President and lawmakers face deadline

President Obama and congressional leaders failed to reach a compromise Saturday in efforts to beat an August 2 deadline to head off a government default.



        Deal Or No Deal

Republicans and Democrats
Are racing with the clock,
Searching for a compromise
To avert a fiscal shock.

Talks continue as they try
To keep us from default;
And keep the wheels of commerce
From grinding to a halt.

The deadline’s now two days away,
As they use all their skills
To assure us all the money’s there
To pay the nation’s bills.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Lewis vague on telethon plans

Jerry Lewis refused to get specific about the future of the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon. The veteran entertainer says he’ll hold a press conference after next month’s program to talk about what lies ahead.



                  Pro-Curing

Jerry now hints he plans to stay,
Though he earlier said he’d be going away.
Reporters raised the issue upon
Questions concerning his telethon.

Next month, he’ll appear on the network grids
As he asks us again to help Jerry’s kids.
Asked what would fulfill his destiny?
A cure for Muscular Dystrophy.

 
©   2011  Jim Gordon

Tiger Woods back on course

Tiger Woods will return to golf in the Bridgestone Invitational. Woods says he’s feeling fit and excited to get back in the game.



      Eyes On The Tiger

August third will be the day
That Tiger Woods returns to play.
He says his limbs are now pain-free,
So now’s the time to test that knee.

Next week, the Tiger will begin
After twenty months without a win.
His fans will watch his every putt
And hope their man will make the cut.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

TV host hurt chasing a burglar

Jeopardy host Alex Trebek injured his Achilles tendon while chasing a suspected thief.  The woman is accused of entering his hotel room to steal money and jewelry.

      Playing Catch

While chasing a thief,

He snapped a tendon
Running like heck.

Who's Jeopardy's host,

Who knows all the answers,
Alex Trebek?


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Moving day for Tiger

Tiger Woods is preparing to move into his new home.  It includes, among other things, four greens and six bunkers to help him improve his swing as he prepares to resume his golf game.

                              Open House

Tiger Woods seems quite happy and, one might say glad,

To finally move into his exclusive new pad.
It features a golf course to work on his game,
As he does what he must to win back his name
Of golf's all-time star, if not reigning king,
With a new course designed to work on his swing.
When he's again champion from working so hard,
He may let his link friends all play in his yard.


© 2011  Jim Gordon

Want ads shun unemployed

Hundreds of job listings posted online explicitly state that employers are not interested in people who are unemployed.  Some ads let it be known that long-term unemployed need not apply.

             Working Out

Folks who've long been laid off

Keep searching through the ads;
And folks who look to hire
Seem out there by the scads.

The major problem facing

The unemployed who lurk
Is companies won't consider
The folks now out of work.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Female officers to board subs

For the first time in submarine history, female officers will be serving along side men. They’re expected to begin submarine duty later this year.



  Waiting To Sea

The Navy’s preparing
For a whole new sight.
As move to maneuver
Will remain rather tight,
It could be the focus
Of millions of eyes,
As the ladies prepare
To join all those guys.
Though women have served
On U.S. Naval tubs,
It’s a first for mixed genders
On American subs.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Saudi Arabia Cracking Down?

According to Amnesty International, Saudi Arabia is trying to prevent pro-democracy protests by its citizens. Proposed anti-terrorist legislation would subject such protestors to 10 years in jail.



           Crown-ing Touch

Saudi Arabia is said to be bent
On curbing attempts by folks to dissent.
It seems that out of some sort of frustration,
Officials are pushing some new legislation.
It’s said that the government’s immediate mission
Is to end what it calls terroristic sedition.
Bottom line, it would seem, is that this is the thing:
Jail awaits those who would question the king.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Obama pushes for compromise

President Barak Obama is calling for agreement in talks aimed at averting default. As the Aug. 3 deadline approaches, the president is urging both sides to make concessions.



    Paying The Bills

The president’s urging
Discussions not halt
Until we’re all certain
Uncle Sam won’t default.

