hook and may slice,
Betting for charity
Using golf balls for dice.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Rain Cancels President’s Speech

President Obama’s plans for a Memorial Day appearance had to be called off on account of rain. Obama told the thousands on hand to hear him that “a little rain doesn’t hurt anybody, but we don’t want anybody being struck by lightening.”


Washout

The President went to the Land of Lincoln
To speak on Memorial Day.
But the rains came down in bucketfuls
And refused to go away.

He spoke to those who came to hear,
An umbrella o’er his head.
The rain, he said, is not so bad;
‘Tis the lightening we dread.

Despite Obama’s well-laid plans,
And the folks who all turned out,
While Biden spoke at Arlington,
The Prez was….well….rained out.

© 2010 Jim Gordon