He’s urging both sides
To somehow devise
A way to find balance
With some compromise.

To spare all the people
Another recession,
There’s call for agreement
By way of concession.

Some Democrats, though,
With a bit of alarm,
Are hoping Obama
Won’t trade off the farm.

There are those who feel, too,
That enough is enough
And urge each lawmaker
To get off of his duff.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

New Yorkers accused in sex scandal

Brooklyn’s district attorney has accused 17 people in what’s described as a high-end prostitution ring. They’re charged with providing sex and drugs to clients on Wall Street.



      Catering Service

Some Wall Street people
Seem up to their necks
In charges surrounding
Paying for sex.

Other charges against them
Would seem to contain
Supplying investors
With drugs like cocaine.

The defendants appear
To be up to their ears;
Their sentence if guilty?
Up to twenty-five years.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Country suffers extreme heat

People in large areas of the United States are toiling under record high heat and humidity. The oppressive conditions are affecting people from the northern Plains to Texas. They’re also making life uncomfortable from Nebraska to the Ohio Valley…and making their way eastward. Some relief is said to be on the way – after the weekend.



       Wilt Thou?

Folks coast to coast
Find, in this heat,
It’s hard keeping dry,
Much less staying neat.
Those in the east
And those in the Plains
Are doing their best
And taking great pains
Searching for comfort
And ways to stay cool
By finding relief
This side of the pool.
Some look for spots
That are just a bit shady
Hoping temperatures fall
A bit closer to eighty.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Bachmann says migraines under control

Presidential contender Michelle Bachmann says her migraine in no way impede her ability to lead. Nor, she says, will they prevent her from campaigning for the White House or leading the nation, if elected.



                       Moving A-Head

Ms. Bachmann is out to make it quite clear
That Americans really have nothing to fear
Of what’s been described as chronic migraine
Because she has learned to deal with the pain.
The headaches, she says, are in no way impeding;
And that’s why she plans on simply proceeding
To run her campaign without any dreads;
And deal with the pain by taking her meds.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Charlie Sheen returns to the tube

Six months after being fired from “Two and a half Men’ Charlie Sheen will star in a new syndicated sitcom. He’s been cast in “Anger Management” – based on a film starring Jack Nicholson.



                         Sheen On

Charlie will be on the small screen again
Months after leaving his show about “Men.”
Because Mr. Sheen is still a big draw,
He’s returning to fans who hold him in awe.
The show’s, about anger - somewhat contrasting –
Though some folks may see it as simply type casting.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Lawmakers look to change Social Security payments

White House and Congressional leaders are again looking to Social Security to help bring spending under control. One proposal is to change how inflation is calculated, thus making for smaller increases in social security checks.



                          In-Security

Our national leaders see spending increase
And try to find ways to make the rise cease;
They see Social Security as something to hit,
Although such a move will give some folks a fit.

They need to bring spending back under control
And what better way than to cut back on the dole?
The leaders, of course, will not be affected;
Except when the time comes to be re-elected.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Royal Couple Ends North American Tour

“Close and very connected,” was how the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were described during their visit to Canada and the United States. Despite their warmth, says one report, William and Kate managed to “intimidate” some of Hollywood’s big stars.



                        A Royal Gain

Americans welcomed the Prince and his mate;
They all ran to be there with William and Kate;
It may seem a bit strange, but this is the thing –
One day, she'll be queen when he becomes king.
That sort of thing brings us to a boil
Since we don’t have anyone we can call royal.
But now that the prince has left with his wife,
Their American subjects can go get a life.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

J-Lo and Marc Split

According to People.com, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have decided to divorce. The couple, who’ve been married for seven years, issued a joint statement and asked friends and fans to respect their privacy. Both J-Lo and Anthony said it was a difficult decision to make.




                Rapping Things Up

Marc Anthony said, Lend me your ears
And try to hear me through all the tears;
Though it may come as a bit of a blow,
I’m sayin’ adios to my love, J-Lo.

She’s goin’ her way, I’m goin’ mine;
Don’t worry ‘bout us, we’ll both be fine.
We’ll both be goin’ where each belongs –
We’ll keep on writin’ and singin’ our songs.

The decision we made has really been tough;
We’ve agreed our marriage has had enough.
Though this is something you may all bemoan,
It’s a private matter - so leave us alone.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Sleeping on the job seen as good thing

Sleep experts say short naps at work can improve productivity. A recent study shows “power naps” can help workers perform better.



              Sleeping Off Stress

Workers, it seems, have nothing to lose
if they stop what they’re doing and
take a quick snooze.

Experts on sleep feel the practice will work
to increase their efficiency
whether sales rep or clerk.

It might make one feel better and bring better luck
unless one does his napping
while driving his truck.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Obama demands common ground

President Obama plans to keep talking with congressional leaders to find a way to raise the nation's debt limit.  If a solution isn't found by the Aug. 2 deadline, the country could be in default.

         Giving Credit

The president is calling for

Some sort of compromise.
To raise the limit on our debt
And heed the voters' cries.

He'll meet with leaders once again,

(Though he seems to find it grating)
While folks at Moody's all sit down
To check our credit rating.

Both sides, he says, must find a way

To do a little bending
To find some sort of common ground
For us to keep on spending.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Shuttle era sees final spacewalk

Astronauts have made the last space walk of NASA's shuttle era.  The space agency will turn to private enterprise to help meet the White House goal of sending astronauts to an asteroid by 2025.  After that, the plans are to head for Mars.

             Spacing Out

NASA's shuttle era's gone

But work in space continues on;
After thirty years among the stars,
Our space folks turn their thoughts to Mars.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Congress debates the light bulb

The U.S. House will vote a measure designed to block the federal government's transition from traditional incandescent light bulbs to more energy-efficient options. Some GOP conservatives feel government is trying to be Big Brother.  The so-called BULB Act is expected to face an uphill battle in the Democratic-controlled Senate.

                      Dim View

The light bulb's the latest invention

That seems to be causing some tension;
Some Republicans seem to feel smothered
Over what they call being Big Brothered.
So after quite a bit of debate,
They'll try to decide the  bulb's fate.
But after the House takes its bite,
The Senate may turn out the light.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Australia moves to lift the veil

Muslim women in Canberra, Australia could face jail time and a stiff fine under a proposed new law. The bill calls for women to lift their veils for identification purposes when requested to do so by police. Opponents say the bill amounts to anti-Muslim bias.



                    About Faces

Muslim women could be facing jail
If they refuse to lift their veil,
According to a suggested law
That seems to stick in some folks’ craw.
It also carries an additional line
That calls for a rather hefty fine.
Aussie officials say it’s not about race;
It’s all about seeing face to face.
They want to see more than the lady’s eyes,
Just like they can with all the guys.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Obesity spreads across country

A new report shows Americans are getting fatter. According to HealthDay News, more than 30 percent of the people in 12 states are classified as obese. The figures show that over one-third of children and adolescents are overweight. Health spokesman Jeff Levi blames overeating and lack of exercise.



                    Weighing In

More folks, it seems, are pigging out;
And that has health folks wigging out.
They’re seeking ways to make us cease
What’s making more of us obese.
Folks who keep the stats have found,
The nation’s getting bigger round.
The latest stat among the chatter
Shows our kids are getting fatter.
Health folks suggest a workout gig
And curtailing eating like a pig.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

California prison inmates refuse food

Inmates in California’s high-security prisons staged a hunger strike in protest of prison conditions. The prisoners demand release from their isolation cells. Earlier, the Supreme Court ordered prisons to alleviate overcrowding by reducing their population by one-fourth.



  Confining Quarters

California’s prison guests
Are on a hunger strike;
They’ll eat, they say, when there’s a change
In things they just don’t like.

Each prisoner demands release
From his isolation cell;
They say that being all alone
Makes life in jail pure hell.

The courts demand some major cuts
In prison population;
They didn’t specify the means,
But one way could be starvation.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Arizonans dust themselves off

Residents of Phoenix and its suburbs dug out of a massive dust storm that took residents by surprise. The storm, know as ‘haboob’ by residents, knocked out power, grounded air travel, and turned swimming pools into pits of mud. Residents washed their cars and swept their sidewalks under a still-threatening brown sky.



       Dishing The Dirt

The folks down in Phoenix
Were forced to adjust
When a storm out of nowhere
Doused them with dust.

It knocked out their power
With a strange kind of flood;
Folks who went swimming
Were knee-deep in mud.

It came as a shocker
To all in the town,
Leaving sidewalks and autos
'Neath a blanket of brown.

All uttered a prayer,
Their petition quite plain,
They’d much rather deal with
Some old fashion rain.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Airlines warned of surgically implanted bombs

Security officials are warning airlines that terrorists may have explosives implanted inside their bodies. A U.S. official adds there’s no indication of specific plots to do so but government officials are said to be working with foreign airlines on methods to discover such explosives.



             Body Parts

The warning's been sounded:
Don’t take ‘em for granted,
Those carrying bombs now
May have 'em implanted.

Airlines are alerted
So they don’t fall through the cracks
And, literally speaking,
Start blowing their stacks.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Woods passes on British Open

Tiger Woods as expected has announced he won’t participate in this year’s British Open. Earlier, he skipped the Wells Fargo Championship, and withdrew after nine holes from The Players Championship a week later because of injury. Woods says he’s been advised not to play and plans to resume his game when he’s “100 percent” ready.


Tendon To Business

Tiger has decided
To listen to advice;
So, for the British Open,
He simply says ‘no dice.’

Those ligaments he injured
Are getting in his way;
So he won’t be going golfing
Until another day.

He says although the Open
Had been among his goals,
He’ll have to wait till later
When he can play all 18 holes.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Potter star backs off booze

British star Daniel Radcliffe says he going on the wagon. The 21-year old star of the Harry Potter series says he’d been drinking heavily since turning 18 but hasn’t touched a drop in nearly a year.



        Deadly Potion

The star of Harry Potter
Says he got to thinking
And he’s had quite enough of
All that over-drinking.

He’s decided all that liquor’s
Not something of his choosing;
While he still has a liver,
He’ll quit his life of boozing.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Fourth of July events planned

Americans from coast to coast are celebrating with brass bands and fireworks. It’s all part of flag-waving ceremonies to mark our nation’s declaration of independence from British rule.



      It All Depends

The fourth day of July,
As is plain for all to see,
Marked our founders’ battle cry
And the day that they broke free.

It ended all aggression
From their cradles to their graves;
It meant no more oppression
For all – except their slaves.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Motorcyclist killed protesting helmet law

Police in Onondaga, N.Y. report a motorcyclist was killed when he flipped over his bike’s handlebar. Officials say it happened during a protest ride against the state’s helmet law.



                   Heads Up

The cyclist went out to protest
Against helmets with gusto and zest;
But his cycle soon crashed
And his head was then smashed.
Now his family and friends are distressed.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

King Arthur Cancelled

Starz says it won't renew the period drama "Camelot" next season. The network sited "production challenges" as a reason for dumping the series. A ratings service also notes, also, the show attracted only a little over a million viewers.



Ex-Caliber

It soon may be forgot
That, once, there was a spot,
Known in TV land as "Camelot".

But then, it all got botched
And next, the show was scotched.
And why was it then banned? Few people watched.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Senate will work the holiday

The Senate will pass on its July 4 break to work on reducing the federal deficit.  Earlier, President Obama had urged the lawmakers to work quickly to extend the government's ability to borrow money.

          OverTime

the folks in the senate

are taking a bye
on plans for a recess
this fourth of july.

there are taxes to deal with

plus they also must tend
to leaving the nation
with money to spend.


©  2011  Jim Gordon